Hex You, Achoo! Bless You, Thank You


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"Don't get mad, get even," Darlene muttered, leafing through her copy of Cosmo so violently some of the pages were ripping as she turned them.  "Don't get mad, get even."

Her problem was this.  Last night, at Danny's big midsummer party, she had caught her boyfriend Ted and her lovely, blond, best friend Mary half-naked in Danny's bed together.  Everyone had been very drunk, but that was no excuse.  When Darlene had started screaming, Mary had run away fast with her clothes in her arms, and Ted had stayed to try to explain or apologise or something.  Darlene had given him an earful, finally swearing that if he ever tried to call her again she'd get a restraining order.  And that was that.  The bastard was out of her life for good.  And she was better for it.  He hadn't even been that good in bed - she'd had to fake orgasms most of the time to get him to leave her alone.  She'd only stayed with him for fear of being alone, and suddenly alone was sounding pretty good.

But Darlene was still mad as hell.  She'd been betrayed, and she wanted revenge.  She kept flipping through the magazine.  Surely there was no major problem in a woman's life that Cosmo couldn't help with.

She found inspiration in the pages of weird tiny ads at the back.  Cheap cosmetic surgery and no-fail no-hassle diets held no interest for her now, but what was this?  "Hexes for the Spurned Lover.  Get Even with our Proven Curses.  Totally Legal - Totally Private."  They promised to ship anywhere in North America within two weeks, and the book cost only $19.99.  Darlene knew a bargain when she saw one.

The book arrived in a mere 15 days.  Darlene ripped the plain brown wrapper off and eagerly turned to the Table of Contents.  She couldn't wait to get at Ted.  As for Mary, she missed Mary.  Life was no fun without Mary.  But she was too mad at Mary to call her up and ask her out shopping.  Darlene knew, though, that once she'd had her revenge she'd be able to let bygones be bygones, and life could get back to normal.

The Table of Contents listed about twenty different hexes, all of them appropriate for getting back at an unfaithful lover.  There was nothing quite so dramatic as impotence, or terrible painful boils all over the body, which was what Darlene really wanted to give to Ted.  Well, maybe it was better that the book offered her nothing that she might really regret once her temper cooled.

Finally, she settled on the Bad Body Odour hex for Ted.  According to the warning at the front of the book, the hexes tended to last for about a year.  Poor Ted.

And then there was the matter of Mary.  The Bad Body Odour hex wouldn't do at all for Mary - once the revenge was out of the way, Darlene planned to go back to being friends with Mary, and it would suck for Darlene if Mary stank.  Likewise for the Frequent Flatulence.  The Weight Gain hex was a little tempting, but Darlene knew that Mary had had a bulemia problem in her teens, and that hex might turn nasty.  Now what was this?  Sexual Sneezing.  Darlene flipped to page 31 and read the description of the hex.

"After the casting of this Hex, the Subject will experience a terrible Tickle of the Nasal Passages whenever experiencing Sexual Arousal.  The intensity of the Tickle will vary directly according to the intensity of the Arousal, resulting in Sneezing when the Subject is truly Horny.  Any attempt at actual Intercourse will be met with a terrible Sneezing Fit.  Applications: the unfortunate Subject of this hex will have much Difficulty initiating Sexual Relations."

That sounded like some sort of poetic justice, while being neither too harmful to Mary, nor too odius for Darlene.  All right.  Sexual Sneezing it was.

The day after she cast the hex, Darlene called Mary and just as she had hoped, they were soon chatting away like normal.  Darlene was still bitter about the whole Ted incident, but satisfied by her secret revenge.

Actually, she was a little curious.  She wasn't the type to doubt any claim she read in Cosmo, but still, with Ted totally out of her life she had no way of checking whether the hex on him was working, and the hex on Mary wasn't a really obvious type.  Mary sneezed once while they were grocery shopping together the day after they made up, but people do sneeze sometimes for no obvious reason.  There hadn't been anyone cute around at the time, no one but a little old lady, and Mary and Darlene had been talking about lipstick.  So, it probably had nothing to do with the hex.

Darlene could, of course, just wait until Mary came to her with strange stories about having sneezing fits while on dates, but seeing as how Mary hadn't been on a date in several months (not counting Ted), that might be too long to wait.  Darlene was curious now.  What could she do?

Ah!  She would invite Mary out to a movie.  An R-rated romance with cute stars.  How about that new one with Keanu Reeves and Jodie Foster?  Mary had mentioned wanting to see it.

