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** For Madame X **

The relentless heat and sunshine of the beach had taken their toll on her city living skin. Needing a drink Jodie convinced herself that there was one particular bar to go to on this particular evening. One of her on-line friends had recommended the place as an exciting end to her trip. Turning left out of 14th she made her way downtown. The SUV, the rental company had given her, really pissed her off. She remembered how she had stood in the foyer of the rental agency and asked at the top of her voice whether they were taking the piss. She was down in Florida for an environmental conference, campaigning against traffic pollution. Yet here she was taking the last car in the lot, a gas-guzzling leviathan from the wilderness. She had even had to park up four blocks from the conference so none of the other delegates saw her vehicle. Jesus, if they had found out she worked for a petroleum company as well, then her life would be a bigger nightmare than it already was. Luckily, yesterday had been the last day of the conference and today she had been able to spend the day people watching at the beach.

It was 'Happy Hour' at the dockside bar and she was going to stretch that hour late into the night. Who was she kidding, apart from herself? All week she had been planning a night out. To tell the truth, these plans never came up to expectations and she was always nervous about this kind of thing, she had a problem about going into bars on her own. Just one drink, she thought, and if it wasn’t going well it was back to the hotel to pack for an early start.

Looking into her glass she could see the blades of the ceiling fan reflected off the surface of her drink. The mesmerising effect contributed to the rum in her cocktail and produced a relaxed feeling that pushed the sound of the busy bar into the distance. Suddenly she was drawn back to real life. Her senses were heightened and she was alert, like a hawk sensing the first hint of easy prey. She instinctively turned her head towards the sound, pinpointing the sharp intake of breath across the three-sided bar. She gripped the bar stool tightly with her feet, hooking them inside the footrest and drawing her crotch against the cool wooden seat. Opposite her, a very pretty, 40 something, beach babe looked longingly at the ceiling light and paused mid-sneeze. She felt herself breathing in time with the woman, anticipating what she hoped would be the inevitable conclusion of this vision.

She watched intently as the blonde woman waved her hands at her side. “It’s coming, it’s coming.” She announced excitedly to nobody and everybody at the same time.

Then it came, a high pitched scream of a sneeze. Jodie’s nipples hardened and pushed at the confines of her sports bra. To her amazement the woman let loose with a string of ten more, equally explosive, sneezes. Each preceded by a pause, mid-sneeze. Jodie squirmed in her seat, her pulse throbbing in her ears and the hairs on her neck gently rising with each sharp intake of breath. This was her idea of Happy Hour.

Then events took a curious twist. A waitress called out, “Tonya’s in the house!”

“Bless you!” The rest of the staff replied in chorus, and a busboy rang a ship’s bell that was hanging at the end of the bar. If there was one particular aspect of sneezing that made Jodie cringe, then it was the compulsive blessing of a sneeze. Yet this chorus was something new, something she hadn’t experienced before.

Being open-minded she continued to observe from her bar stool, perched like an eagle in her eyrie. The heat in her body matched the burn she felt on her skin. Jodie asked a girl behind the bar what was going on.

“Oh, I guess you’ve not been here for Happy Hour before. Well Tonya’s kind of a local celebrity; she’s been coming in here and sneezing like that for years. Every Friday night she comes in and sneezes the night away. It’s something to do with our speciality cocktail, she’s allergic I guess.”

Jodie couldn’t believe what she was hearing, a regular sneeze-fest, and every Friday night. Casually she slipped from the bar and went outside to compose herself. The air outside was as still as could be. She walked along the boardwalk and took a deep breath. After being inside with the air-conditioning the air felt warm in her lungs.

“OK.” She thought to herself, “Did that really happen, or have I got too much sun today?” She turned ‘round and headed back to the bar. As she approached the entrance she heard another string of sneezes, this time followed by a cheer and a shout of “Twenty-four.”

“Oh… my… god…” she muttered under her breath, “…they’re counting them!”

Jodie raised an arm and pushed at the heavy wooden door, as it moved open her first sight was of Tonya’s pre-sneeze face.  “Shit or bust!” She told herself, and then made her entrance.

The bar was crowded two-deep; her previous place was swamped by arms waving $20 dollar bills at the serving staff. But they weren’t buying drinks, they were placing bets! A chalk board had been placed at the top of the bar and people were betting on how many sneezes Tonya would have by the time the Happy Hour was over. The night was young and Happy Hour was strange, Jodie swooped in for the kill.

She manoeuvred her way ‘round the bar, focussed entirely on the spot just behind Tonya. As she got there she waved her money at the bar staff and yelled “Twenty says 110.”

Tonya turned, caught Jodie’s eye and whispered “2-4-0.”

Then she took Jodie’s money, pushed it into the beer mug on the bar and chalked up the figure. “What name do you want on the board?”

Jodie looked at her quizzically and said “thanks, I’m Jodie, what are you drinking?”

“I’m Tonya, mine are always on the house, let me share one with you.” Jodie was confused, dumb-struck. The predator was becoming the prey and the drinks were going to flow freely.

“The Fourth Dwarf, it’s my bar.” Said Tonya with a wry look on her face.

“Your bar? So, what’s with its name?”

“I named it after my boat, The Fourth Dwarf, it’s affectionately known ‘round here as Sneezy.”

Jodie was taking a suck at the straw when she nearly choked. Her thoughts raced.

“Was this really happening?” She felt the cocktail burn at her lips. Sub-consciously she licked them and then ran her tongue across her teeth.

“Hot sauce.” She thought to herself. Tonya turned and watched her face.

