The Sneeze-Tease Exhibition
Well, there was nothing for it. She would have to seduce the knickers off her girlfriend when the latter came home from work. Sonja looked in to the mirror, flipped a handful of her long, softly permed black hair, and shrugged her shoulders at her reflection. Staring deep into Looking Glass Land, she gave her absent girlfriend fair warning.
"I'm terribly sorry, Carol, but these things just have to be done. It's all part of growing up and being British!"
Sonja was British herself, after a fashion. Though she hailed originally from The Cayman Islands, she had moved to England with her mum, dad and younger brother when she was just three years old. Sonja was dark skinned, but she was blessed with high, prominent cheekbones and quite a sharp nose for an Affro-Caribbean.
She looked at herself for a moment longer in the mirror, critical, appraising. Her deep, deep eyes seemed to smoulder as she practiced the look she would give Carol as soon as the other waltzed into their home. Sexy, sultry, irresistible; Sonja had it down pat. Placing a hand on her hip and jutting the latter forward, she struck a pose. She intended to let Carol know exactly what was expected of her! Pleased at the way her new stretch pink mini dress (very, very low cut) showed her large breasted figure off, she finally allowed herself to smile.
Sticking her tongue out at her reflection, she gave a light laugh... and went back to pacing.
Sonja and Carol both worked in a betting shop and over the years they had taken to considering any and everything in terms of 'odds'. Sonja reckoned that in three out of every four occasions, it would be her who initiated the first move when it came to their explosive, lust-filled bedroom antics. All down to Sonja's overcharged sexual appetite, of course. Carol liked to tease her, saying she could give the Energiser Bunny a run for his batteries. Not that she was complaining; as far as Carol was concerned, accommodating these sudden attacks of lust was marvellous fun.
The pair had been in a relationship for about three years, and Carol was the first and only white girl Sonja had ever bedded. As far as Sonja was concerned, though, Carol was irresistible. A full-breasted woman with long, mousy blond hair, she had sparkling blue eyes and a rich, dirty laugh that never failed to get Sonja laughing too. And yet, in addition to being physically attracted to Carol, there was something else that always got Sonja hot and bothered: seeing and hearing her lover sneeze.
Though it had always been thus, Sonja had never told her lover. She was afraid that Carol might find this odd, and anyway, it had never seemed necessary. She enjoyed them as and when they came, and secretly found each spurious explosion delightfully erotic. Without knowing it, Carol was most sneeze fetishists' dream come true. Ever the theatric, this lovely lady could make the build up to a sneeze heart-stoppingly vocal, stringing it out for as long as five minutes, throwing her entire body into the action before finally succumbing in a climactic finale. Sometimes, it was all Sonja could do to keep from clapping when Carol sneezed, and had she been a man, Carol would have gotten a standing ovation every single time.
It was just a shame that Carol didn't need to sneeze that often.
Just thinking about this was getting Sonja incredibly hot. She wanted, needed, to hear her lover sneeze. The hormones raging inside her weren't giving her any reprieve, and Sonja knew that she'd explode unless she had an orgasm. She was in such a state that she decided not to leave her fulfilment to chance.
There was nothing else to do but to give nature a helping hand.
What she needed was a quick spot of therapy.
Grabbing her coat, she locked the door to her flat and made her way to the string of shops on the street below. A memory had surfaced at the back of her mind. While out shopping the previous week, Sonja had discovered a shop selling scented candles. Smelling these candles ihad made her sneeze, so she decided to buy some and try them out on Carol.
Sonja entered the shop and set about choosing what she wanted. A private smile stole over features as she remembered the last time she'd looked at these very candles. The shop assistant's expression when she'd made the entire pyramid of candles topple over with the force of a gigantic sneeze had been priceless! She'd given Sonja the dirtiest look as the two of them had busied to rebuild the montage... and had ended up escorting her out of the shop when Sonja sneezed the whole thing down again seconds later. When the assistant - thankfully a different one - wrapped up Sonja's purchase, she said,
"These are lovely - I hope you enjoy them!"
Sonja gave her a salacious wink and replied, "More than you can ever know."
And she did enjoy them. She hoped to be able to enjoy results even more, but the candles in and of themselves were lovely. Stylised tea lights, a light sea green, they smelled like a mixture of jasmine, green tea, and something woodsy. Intriguing. Exotic. Sultry. Rather like their new owner, Sonja thought as she lit them. Dimming the lights, Sonja smiled, pleased at the romantic atmosphere the flickering lights dotted about the room created.
