Snow, Champagne and Sneezes


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It's Sunday morning and I'm driving to work. It's early January, the sky is a pearly grey, and according to my car, the outside temperature is hovering around -12 C. And I'm going to work... on a Sunday. But you don't find me downhearted. No. There are a number of reasons for this.

Firstly, the task I have to perform is a no pressure job, unlike most things I have to do during the week. At the beginning of each year we look at all the archived documents in our possession and those that are over 6 years old have to be checked to see if they can be destroyed. If they can, then it's a matter of putting them into paper bags and sending them off to their doom. I can do that! Also, it being a Sunday, I'm being paid pots of money - always an incentive - and I get a day off in lieu as well.

Furthermore, I will not be alone. I will have with me the lovely Win. Win and I have worked together for about 3 years. She's got a lovely curvy figure and I've always been attracted to her. Although we flirt with each other like mad at work, nothing has ever come of it. Yet! There is another thing about Win. She's got the funniest sneeze: she sneezes in instalments. There is a first part to her sneeze and then a short couple of second intermission followed by a loud report all the way from the upper reaches of her voice. She always seems to me to sneeze when it's quiet and when she's near me. I don't know what the world record for the sitting high jump is, but working with Win, I should think I hold it.

Being a sneeze fetishist, at first I teased Win about her sneezes. Eventually, I asked her if I could have an early warning of her sneezes, pretending she was making me a nervous wreck. Now I am in the wonderful situation that, when Win thinks she's going to sneeze and she's near me, she tells me about it so that I'll have the luxury of anticipating and observing this wonderful even. This also means that there are at least as many false alarms as there are actual sneezes, and I oddly enough find this and incredible turn on as well. It makes her actual sneezes all the more erotic when the finally come.

Were you feeling sorry for me earlier, when I said I was working on a Sunday? I hope you've revised your opinion now. As should be obvious by now, the prospect of being alone with Win in our dusty little archive room would have caused me to go into work on my hands and knees. We were to be the only people working today and that meant I could park my car in the space nearest the lift. (That's elevator to you, Eugene!)

We work in a huge open plan office with a small room at each end. There is one small room near the entrance where I'd just come in. This is our absurdly tiny kitchen area. Facing this, but right at the other end, is the Archive Room where Win and I would be working today. All the lights were already turned on (as, frankly, was I) so I assumed Win had got there before me.

I shouted, "Wiiiin!?"

The reply came from behind me, "In heeeere!"

She was in the kitchen so I went in. She was wearing a tight lilac T-shirt and a white denim skirt.

"Hiya!" I said.

In response, Win gritted her teeth and gave me a mock growl as she put both her hands on my cheeks. Yow! The poor old sausage was absolutely freezing!

"My God, woman. You hands are absolutely blue!"

I held her hands in mine and I blew some warm air onto them.

"It's alright for you car drivers, but I've had to come here on the bus."

Even though my car had been flashing warning lights at me all morning about how very cold it was outside, I was still surprised as to how cold she was.

She made me a hot drink while I hung up my coat, and then we went into the archive room together. The first hour or so was uneventful, just long enough for thoughts of Win sneezing to almost completely disappear from my mind when, all at once, she touched my arm.

I looked at her, expectantly. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes had half closed.

"I keep feeling like I want to sneeze."

I was instantly on tenterhooks and I eyed her closely.

Then she put her other hand on my arm and said, "I think you'd better hang on to your T-shirt!" Her voice changed to a whisper as the impending sneeze began to take over.

"Oh... I don't know..."

And then... It was gone. Another false start. I honestly believe we were both disappointed, though perhaps I bore the brunt of that.

Win sighed, smiled at me, and then turned back to what she had been doing and said, "You know, if you think I sneeze funny... I've got a friend staying with me, Rebecca and you should hear her!"

I'd love to hear both of them. Not much chance of that.

I then rested my chin on her right shoulder put my arms around her waist and said, "Want another drink?"