Out of kindness, Darlene decided to bring a bunch of tissues along.  If Mary asked, she could say she'd been afraid she'd cry.

Mary was very happy when Darlene invited her to the movie.  Ever since that horrible night at the party, Mary had been on eggshells around Darlene.  Darlene asking her out to a chick flick like old times, though, was a very good sign for forgiveness.  It just went to show what a generous person Darlene was.

They met at a bus stop half-way between their apartment buildings so that they could ride downtown to the theatre together.  They chatted about all sorts of things, like always - and amazingly, they even got onto the topic of men, and complained about the whole species of jerks just like they used to before Ted.  Of course, his name didn't come up, and it did sort of hang in the air between them.

There was one annoying thing: by the time they sat down together on the bus, Mary's nose had started itching again.  This had happened to her every time she got together with Darlene, ever since they started seeing each other again after the big Ted disaster.  Mary wondered if Darlene had started using a different shampoo or something.  She didn't bring it up though, because she was so grateful to have Darlene back as a friend that she didn't want to make any waves for a while.

By the time they were halfway to the theatre, Mary was sure that she was allergic to something Darlene was wearing.  The closer she got to Darlene, the worse it was.  They were sitting on one of those bench-style seats designed for three people, and a couple stops ago a very obese man had sat down at the other end, forcing Mary to shift closer to Darlene.  Now their jeans-clad legs were pressed against each other, and Darlene's frizzy black hair was brushing Mary's cheek.  Even their arms were touching where they lay on their laps - Darlene's brown skin right next to Mary's pale white.  Darlene's arm hairs were tickling Mary's arm, and Mary's nose was tickling like crazy.  Darlene was talking about trouble she'd been having with one of the other cashiers at the gift shop where she worked, and Mary was trying like hell not to sneeze.

It was an annoying burning sensation right at the back of her nose.  She could feel her eyes tearing up a bit from the irritation, but mostly the problem was her nose.  Just as the bus turned a corner, pressing her even closer to Darlene for a moment, the tickle expanded horribly, so she could feel it at the back of her throat and even the back of her neck.  "aaahh....haaa" she started, bringing her index finger up quickly to press it against her upper lip under her nose and stifle the sneeze.  "aahh.... aaaahhh... hiTCHOO!"  *sniff*  "Excuse me," she mumbled, fumbling in her bag for a tissue.

Darlene, of course, had been watching the whole thing with fasination.  She kept talking about how Lindsey kept coming in ten minutes late for her shifts, but really most of her attention was on the sneezy expression on Mary's face.  Mary was a pale, thin blonde, nearly albino, but her eyes were grey.  Mary always wore thick, dark red lipstick and brown eyeshadow, so that her lips were round and full and definitely the most striking feature on her face, while her eyes always looked a little bruised.  Darlene, enviously, thought she looked like a model.  As Mary obviously struggled not to sneeze, it was her lips that Darlene noticed first - they pursed into an almost kiss-me shape, slightly parted.  Then Mary started blinking, and her eyes rolled back as though she were reading the ads around the top of the bus.  Mary's nose was long and rather thin, and really very Victorian and proper-looking, so that it gave Darlene a bit of an evil thrill to see it twitching uncomfortably, the nostrils flaring as Mary started to take in little hitching breaths and raised her finger to under her nose in an effort to stop the sneeze - to no avail of course.  Mary sneezed loudly, and as she excused herself ("Bless you," Darlene said automatically) and searched for a tissue, Darlene took a look around the bus.  On the seat right across from them, right where Mary had been looking, was a 20-ish guy wearing a sleeveless t-shirt that showed off his muscular arms to great advantage.  He wore a little goatee, and looked sort of like a hip-hop version of Christian Slater.  "Ahha," thought Darlene with satisfaction.  "It's working."

After the one sneeze Mary felt a bit better, though her nose was still tickly.  She was glad of what relief she had, since she really hated sneezing in public.  She remained fine until part-way through the movie - unfortunately, her nose started tickling like crazy just as the movie started getting really good.  After many trials and terrible misunderstandings, Keanu and Jodie were finally together, kissing in the dark at the edge of a forest in pouring rain.  As Jodie clasped her hands around the back of Keanu's neck, Mary felt a sympathetic shiver at the back of her own neck and simultaneously, a terrible increase in the tickle in her nose.  She rubbed her nose and tried to ignore it.  It would not be ignored.  She couldn't stop herself inhaling sharply "haa..." but by rubbing her nose even more furiously, she managed to forestall the feeling.  Onscreen, Keanu was pulling Jodie's shirt off, and Jodie's upper body was shining naked in the rain.  Mary felt like little demons were poking the back of her nasal passages with red-hot pokers.  Desperate and high-pitched came her inhalation, followed by a sneeze stifled as much as possible into the crook of her arm.  "hitchi!"  Then she felt Darlene tapping her shoulder.