Everything was ready. Carol would be home any minute. Would the candles make either of them sneeze? Though they'd coaxed two huge sneezes out of her nose that other day in the shop, the effect was not replicated in the house. Sonja decided to wait; in the worst of cases, they'd provide a lovely ambiance, perfecting the setting for a long, lusty bout of lovemaking.
Sonja had arranged some nibbles and dips on the table to stave off the pangs of hunger prior to the evening meal. She was in no mood for any kind of build-up (except perhaps for that accompanying a most dramatic sneeze) - said meal would simply have to wait until after Carol's seduction!
Sure enough, right on time, Sonja heard the front door open.
Carol called out in a singsong voice, "It's meeee! Where are yooou?"
Sonja answered from the dining room, "I'm in heeere!"
Carol joined Sonja. She was wearing her corporate dress, a white silk blouse and a black pencil skirt. Carol's figure was such that she could make even this boring getup look sexy. Sonja gave her lover a quick admiring up-and-down before putting her arms around her and giving her a long, lingering kiss.
"Well," said Carol, "I'm stocking up on this eau de toilette, if that's the effect it has on you!"
Carol stood smiling and still with her hands around her hips. It was her turn to give Sonja a quick once-over. Her lips parting, she drew Sonja in again and gave her another long slow lingering kiss.
"Oh, I see," thought Sonja, pleased. "She's mad for it as well is she? She would be..."
Even if Carol only made the running one out of every four times they had sex, this still meant that Carol would be panting after Sonja with her tongue hanging out at worst every other day. Though this wasn't a rare occurrence, Sonja hadn't planned for this. Their both being revved up at the same time, but independently of each other, tended to happen a little more rarely. This was a one-in-twenty. Thinking about it, Sonja remembered the last time it happened was about ten days ago.
Sonja and Carol had been planning to spend a quiet night in front of the telly, watching a documentary-type animated programme about the supposed life of a dinosaur. The TV guide's description had been promising, but about ten minutes into it, both of them had been at pains to keep their eyes open. Neither had wanted to say anything, thinking the other really wanted to watch it, but as soon as Sonja had caught Carol stifling a yawn, things had taken a more exciting turn
Sonja laughed inwardly as she remembered how fraught it had become when they couldn't keep their hands off each other, still trying to watch the programme. Finally, Sonja had snapped, declared the programme the most boring thing since Emmerdale, and set about impressing her lover with her linguistic prowess.
And Sonja could bring Carol from cold to boiling hot in a second. She could (and had on a number of occasions) make Carol come just by talking to her.
"I'm going to make love to you all night. I'm going to fuck you until you beg for me stop. That's what you want, yeah?"
With a bit of aid in the cunnilingual department, Carol had soon enough been clawing at cushions and frightening their neighbours with her loud moans as Sonja made good on her promise. Again and again and again.
The thought of that night of passion made Sonja start to heat up even more.
Carol moved over to the candles. Sonja's heart was in her mouth.
"These smell nice," her lover commented. And yet, nothing happened beyond a pleased smile spreading across Carol's well-loved face. "Smells a bit like beech wood, doesn't it?"
Carol went and sat down at the table. Sonja promptly joined her, racking her brains to try and muster up some light conversation.
"Funny, I would have said green tea, me. But maybe you're right. What do you know about how beech wood smells, anyway?" asked Sonja as she bit into a piece of celery.
Unfortunately, she didn't see that the stalk had a black peppercorn stuck to it from the vinaigrette, and it made her purse her lips. Carol leaned over, unable to resist the urge to give her an impish peck on the lips while she was eating.
"Wuv you," she said, blue eyes alight and dancing with mirth.
Sonja had to hurry this along, otherwise she would surely careen out of control and what promised to be a rather exciting evening might be over way too soon.
"I 'wuv' you, too. Go on."
"I used to go in a pub that used to burn it in their fire."
"Isn't that illegal? Is that why they stopped?"
"I couldn't say. I never thought about it before now. I say 'used to,' because I stopped going there when I moved over here to live with you. I don't know that they don't still burn beech wood there. For all I know, they probably still do!"
"You'll have to take me there sometime, then."
little bit weary of their vapid conversation, Carol allowed her gaze to
drift from Sonja's eyes to her bosom. This unsubtle gesture didn't go
unnoticed by her lover, who was quite frankly pleased. It was fair do's:
she'd been lusting after Sonja for hours; it was nice to have the favour
you got to tell me then, sweetheart? You said you had some news when you
"Huh? What was that?"
"Have you anything to tell me from work?"
At that question, Carol eyes seemed to come alight. She astonished Sonja by sitting bolt upright in her chair, clapping her hands once and bursting into absolute gales of laughter.
