Be My Kleenex

Roger R.

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They were hiking in the woods near her cabin.

She'd met him two weeks before, in a gardening class in the city. He was tall and thin and clean-shaven, with tousled hair and strong hands. He preferred flannel shirts and cotton pants, and he was shy. She liked that.

She herself was, you might say, curiously cute: boyish face framed by thick blond hair, athletic body, full breasts, round and graceful butt. She preferred cotton shirts and old jeans. He liked that.

She had a decent job. She'd just bought this cabin and was trying it out on friends and lovers. He was neither--just a good-looking man with interests that interested her.

It was mid-afternoon. They sat together on a massive rock at the summit of a hill, overlooking the valley below.

She sneezed into her hands.

"Allergies," she said.

"They don't bother me," he said.

She sneezed again, squeezed her hands against her nose, and wiped them on her jeans. He liked that.

He liked the way she treated her nose: healthy sneezes, strong and uninhibited sniffs, no worries about mussing up her clothes. 

He put his arm around her waist. 

"Magnificent view, isn't it?"

She turned to him and focused squarely on his face.

"Yes," she said.

They got up and returned to her cabin. She sat him down in a chair on the deck.

"Just stay here for a while," she said. "I'll start the tea."

"Just what we need," he said. She went into the kitchen.

He sat on the deck in the quiet air of late spring. From the kitchen, the silence was broken by the sound of sneezes and persistent sniffling, and then by the whistle of a teapot. He went to the kitchen, came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and buried his nose in her hair. He inhaled her perfume, her sweat, and the bittersweet smell of her allergy. He pressed himself against her back.

"That feels good," she said, sniffling gently and wiping her nose on her wrist. "The tea's ready."

She turned around with two mugs in her hands and gave one to him.

"Cheers," she said, looking at him intently, sniffling, and clinking his mug.

He took a sip, then put his mug on the counter. She did the same, then pulled him to her.

"You're very attractive," she said.

"So are you."

Suddenly a sneeze caught her. She pushed him away, cupping her face in her hands.

"Sorry," she said, sniffling loudly, wiping her nose with her index finger and smiling at him with embarrassment. "I deed a Kleedex."

"I'll be your Kleenex," he said, pulling her head to his shoulder and gently touching her nose to his shirt.

She raised her head and looked at him. Her nose glistened.

"I dote get it," she said, sniffling again.

"I think you will."

Another sneeze took her, and she buried her nose in his shirt.

"You're driving me crazy," he said.

"You are too," she said, rubbing her nose back and forth on the soft flannel. "I have a bedroob back there."

They sat on the bed and kissed through her sniffles. He took off his shirt. Suddenly she pulled away, stifling a sneeze. She swallowed and turned to him. He put his lips tenderly to her nose. She felt aroused and desperate at once. 

"I deed to blow by dose!"

He pulled off his T-shirt and pressed it to her nose. 

"Here," he said. 

Blowing, she found herself mad with pleasure: the soft cotton, the heat of his body lingering on his shirt, the warm and pleasant release from her nose, the smell of his sweat.

"See?" he said. "Amazing, isn't it?"

"Amazing." She pushed the shirt along her nose over and over. She liked it.

He unbuttoned her shirt and undid her bra. She pulled down her jeans and panties together. He held her breasts in his hands, caressing her nipples. She stretched out on the bed. He reached down and began to massage her.

"Every part of a woman's body drives a man crazy," he said softly as he continued his caresses. "But the best-kept secret is the nose."

She smiled, and then felt a sneeze coming, but this one was different from every other sneeze of her life. It was coming not from her chest but from the very spot he was touching. As she drew in her breath, he put his finger inside her. As she sneezed, he thrust with his finger. She sneezed, and he thrusted, again and again. She squealed and gasped and squealed.

She understood now. 

Her nose was running. She wiped it with her open hand and touched the liquid to his tongue.

"Be by Kleedex, please!" she begged. "Oh please be by Kleedex!" He took off his pants, then his briefs. He turned the briefs inside out and brought them to her nose.

Through her allergy she could smell them. She smelled them up and down and climaxed again as she blew her nose into them.

"Better than Kleenex?" he asked.

"Oh yes, yes, YES!"

She tucked the briefs under her pillow and turned her body toward him. He climbed onto her bed and lay beside her. He touched the tip of her nose, and she touched the tip of his penis.

"There's more," he said, brushing her tangled hair away from her face. He turned on his back. She eased herself on top of him. Her nose began to run all the more, and he touched its wetness with his tongue.

She sneezed, he thrusted, pressing her tightly against him. She sneezed, he thrusted. Again and again. Then they stopped, both at once. He was deep inside her.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Yes, oh yes, yes, YES!" A violent sneeze was coming from the place where he was. She held herself back. He held himself back. He licked her nose again, then opened his mouth in ecstasy.

The sneeze racked her body and she poured her liquid into his mouth as he poured his liquid into her flesh.

It was over.

They rolled on their sides. She took his briefs from under her pillow and blew softly into them, then reached down, wrapped his throbbing penis around them, and held him there. He tenderly touched her cheek. She stared at him blankly, then swallowed and smiled. 

He brushed the hair away from her face. She ran her wrist and arm along her nose and sniffled strongly.

"This was the ultimate, wasn't it?" 

He could only stare.