"Mmmmm," she replied, though thinking back on it now, I'm not sure whether I got that response because she really did like the idea of another cup of tea.

As luck would have it, win never did get her steaming mug. Though I swear it wasn't entirely my fault. She rubbed her cheek against mine and pressed her shapely bum into my groin, causing me to unravel like a fire fighter's hose. I then turned my head and breathed, hotly and heavily, into her receptive ear.

Win has short hair. I don't normally go for women with short hair, but Win was an exception. As I've suggested, I love her full-breasted figure and the way she sneezes. I also genuinely like her as well. Having short hair affords easy access to her lovely neck, and I proceeded to give her lots of little button kisses, which caused her to shiver. Then, she turned to face me and put her arms around my neck. She gave me three short, wet noisy kisses, before screwing up her face in the cutest way and putting a thumb and forefinger together. In a little-girl voice she said,

"You've got to let me have just one little sneeze"

I was too turned on to talk. I just watched as she put the flat of her hand to her nose as her breathing shuddered. But then, again it stopped as soon as it started.

It didn't seem to bother Win. She put her arms back around my neck and we started a long passionate kiss. The kiss became more urgent as Win pulled my head towards hers, beginning to softly moan. Things were going swimmingly, but then I heard the sound of a phone ringing in the main office. This had to be for one of us. No one would ring our place on a Sunday otherwise.

Reluctantly, I broke free from Win's embrace. I said, "I'll get it."

I went into the main office and was brought up abruptly by the scene outside. "Good God almighty!" I whispered.

The snow was falling horizontally. I'd never seen anything like it! The big fluffy white flakes looked as though they were trying to batter their way in. The city, usually busy at a weekend, was deserted. Everything in sight was covered in a thick white blanket; a beautiful site, but also a rather worrying one. In turn, Win came out of the archive room to see what had caused the profanity and screamed at the sight.

The telephone continued to ring.

"It's probably John," Win said. It made sense: who else but our boss knew we'd be here?

I picked up the telephone. It wasn't John; It was my dad. "They're closing 'The Snake'", he said, meaning the 'The Snake Pass', which is the road I need to take to get home, "The city's overloaded; not enough machinery to keep up with the snow!" He went on to tell me.

The another telephone rang then and Win picked it up.

"How long's it been doing this?" I asked my old man.

"About two hours", he replied, "What's the matter, haven't you got any windows in your office?"

(No, they're all Apple Macs. Nyah-hah-hah-hah!... ahem.)

"I might have to get a train."

"If you can. And there are no busses running here"

Oh great! The walk from the office to the station in the city where I work isn't bad, but the walk from the station in the town where I live to my house is horrendous. Especially in this weather.

"I'll give you a ring back when I know what I'm doing," I said as I rang off.

I then had chance to listen to what was left of Win's half of her telephone conversation.

It was the friend who Win was staying with that had telephoned. I watched with rapt interest, because they seemed to be talking about me staying the night with them. This would be a most excellent outcome, for all the reasons under the sun.

(What bloody sun?)

Then, as I was watching Win, she scratched her nose with the back of her index finger. She smiled at me and then went on to wiggle her nose, trying to fend off another approaching sneeze. After this, she tried waving her hand in front of her face, but this didn't frighten away her sneeze either. She carried on wriggling her nose for a bit before shaking her head and putting her index finger under her nose. Her mouth opened and she began to take huge, shuddering breaths, her wonderful bosom rising and falling as she did so.

She was still looking and smiling at me then, and she shrugged her shoulders, possibly out of residual embarrassment at having me witness her sneezing, even though it had happened countless times before.

It is to be hoped, I remember thinking at the time, that her friend... oh, what was her name? Rebecca! It is to be hoped that Rebecca didn't have sensitive hearing, because I'd never seen such a pre- sneeze display from Win in all the years I'd known her, which is saying something.