This was certainly unexpected! For all the dozens of time she'd asked her lover this very question at the end of a hard day's work, she'd never had this kind of reaction. Carol was laughing so much she couldn't sit up, and she fell writing on Sonja's arm. The latter could smell Carol's own personal scent. It was a subtle odour that Sonja had only previously noticed when her lover cried. Sonja couldn't explain exactly why she found this so very erotic, but she did, and it was not helping her control her libido at all.
"God" she thought, "Everything about this woman gets me going. Her breasts, her bum her legs, her crying, her sneezing and now her laughter as well!"
Then, Carol noticed Sonja's astonished expression, and she stopped laughing. Sitting back up, she looked at Sonja. She may have quelled the laugher, but mirth was still coming out of every pore in her body. More giggles were trying to escape and she was making cute little squealing noises in the back of her throat which to Sonja sounded akin to those produced by a leaky radiator.
By then, Carol's laughter was becoming infectious.
"Well?" giggled Sonja.
She had to wait for Carol to stop laughing again. At least her curiosity was helping her to control her libido! Eventually Carol's hilarity wound down. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the base of her hand and tried to compose herself.
"Right!" Carol announced, waving both hands down to indicate that she was ready. "You have to hear this story Karen told me. It's absolutely brilliant!"
"Oh, Karen!" said Sonja, picturing their laid-back, sweet-featured mutual friend and colleague. Just thinking of Karen and her occasional lunatic spells at the shop was enough to get her smiling in turn. If anyone were capable of making up a story that would provoke such amusement in her lover, it was Karen. Even her face was funny, in Joan Cusack kind of way.
"Yeah, Karen. Now I don't say this is true, but Karen swears it is. What I say is, this is such a wonderful story, I don't give a monkey's if it's true or not."
"All right," replied Sonja "Forewarned and forearmed." Carol was an exceptionally gifted storyteller and judging by the twinkle in her eyes, this promised to be good.
Then, Carol's nose twitched just once.
"Oh, oh!" thought Sonja
Carol continued, unfazed. "You know yesterday was the kids' first day back at school after the six week summer holiday, right?"
"No, I didn't, but go on."
"Well it seems Karen's daughter came home from school yesterday and told this story. Karen's daughter's friend went on a caravan holiday with her parents and her grandma. Get the picture?"
"Yes, we see," Sonja dutifully replied, though she was having a bit of trouble getting her mind around the story's point of origin.
She was distracted, you see. At this point, Sonja thought she felt the slightest tickle in her nose, and had to steel herself against it. Her own sneezes turned her on nearly as much as Carol's, and despite the state of her libido, she was determined to control herself... at least until Carol had finished telling her story.
"Well, they all drove down to Dover. Do you know those massive car parks they have there?"
Sonja had spent many hours there, a victim of lightning strikes and bad weather. "Intimately!"
Carol's nose twitched again, and she put her hand to its side and made a small circular motion with her middle finger, exclaiming," Ooh... bless my itchy nose!"
As she brought her hand back down to the table to continue her narration, Sonja put hers at work on a very different task. Ever so discreetly, Sonja brought her hand under the table and began to massage herself as Carol continued to speak.
"Well, they stopped there for the father to collect the documents prior to their driving through the customs point, and I got the distinct impression that dad knew what grandma's reply was going to be when they asked for her passport."
Sonja was ahead of her. She gasped and put her free hand over her mouth.
"Oh Carol, no!"
"Oh yes," Carol replied, arching one well-defined eyebrow before going into the funniest 'old dear' take off, folding her arms under her chest.
I've never needed a passport. What would I want a passport for?'
"No, they didn't. Not by any manner of means! What they did was hoist granny out of the car and shove her into the caravan. Then, they made her sit on the loo in there while they drove through customs."
"No!" hooted Sonja. "What happened? Did they get caught?"
"No, it worked! Absolutely. And they had a wonderful time."
By then, the sensation in Sonja's nose had become as urgent as the sensation in between her legs. Carol didn't help matters by rubbing her own nose with her index finger.
"Have you still got an itchy nose, darling?" whispered Sonja, still discreetly massaging herself under the table's camouflage. She was on the brink of losing control.
"I got a sneezy nose!" replied Carol
" 'Cos , I bight deed to... Oh... Oooh!" cried Sonja.
Carol was pinching her nose shut with her thumb and forefinger and said, "Oh God, Sonja, not you as well?"