"Hey, are you ok?" Darlene whispered, resting her hand on Mary's shoulder.

Mary was touched by Darlene's concern, but suddenly the urge to sneeze was about a hundred times stronger.  "I think I'm aller--aah...aahh" she tried to whisper, but the building sneeze wouldn't let her finish her sentences.  "Aller--aaahooohh *sniff* Something is making me-hee-haa snee - eee - haa...hichi!"  She stifled it again in the crook of her arm.  And again.  "Hichi!  Hichi!!"  She was trying to still watch the movie, though it was hard, because she really wanted to see it.  Jodie and Keanu had tossed all their clothes to the ground now and were kissing each other like crazy, standing there stark naked in the rain.  Jodie's hair was plastered against the her head and the water was running in rivulets down to the small of her back.  Mary could feel tingling at the small of her own back - it was like her body was one big sneeze.  "Hichi!  Hichi!  Hichi!"  She felt Darlene place a tissue in her hand, and she took it gratefully, but couldn't do anything more than sneeze into it.  Darlene's other hand was now rubbing Mary's back, trying to comfort her or something, but nothing seemed to help.  "eeeChoo!" Mary sneezed into the tissue, as quietly as she reasonably could.  "heetChoo!  oh god ohhaahCHOO!  hatCHOO!"  Mary had no choice.  She fled.

Darlene was experiencing a mix of feelings she couldn't quite describe.  She was very satisfied at the success of the hex.  If the hex on Ted had been just as effective, he wouldn't be getting laid for the rest of the year.  She also felt just a tiny bit guilty.  Sure, Mary had double-crossed her like a total bitch, but now Mary was miserable and missing the best part of the movie.  Darlene decided, though, that in the interest of friendship she really had to follow Mary out to the lobby and see how she was doing.  Besides... and this was not something Darlene exactly admitted to herself... there was something very fascinating about Mary's sneezes.  The idea of seeing Mary sneeze again was more appealing, on some level, than staying here and watching Keanu Reeves and Jodie Foster pretend to fuck.

Mary wasn't in the lobby but Darlene found her in the bathroom.  She was standing at the sinks, splashing water over her face.

"How are you doing?" Darlene asked.

"Oh god, you're not missing the movie for me are you?" Mary replied with a sniffle.  A few strands of her blond hair were plastered in curls on her cheeks, from where she'd been splashing the water.  Her pale grey eyes were slightly red-rimmed.  "You don't have to.  I'll be fine.  I think it's just allergies."  She sniffled again, and then her face froze, and her right hand started creeping up towards her nose, index finger extended.

Darlene watched, amazed, as Mary seemed to be caught in the throes of an impossibly slow-motioned sneeze.  Her eyes rolled back and half-closed, looking all dreamy and unfocussed.  Her painted red lips parted, and Darlene could just see the tip of Mary's pink tounge pressed against her upper teeth.  Mary's nostrils flared wide as they could go.  Her finger was still, ever so slowly, creeping up towards her nose.  "aaaaaaaaaahhh...." Mary inhaled quietly and deeply, her back actually arching as she drew the breath.  "aaaaaaaahhh..." her eyelids fluttered, and her finger finally came to rest under her nose.  And she stood there like a statue, lips parted, eyes nearly closed, back arched, nostrils flared impossibly wide for her narrow nose, finger laid lengthwise along her upper lip.  Her heart suddenly, inexplicably, beating like a hummingbird's, Darlene counted the seconds.  1...2...3...  "CHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  Mary's sneeze was loud and violent this time, echoing in the empty washroom.  She actually doubled right over with the force of it, her hands flying out behind her.

"Bless you," Darlene said.  She cleared her throat - for some reason, she was a little hoarse.  "That was amazing."

"*sniff*  Thank you," Mary said, standing up again and trying to get herself together.  She sniffled again, and then giggled.  "Wow, I think that's it for now.  My god, that was almost orgasmic!"