She gave in to the inevitable, turned away from the receiver, and fired off the sneeze onto her finger. Her entire body shook with the force of it. And the most amazing thing is, she never made a sound! So she can sneeze quietly! She proved it again as I watched by sneezing a second time.

She then turned back to the receiver and resumed her conversation as if nothing had happened.

"No, he isn't!!" she squeaked. " I was just sneezing, that's all!"

I learned nothing more about this most interesting interjection because the telephone on my desk rang again. I thought, "It's getting busier in here now than it is during the week!"

This time it was our boss. "It's just occurred to me," he said, "That you might not know about the weather because there's no windows in the archive room. You have to get out now. This city is grinding to a halt. There's no public transport at all and all the West/East routes in the entire country are blocked with snow, so I expect you're not going home tonight. If you need to stay in a hotel, just put on your expenses and I'll sign it. Terribly sorry, mate."

"Now I can't fail", I thought. I could throw a snowball from our office and hit five hotels. I'd rather go home with Win, though, and spend the night with her and Rebecca. In any way they'd have me, of course, and not necessarily that which had sprung up first in my hyperactive imagination.

"You need to ring me back later," said John, "and let me know what you do."

"Sure thing," I said, and rang off.

Win had already finished her call with Rebecca in the interim.

"There aren't any buses, " she said. " How do you fancy taking me home and we can put you up for the night?"

"Yeah. That was John; he's just told me the same thing. Yes, of course I'll take you home," I said, hoping I wouldn't trip over my tongue on the way to my car. "Shall we go right away?"

We put on our coats, turned off the lights and went. The lift to the car park seemed to be the only lively thing in the city, the only means of public transport in sight. We only have a small eight-person lift and, when we got in, she started rubbing her nose again with the back of her hand. "Ooh, gosh!" she said, "I'd better not sneeze in this lift!" Her nose twitched again, just like it did when she was on the blower (that's another word for "telephone", if you're wondering, Eugene!) to Rebecca but, this time, she managed to hold it back. All things considered, it probably wasn't a bad idea, as I'm not sure our lift could have stood fast against the explosive power of Win's sneezes.

When we cam out of the lift she held my hand but stopped after only a few paces and put her finger under her nose and... " HAT...NYEAHH!"

The sneeze echoed around the empty multi-story car park.

"Hat nyeah?" I said.

"That's right,"she laughed as we got into my car. Then, she held a finger under her nose again. "Hold on. I'm going to do another sneeze... HAT... NEUUU!!"

We both laughed again. She really does have a funny sneeze.

The she said, "Come on, gimme another kiss for luck before we set off!"

Being a gentleman, I folded her in a passionate embrace and we had another heavy kissing session. Then she broke away and said,

"You know, Rebecca is going to want to play this game with us. Tell me now if you have a problem with that."

Did I die in an avalanche and go to Heaven whilst I wasn't looking? "Win," I replied, "the only problem I have with it is not making a mess of my favourite jeans by imagining being with you two tonight!"

"Are you really that excited?" she purred, rubbing the front of my jeans. " Ooh..! You are sexed up aren't you?"

"Look, Win, " I said, a note of desperation creeping in for the first time, "if you keep playing with that, it's likely to go off in your hand. There's no safety catch down there, you know."

Win just gave a lustful little chuckle, but then the building was rocked by an enormous bang and a pall of snow blew into the car park up the exit ramp.

"Win, we're really gonna have to get out of here now to stand a chance of me getting you to your place without getting stuck," I said, however much the prospect of being snow-bound in a car with a sneezy Win appealed to me at that moment.

So I did the responsible thing, and pulled the car out into what I can only describe as carnage. As someone else said somewhere else, stress and nervous tension has now become a major problem in society, and to prevent this state of affairs from being in any way exacerbated I will now reveal in advance that I managed to get self, car and Win safely home.