Sonja screwed up her face in the pre sneeze expression that she knew only too well. She quickly drew her hands up to eye level, leaving off any kind of sex play, and waved her hands in front of her face as her nostrils involuntarily flared. "Yeah... it... I ... Oohh... Ah... ATCHH... CHHOO!"
"Oh, bless you," said Carol, "I think it's all this laughing we've been doing."
"Oh no Carol, don't have us being aller-... aller-... allergic to laugh-... laughi-... Ah... ASHOOO!"
"Yeah. It makes sense. Tears don't just go forward out of your eyes, they go the other way as well, irritating your sinuses and making you sneeze. That's what causes you to sneeze when you look at a bright light!"
"Oh, that's certainly interesting!" Sonja was dubious about Carol's explanation of photic sneezing but politely omitted saying so. " Anyway, I thought it was a brilliant story, but I don't believe it."
"No, I don't either, but you've not heard the half of it. There's more to it."
"Of course!" gasped Sonja, "they've got to get back home."
"Exactly!" replied Carol catching her lover's eye. Both she and Sonja knew from bitter experience that if there's one thing more difficult in this world than getting out if England, then it's getting back in again.
"So back at customs, they sat granny back again on the toilet. They drove back in, and it worked again!"
"They were bloody lucky," Sonja mused.
"Yeahhhh..." Carol turned her head away from Sonja and pinched her nose again.
Sonja's hand went back down under the table and between her legs. Carol's mouth opened as she took in deep gulps of air, but no sneeze came. This was a typical Carol-type sneeze-tease exhibition, and Sonja was on the brink of sexual explosion.
"Oh, nearly," said Carol. "Damn- this sneeze just won't come out! Sorry, what did you say?"
"I said, 'they were bloody lucky'."
"I know. But get this. They pulled the same stunt, got through fine... Until they parked back up in the car park again, and went into the caravan to retrieve granny. Then, on opening the caravan's toilet door they found..."
Carol paused dramatically.
"Yes?" encouraged Sonja
"She was dead!"
"No!" Sonja brought a hand to her mouth.
"Yep. Absolutely. Sat on the crapper, stiff as a board!"
"What did they do?" squealed Sonja.
"Well, they had to give themselves up, didn't they?"
"What do you mean, 'why?' What would you have done?"
"I dunno. I'd need time to think!"
"Ah well," said Carol, "They didn't have any time, did they? So they went to the Customs shed and confessed all. Apparently, they got the mother-and-father of all bollockings from the Customs Officer. But wait for it: afterwards, they were frog marched back to the car park were they discovered..."
Again Carol paused. Sonja was on the edge of her seat.
"I'm... I'm gonna sneeze!" squeaked Carol
Their eyes locked.
"No you're not. Finish the story!"
"You're not," giggled Sonja
Carol jumped up and down in her chair in frustration, making her breasts wobble.
"Oh, you're makin' it not wanna come out," she whined.
Sonja succeeded in scaring away the sneeze. "Finish. The. Story!" she growled.
Carol sighed, then gave another quick laugh before resuming her tale. "Where was I? Oh yeah, that's it. As it turns out, they discovered that while they were being grilled at customs, someone had nicked the car and the caravan."
Sonja nearly screamed, "No!"
"Yep. Car, caravan, dead granny nicked, gone, offski!"
"Oh, now that's absolutely amazing! That's terrible, that is!" said Sonja.
"I know. Apparently it happens all the time. It seems that thieves watch these car parks and they can tell people are going to be some time if they are seen going into the customs offices, so they make their move. The cars get broken into and they get turned around and driven back to the continent."
"Oh my God!"
"I tell you what, spare a thought for the poor tea-leaf (that's thief to you, Eugene. What, you don't speak Cockney?) turning up to his employers with a nice car and caravan, only to open it and examine the swag, discovering that there's a dead granny in the caravan shit-house! Not nice that, if you're an ambitious continental car and caravan thief!"
Then, Carol stopped for good, and held on to the dinning table. Her eyes half closed and her bottom jaw sagged ever so slightly. She cupped her hands over her nose.
"Honey, it's no good. I'm gonna have to sneeze..."
Sonja went from mirth to arousal again in an instant, all traces of hilarity brought on by Carol's story gone in a flash. Her mind went blank and her right hand disappeared under the table again, sneaking into her underwear, as she took in Carol's tortured expression; the half-closed eyes, the quivering nostrils, flaring wider, wider, until at last neither of them could stand it anymore.
"AAAH... AAHHH... AH... OH! AH... AH-CHSHH... HOOH!... Oh, actually, I thig it's those cadles. Oh... I'm gonna sneeze again... Sonja, I'b godda sdeeze... HEH... EHH... AAA... AAAHH...TISSSSH SHOOO!! Oh, ad agaid… HAAA… AAAAHH… ACHISSH SHOOO!"