Darlene felt a strange little twinge at Mary's strangely appropriate choice of words.  But with Mary giggling, she couldn't help being amused too.  "Yeah, but you're lucky you didn't break all the mirrors with it!" she said.

"OK, time to see how hopelessly we've lost track of the plot," Mary said, heading for the door.

"Plot, what plot?" Darlene replied lightly, following her.  Without really thinking about it, she sort of hoped another romantic interlude with Keanu would start Mary sneezing again... and Darlene was no longer thinking about revenge.

It seemed that the laughter had taken the edge off of the arousal; Mary and Darlene giggled periodically through the rest of the film, but there was no further sneezing.

When she was lying in bed trying to sleep that night, for some reason all Darlene could think about was trying to come up with ways to get Mary aroused again, so that she would have another sneezing fit.  But this made sense - what was the good of all the trouble she'd taken to work her revenge, all the money she'd paid for the book and everything, if she didn't get the hex to work as much as possible?  But of course, as soon as Mary started sneezing in public, she'd do her best to stop.  She'd fixate on trying to stop sneezing, and so she'd ignore whatever it was that was getting her horny, and the fit would end.  Maybe the answer was to get her aroused a somewhere a little more private.  For instance... she could invite Mary over to watch a video!  Something really romantic... no, why not go all the way.  She'd rent an x-rated video, maybe Chippendales or something.  They'd have popcorn and chocolate and pop, and watch the video, and it would be totally fun, a real girls' night in.  Plus it would be a great way for them to really repair what was left of the hurt over Ted.

As her sleepy mind, freed of some of its daytime inhibitions, formulated this plan, Darlene didn't notice that she had totally lost sight of the original purpose of the hex: to inconvenience Mary on dates with men.

Mary loved the idea of the video night.  They decided to make it a real pyjama party, the sort they hadn't had since they were teenagers.  Mary showed up at nine o'clock, and they popped and buttered popcorn and flipped through issues of Cosmo and Elle for a while, giggling like little girls.  Mary's nose was itching again, but she didn't mention it.  She did notice gratefully that Darlene had left a nice full box of kleenex on the coffee table.

At quarter to ten, they changed into their pyjamas and got ready for the main event.  "I've never watched an x-rated video before," Mary confessed as they were changing.  She was distracted for a moment by Darlene taking all her clothes off.  Darlene was a little short, at 5'3", and a bit stocky, but it was a sleek, athletic thickness; she could probably pick the taller, waif-like Mary up and toss her across the room if she wanted to.  Her belly-button was pierced, and the ornament on her slightly-rounded, brown belly caught the light and flashed as Darlene bent over to pick up the oversized black t-shirt she was going to use as pyjamas.  Mary was suddenly caught up in an overwhelming urge to sneeze.  It was that strange, total-body sneeze feeling again - not only the back of her nose, but also the back of her throat, back of her neck, and even the small of her back felt the teasing sensation.  Mary tried to ignore the feeling while she undressed herself.  She took her shirt off, then her bra, struggling to ignore the tickling sensation that seemed to engulf her whole body.  "Shit," she thought to herself as she pulled her baggy jeans off, "Not again."  Now totally naked, she could feel her whole body just begging to sneeze - her chest was insisting on expanding, sucking in a trembling breath, and she knew how her body would get rid of that breath.  "'Scuse me," she gasped, and ran stark naked for the bathroom.

The door safely shut behind her, Mary stood in front of the mirror with her hands braced on the sink.  She stared right at her own face, watching the contortions of her expression.  She was sort of gasping now, in a desperate high-pitched way, "ghiii....hghiii...." but the sneeze was stuck, it wouldn't come now.  She could see her nostrils flaring and her head arching back and she wanted to sneeze more than anything else... but it was gone.  She felt normal again.  Both disappointed and relieved, she decided to wash her makeup off as a good excuse for having come in here.  As she washed her face and wiped away the makeup with cotton pads, she wondered a bit at why she'd suddenly felt so uncomfortable at sneezing in front of Darlene.  That was new.  Maybe she was just getting tired of always sneezing around Darlene - maybe after the video, she'd ask Darlene if she was using some new beauty product.  She'd been afraid before of messing up their newly-repaired friendship by making an issue of it, but with the friendship apparently solid and Mary getting sneezier every day, it was definitely time to mention it.

There was something else though... something more obscure, something connected with Darlene's naked curves, Darlene's hand resting on her shoulder, Darlene's concern when she asked Mary if she was ok... but Mary's mind shied away from this forbidden territory.