“I invented this one, kind of has fringe benefits.” She said, as she shimmied on her barstool. “Stick around and take the second best seat in the house.” Tonya patted the empty stool next to her. “I saw you watching me earlier, I was hoping you’d come back.”

Jodie smiled and sat down; it was definitely time to go with the flow.

Tonya excitedly waved her hands again and looked up to the lights.

“Aaah….aaaah….aaahh..eshooooo, aaah….aaaah….aaahh..eshooooo, aaah….aaaah….aaahh..eshooooo, aaah….aaaah….aaahh..eshooooo.”

The sneezes were all identical and arrived with great force. When she’d finished Tonya placed her hand on Jodie’s knee and smiled into her eyes. Perfect teeth, perfect nose. Jodie wanted to run her hands across Tonya’s face and stroke that gently twitching nose.

As if she had read her mind, Tonya dipped a finger in the cocktail and dabbed it on the end of Jodie’s nose. It tingled and slowly the icy cold touch developed to a warming sensation. “Oh no!” She thought. Even though she took great pleasure from other people’s sneezing, she really dreaded her own. She had always been perpetually embarrassed by her own sneezes. It came and she carefully stifled it. “Eschhmmmpphh.”

Tonya clicked her fingers and a box off tissues was handed across the bar by a very pretty brunette. Tonya plucked one from the box and folded it in half, before smiling and handing it to Jodie “Compliments of the house!” She whispered.

Jodie was hot in every sense. Tonya was hotter.

As the evening progressed, Jodie was getting drunk and Tonya’s sneezes were relentless. Her perfect nose was reddening around the nostrils and her eyes had started to water ever-so-slightly.

Jodie wanted to soothe that inflamed nose, yet she wanted to encourage the sneezing at the same time. She turned and started to talk between the bouts of sneezing. “You’ve probably guessed I’m from out of town”

Tonya swept the comment aside with a single enormous sneeze. “I’m done here, how do you want to see my boat?”

She stood up, picked up the beer mug from the bar and handed it to Jodie. “Looks like you take first prize girlfriend.” The bell rang long and loud, Happy Hour was over for those staying at the bar. For Jodie it was moving out to the dock. As she left, a waitress pressed a small bottle of hot sauce into her hand. “Enjoy” she said with a knowing look.

For as long as she could remember she found feminine sneezes a major turn-on; but she had never dared to go any further than observations. Many of her gay friends had told her that straight-sex was OK, but one day she’d try the real thing. She looked down and watched the moon dance on the surface of the black water. This was turning into a life-changing experience; she let herself go and imagined herself diving into the cool water, scattering moonbeams along the dockside with her wake.

Tonya brought her back to the present, which for once was stranger than her daydreams. “Untie that line and climb down.” Jodie looked over the edge, to see a Jet Ski moored below. She untied the mooring line with shaking fingers and gracefully climbed down the dock. Tonya fired up the engine and they moved out into the bay.

As their speed increased the wake cut a huge ‘V’ in the moonlit water. The salt spray made Jodie’s nose tingle and she let out an unexpectedly huge sneeze. The sound was lost on the wind, but her grip tightened and her breasts pressed into Tonya’s almost bare back. Jodie leant forward even more and gently ran the tip of her tongue up Tonya’s neck. She turned her head to Jodie and, against the increasing wind, yelled.

“Let’s go out into the barrier islands, it’s a full moon and I’m in the mood for fresh air.”

After ten minutes they pulled up a side channel and went out into the Gulf. Tonya cut the engine and they coasted up onto the beach. Tonya lifted the seat off the Jet Ski and threw an armful of towels to Jodie. They dried each others bodies, the soft towels gently absorbing the water. Some stray grains of sand scratched Jodie’s skin, Tonya responded by massaging in some oil. The sweet fragrance drifted on the sea –breeze, preceding Jodie’s low moan. Tonya was running her hands along Jodie’s inner thighs, teasing her mercilessly.

Jodie carefully opened the hot pepper sauce and bravely took a mouthful. Before it could burn she pulled Tonya’s face towards her and passionately kissed her. She held her there and looked deep in her watering eyes. Tonya pulled herself away and started to sneeze. She sneezed like never before. Freely, violently and using her full body she pulsated with every expulsion, her nose was burning, her eyes were watering and she was losing control of the situation. Jodie helped her back onto the towel she had laid on the beach; then went at her like a woman possessed. The sneezes were now interspersed with squeals of pleasure. Sweat trickled between Tonya’s breasts. Jodie, kneeling down, lent back and raised her arms to remove her top. Tonya slid her hands up the sides of Jodie’s waist, feeling every rib move with each breath. She gently slipped her hands beneath the sports bra and massaged her breasts. Jodie suddenly felt an intense tickle and started to draw a deep pre-sneeze breath. Tonya froze and stared at this vision; Jodie’s face in silhouette against the phosphorescent glow of the sea. After an eternity the sneeze exploded from her, forcing her head forward. The moonlight illuminated a look of immense satisfaction. The warmth flowed down her thighs in time with her gentle moans. She slowly slipped forward and Tonya held her firmly, but gently, as the waves lapped lightly at the hull of the Jet Ski.

The following night Tonya took her place at the bar, the staff knowingly announced that Saturday night, from now on, would also be host to a Happy Hour. With anticipation the towel covering the ship’s bell was removed and the chalkboard placed upon the bar. A cocktail was placed on the beer mat in front of Tonya. She looked up and smiled knowingly. “Thanks Jodie, I see the uniform fits well”. Then the sneezing began and the bell rang.