By now Sonja was squirming furiously under the table as Carol's sneezes burst forth like a torrent through a dam. All this sneezing and teasing, thoughts of sneezes and talk of them from the moment her lover had breezed through the door, had wound her up tighter than a coiled spring. Her own fingers had worked their magic so well that she was about to explode... only she didn't want to do it alone.
"Oh, Carol, I'm sorry, I've got to have you now!"
Carol barely had time to recover from her sneezes that Sonja had pounced on her. She didn't mind, however, and the pair started kissing hungrily. Their legs intertwined under the table as Sonja rubbed herself, hard, up against Carol's thigh.
"Don't apologise, sweetie. I've been mad for you all day..." Carol paused, finding Sonja suddenly backing off. "Hey, now. Are you gonna sneeze as well?"
Carol noticed Sonja nose twitching. Her lover was breathing deeply, slow, hitching inhales, and Carol was able to feast her gaze again on Sonja's wonderful bosom as it rose and fell in her own sneeze-tease exhibition.
"Yeah, " she breathed, " I really need to... oh... oh... OH! I'm gonna... have to... blow... those... ca... ca..."
But Carol wouldn't let her go. She kept her arms around Sonja shoulders as she massaged her breasts. The candles had well and truly served their purpose; while the two women had been conversing, the scent had filled the air, permeating it, until the place fairly swam in their intricate aroma... and their noses tickled to no end.
Carol jumped up off her chair and straddled her partner, her skirt hiked up to her waist. She kept both hands on Sonja's lush breasts, kneading them as she kissed her lover's struggling mouth. Despite her ticklish nose, Sonja was still so aroused that she ground her pelvis against Carol's, practically lifting her off her feet. Smiling around her lover's lips, Carol got the message. She took one hand off her lover's breasts and brought it down lower, slipping it past the elastic skirt waistband and the soft fabric of Sonja's underwear until she reached a core of warmth.
"God you're wet," she breathed, kissing Sonja's neck and bestowing a gentle rain of kisses onto it.
"I want you so much babe," Sonja replied, her own hand going up as Carol shifted to accommodate her. "But my nose is so sneezy..."
Pulling down her partner's hose. Since Carol had never been much for underwear, Sonja straight away found her lover's sex in a state similar to her own: hot, open, and wet. She immediately set to work, using one hand to rub Carol's clit and probing her lush warmth deeply with the fingers of the other. Carol's breath became shaky as Sonja expertly handled her sex; she'd been pretty hot to begin with, but her virtuoso girlfriend handled her cunt as if it were an instrument, making it sing, making it quiver.
"Carol, I'm sorry, but Ihh... I really gotta... gotta-aaah... gotta sneeze!"
Carol gasped, "Oh yes! Don't hold back; just give it to me. Just sneeze and make me come! Sneeze and make me come!"
She buried her face into Sonja chest, trembling, on the brink of orgasm as Sonja's sneezes burst forth.
" AH.... SHOO!! AH... CHOOO!!"
Those two sneezes were all it took to bring Carol over the edge. Sonja's fingers plunged sharply into her in time with each sneeze, and she moaned her pleasure aloud as she felt it flow through her, rippling outward like waves in a pond. Her legs shaking as she rocked her body front to back on Sonja's hand, Carol heard her lover say,
"Oh, I'm gonna come as well!"
Then, even as Carol was still enjoying the fading echo of her orgasm, it was Sonja's turn to feel pleasure pounding its way through her. Like Carol, she gave a loud moan, shaking her head so that her hair rustled around her shoulders in shiny black waves. Each rocking against the other's hand, it was only sheer practice that prevented them from falling of the chair and onto the floor.
Sonja finally got her breath back and looked down at her lover.
"Carol, next time you're going to make me laugh like that, give some warning, will you? I'll buy extra tissues!
"Only if you warn me the next time you're plotting romantic little evenings with candles, sneezes, and fantastic sex. I'll be the one buying tissues," replied Carol.
Sonja laughed. "Point taken. Now... anyone for dinner?"
"In a second," Carol replied, pushing Sonja away gently and getting up. "Just let me put out those candles - they're making me want to sneeze again already."
Sonja stopped laughing and caught her lover's eye. She got a hold of Carol's arm, pulling her close again. "Sod it. Forget dinner! I've got a better idea. Let's just keep the candles lit. I've got a bit of an appetite tonight, and the more I think about it, the more I realize it has nothing to do with food."