Darlene, meanwhile, was slightly confused at Mary's escape.  She hadn't noticed Mary's sneezy expression, since she'd been busy changing.  She had noticed Mary running naked for the bathroom.  Mary running naked.  The image lingered sort of pleasantly at the back of Darlene's mind as Darlene set up the room for watching the video.  She pulled the coffee table, with snacks and kleenex, close to the couch.  She turned the TV on, popped the video in and hit pause.  Mary returned at that point.  "I had to wash my makeup off," she explained.  She went right for her night-dress and pulled it on.  Mary wore a long white cotton night-dress, with soft white lace at the neck and sleeves.  It was gathered slightly at the waist, to hint at Mary's shape, but overall the effect was very innocent and childish-looking for a woman in her mid-twenties.  Mary's face actually looked younger when bare of makeup.

Darlene caught herself staring and, slightly disturbed, started talking brightly to distract herself.  "I've got the video in.  And I've got my comforter out for us to wrap up in - the landlord turns the heat down at night.  Cheap bastard."

Darlene dimmed the lights and they settled on the couch, sharing the comforter.  She hit play.

The video started with a cheezy credit sequence, a series of shots of men's midsections twisting to the beat of the very stereotypical "Boom-chikka-boom Boom-chikki-boomBoom" background music.  The men all wore tight Speedos with suspiciously large bulges.  Darlene and Mary couldn't help laughing at first, and soon they were jeering and whistling, too, and occasionally throwing a piece of popcorn at the screen.  Meanwhile, the proximity to Darlene was making Mary's nose tickle like crazy again.  As they laughed, she felt Darlene's arms and legs brushing against hers, and it was as though the tickles from that touch were conveyed like electricity to the core of her body.  Mary pictured a bright yellow line running all up and down her spine, shooting fierce tickling sensations all through her, most especially to her nose.  "Gheee," she gasped, "gheee..."  She tried to relax and let the tickle just slide away... amazingly, it sort of worked.  If it was a kilometer from the start of a sneeze to the explosive end, Mary was hovering just about two meters from the finish line, with an incredible tingling and feeling of anticipation all through her body.  She could barely breathe, but she could hold it back.  Onscreen, a well-muscled man was now strutting up and down a catwalk, with hundreds of screaming women below waving money at him.  It was all really very silly - through her incredibly sneezy feeling, she was still able to giggle. 

Darlene, beside her, was now imitating one of the women, waving an imaginary bill in the air and simpering "take it, superhunk, I gotta touch you!"

In the distraction of her glance at Darlene, Mary totally lost her fragile, zen-like control over the sneeze.  "AahCHOO!" she sneezed loudly and suddenly, taking herself so much by surprise that she barely managed to sneeze into her own lap instead of Darlene's.  She grabbed a tissue off the table.  "'Scuse me," she gasped, "I-aahCHOO!  Here I go again."  She kept holding the tissue to her nose.

"Oh, just friggin' ignore it," Darlene said, much more nonchalantly than she felt.  "Check it out!  He's takin' it all off!"

Despite her words, Darlene was now gazing right at Mary, and only watching the video out of the corner of her eye.  Mary was likewise only half watching the video, as her eyes were closing again for another sneeze.  "hiTCHOO!" Mary sneezed into the tissue, bobbing forward just a bit.  She blew her nose, and looked apologetically at Darlene.  "I hope I'm not bothering you," she said, her voice just a little trembly.

"Hell no," Darlene assured her.  "This time, there's no plot to lose track of," she added with a laugh.

"But it must be annoying," Mary said, sniffing and twitching a bit.  The man was gyrating fully nude on the screen now, but Mary and Darlene weren't paying much attention.

"Oh my god, don't worry about that.  You have the best fucking sneezes of anyone alive," Darlene assured her, only becoming aware herself at that moment that it was true.  Mary's sneezes were absolutely wonderful.  Mary's hair, loose and long, had fallen across her face, and Darlene reached over and brushed it away.  At that moment, Mary's face contorted into a beautiful pre-sneeze expression.  Her eyebrows lifted and her mouth opened as her nostrils absolutely gaped and she gave a helpless little gasp, "ahh...hiCHOO!"  Since Darlene's hand was in her hair, Mary couldn't get away and hide her face this time, and instead she nearly fell forward into Darlene's arms.  Darlene wished that she had, and then, catching the wish, drew fearfully away from the thought.  Mary grabbed another tissue (the last one was balled up on the floor by now) and sneezed twice more, just little muffled ones, into the tissue.  "You all right, girl?" Darlene asked, rubbing the back of Mary's neck gently.  She felt the strangest impulse to do more than that, to take Mary right into her arms... but again, she supressed the thought.

Mary was just about going insane under Darlene's touch.  As Darlene tenderly rubbed the back of her neck, Mary felt fire running all through her, her fingers and toes and especially nose.  And by now she couldn't ignore the warm wetness between her legs.  She was suddenly terrified and confused at all the implications, but most of all there was just this incredible urge to sneeze.  "aaahh.... haaa... hiii... TCHOOO! hiCHOO!ahCHOOO!!!"  She didn't have a tissue ready, so she just sneezed into her hands.  She felt Darlene's hands rubbing her back, touching her face, in wonderful concern.  Mary's whole body was molten.

"Are you ok, honey?" Darlene asked gently.  "I can turn the video off."

Darlene was confused, too.  She couldn't ignore the hot moisture between her own legs, but she didn't want to think about what it meant - because she was totally ignoring the silly porno video, and totally focussed on Mary, who was absolutely shaking with sneezes.  And all Darlene wanted was to touch Mary - to take Mary in her arms and make it better somehow, to... what?  But Darlene was feeling increasingly guilty now, for fairly complex reasons, but the clearest was that Mary's sneezing was totally her fault.

As if to emphasize that last point, Mary managed to ask, "But what haahaaCHOO! what does the vide-videeeaaTCHIOO! video have to do with anything?"

Very embarrassed, Darlene knew it was time to explain.  "I put a hex on you.  To get back at you for screwing Ted.  I put one on him, too, a different one."  Mary was sneezing, but obviously listening.  "I hexed you so that you'd sneeze whenever you get horny.  So I'll turn off the video and everything should be ok."  With some regret that she preferred not to think about, Darlene hopped up from the sofa and hit stop on the video.

Back on the couch, Mary was giggling a bit stuffily.  "And here I thought I was allergic to you, 'cause every time I'm with you I get all sneezy...." she stopped, frozen, as she suddenly worked through the logical implications of what she'd just said.

Darlene, just rejoining Mary on the sofa, was only a moment longer in following that train of thought.  "Wait a second...." she said, and trailed off.

Mary suddenly felt scared, and not aroused or sneezy.  "Are you sure you did the hex right?" she whispered.

"Know what's funny, though," Darlene said in a sort of distant tone of voice, looking at the TV screen instead of at Mary, "It was supposed to be revenge.  Not super-bad revenge, just enough so that I could be satisfied and go back to liking you.  It was supposed to be inconvenient for you when you went out with guys.  But once it got started, I sort of forgot about that part.  I just wanted... I just wanted to be with you when you were aroused.  And sneezing."

They stared at each other for a moment or two like a couple of deer caught in each others' headlights.  Then Mary whispered, "I think maybe I fucked Ted 'cause I was jealous of him."

Darlene said softly, "You're my best friend, Mary.  I don't know... I always like being with you."  She reached over and stroked Mary's cheek, gently.  "How does that feel?"

"Good," Mary breathed.

This time, Mary paid more attention to what was happening in her body.  She faced it head-on, instead of letting her mind shy away from the difficult truth.  As Darlene's slender brown fingers traced the contours of Mary's face, Mary felt _two_ glowing balls of sensation start up - one at the back of her nose, and one in her pussy.  She moaned slightly, and leaned into Darlene's touch just as she felt the sneezy sensation start to grow faster than the sexual one.

Darlene felt a tickly fire in her own belly as Mary closed her eyes, rubbed her cheek against Darlene's hand, and started up little hitchy pre-sneeze breaths.  Throwing caution to the wind, Darlene leaned forward and kissed Mary's neck, right by the lace collar.  Then she lay her head against Mary's chest and listened and felt Mary shakily draw in one huge breath after another, without sneezing yet.  "Aaaaah!   Aaaaaaah!!!"  From this close, it sounded as though Mary was absolutely shouting the inhalations.  "Aaah!CHOOOOOO!!!"  The force of the huge sneeze sent Mary tumbling forward on the couch with Darlene falling underneath her.  Now Mary was actually lying on top of Darlene, supported by her arms, and she was preparing for another sneeze.  From underneath, Darlene had a fantastic view of Mary's trembling lips, and her rapidly flaring nostrils.  "HiTCHIIOOO!" Mary sneezed, twisting sideways at the last moment to avoid sneezing right in Darlene's face.  She fell, though, so that she was no longer supported by her arms but rather lying flat right on top of Darlene.  Darlene enjoyed the weight of her soft, gasping body.   But she knew she was ethically obliged to offer something now.

"I have a counter-hex" she said, whispering because Mary's ear was lying right by her mouth.  "Should I get it now?"

Mary turned her head so that her nose was touching Darlene's.  "If you want to," she said softly, in a very unsteady voice.  "But as for me, I can wait a little bit.  HiCHOO!"  She turned away again for the sneeze.

"Let me see you next time," Darlene whispered.  "Don't turn away."

"All right," Mary replied.  And then, most unexpectedly, Darlene felt Mary shifting so that she could get one arm between them - and suddenly Darlene felt Mary's fingers touching her clit, ever so gently.  At the same time, Mary's face, only inches from Darlene's, was contorting again, building up to another beautiful sneeze.  As Mary's fingers continued gently caressing the moistness between Darlene's legs, Mary's back arched so that her head rose up away from Darlene's.  Her teary eyes were looking skyward, the eyelids fluttering like hummingbird wings.  Her lips parted slightly, and pursed as though to kiss Darlene.  Her nostrils flared in time with her sharp inhalations,  "aah... haa... haa... HICHOOO!!!"  When she sneezed her head bobbed forward and her face screwed up, her eyes tightly closed and her mouth forming a tiny 'o' shape.  At the same time, her fingers against Darlene's clit pressed hard suddenly, causing Darlene to gasp herself.

Mary sighed and sniffed and opened her shining eyes to smile at Darlene.  "I'm warm enough," she said, and in one quick motion stripped off her nightdress.  Her nipples were hard pink buds in the centre of her two small breasts, and her pubic hair was a surprisingly pale triangle between her legs.  "Now this - ahchoo! - isn't quite fair now, is it?"

Darlene yielded easily as Mary pulled her T-shirt of over her head, and she guessed what Mary wanted.  Darlene slid her hand down between Mary's legs.  Mary was soft and wet and very warm.  Darlene had never made love to a woman before, but it was surprisingly natural.  She knew she was doing it right when Mary's sneezes got faster and louder.

"iiiiCHOO! oh yesss.... aaaah aaah CHOO!!!"

Darlene felt less and less in control of herself as she watched Mary's sneezes, and as with every sneeze Mary's fingers convulsed against Darlene's clit.  Mary's eyes only opened halfway between sneezes, and her nose was twitching like a rabbit's.  "ooooohhhheeeeeoooooh," Darlene heard herself moaning with the incredible combination of Mary's beautiful, sneezing body on top of her and Mary's surprisingly expert fingers massaging Darlene's secret places.  And Darlene remembered somehow, through it, to keep rubbing Mary's clit, in the same way that felt so wonderful when Mary did it to Darlene.

"OooohOoooohEEEAAACHOOO!" Mary sneezed, her back arching more than ever at the beginning of the sneeze.  With each sneeze, Darlene felt Mary tightening around her fingers.

"Haaaagaaaaahooooooh," Darlene moaned, feeling herself tightening the same way around Mary's touch.  She knew she was in climax now - the whole world was exploding with fire and orgasms and sneezes.

"EEEEECHOOO!AaaaghaCHOOO!OooooooHECHOOO!" Mary was sneezing and climaxing at the same time, the sneezes rocking her violently on top of Darlene.  "AAAAAACHOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"AAAAHYaaaaaahg!"  Mary absolutely yelled the last, huge sneeze at the same time that Darlene gave in to everything completely with an uncontrolled yell of her own.

Spent, Mary lay limply on top of Darlene; Mary was sniffling and they both were panting.  Mary sneezed again - just a little "hiCHoo!"

"I'd better go get the counter-hex now so that you can rest," Darlene said.

"We can do this again though, righ--heee---haCHOO! right?" Mary asked, sliding off Darlene.

"Oh yeah.  Totally.

A little later, with the exhausted Mary already sleeping in her arms, Darlene wondered at the implications of all this.  At what they'd done, and what they would do about it in the morning.  It really was terrifying.

But she'd never had a night better than this one.  And the idea that it could happen again.... she smiled quietly, and drifted off to sleep.