Although the weather was God awful, I had a few things in my favour. For a start, my car weighs two and a quarter tons. Although the roads were caked in snow, the city in which I work is flat. Also, it being a Sunday, there wasn't much traffic on the road either. I did occasion Win some temporary alarm when I pulled into one of those licensed gas stations, but the car park was covered so it didn't have any snow on it. Win had told me that Rebecca was cooking Thai chicken and rice with lemon grass so I wanted to buy a drink to go with it.

Win stayed in the car as I went into the shop. I managed, to my surprise, to find a bottle of nice light dry champagne to go with our meal. There was an attractive young lady behind the counter and, whilst not wishing to feel greedy by chatting her up, I couldn't resist asking her how she was going to get home. She jerked her thumb in the direction of the window opposite and I could see, looming though the blizzard, a huge Jeep Cherokee.

"Well," I said, "If you have problems getting home in that thing I'd better pack in now!"

"No," she replied, "I'll get home ok. I'll tell you what though," she went on, "I don't think that that shade of lipstick you're wearing goes well with you're your clothes!"


She giggled behind her hand and then picked up a small mirror from behind the counter and held it up in front of me so I could take a look at myself. I'd got Win's pink lipstick all over my mouth.

"I know what you've been doin'" she said in a sing-song mock accusation.

"Oh, 'eck!" I said rubbing off the offending lippy.

Then, all at once she said, "Can you hold onto the mirror, love, I have to sneeze."

Hey, what?

Then she thrust the mirror into my hand, turned away with her finger under her nose, and did it: " Aah... CHIOOO! Ooh, dear me!"

The last thing I needed was having my libido kick started again when I my ability to concentrate was all that lay between life and my wrapping us round a lamppost.

I quickly paid for the champagne and left. She called after me, "Don't worry, pet. Just take it steady and you'll be all right!"

I'm sure this, what would have been an otherwise welcome little sneeze of no real significance, caused me to notice for the first time when I got back into the car that Win's heavy winter coat could not hide her curvy figure. I still wouldn't have done anything but she looked so unhappy and so frightened sat the in the car looking at the bedlam outside that I had to give her a kiss and a cuddle.

"Don't worry," I said, "We'll be fine. I've got you, I'll get us home okay."

This was just to reassure her, but I still couldn't help getting tingly at the feel of the wonderful figure of a woman who had been turning me on for three years just by talking to me, let alone what had gone off between us earlier in the day.

Still, it was up to me to get us home, so I eased the car back out into the winter's storm.

I gave her the bottle of champagne and said "Can you hold this? Make sure it keeps still. We don't want it spurting up all over the place when we open it." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I blushed, but luckily Win didn't notice.

"Okay," She whispered.

I did eventually get us home. Fortunately, I didn't have to stop, but the bit that worried Win most was when I had to run four red lights with my own light blazing because if I had stopped I would have become stuck. It was quite dark by the time we eventually fetched up outside the little suburban semi that was Win's home.

We ran in and a woman flung her arms around Win and kissed her on both cheeks.

"Win! You all right? Thank God you're safe! I was worried sick!"

Rebecca then introduced herself and thanked me for getting Win home safely. She raised a cheek for me to kiss, but decided to go continental and give her one on both, just like she had done to Win.

I would say that Rebecca was five or six year younger than Win. Her bust was about the same size as Win's, but her waist was narrower and her bottom smaller. She was wearing a tight red rust-coloured woollen cardigan and tight black denim jeans. She had wavy shoulder length mouse-brown hair.

I said, "I bought this for us to drink with the meal," and handed her the champagne.

She took it from me but shook her head and said, "Cheers, but we can't drink this now; it's too warm."

Of course, she was right. I could have put the bottle in the boot (If you're still with us, Eugene, that's trunk to you, mate!); we weren't going anywhere near fast enough to shake it up. But I wanted to give Win something to hold onto for comfort, and the bottle seemed to be an agreeable substitute for my own warm body.

"Don't worry," said Rebecca. "We have plenty of wine to drink with the meal. I'll put this in the fridge and we can have it afterwards."

Rebecca poured us a large glass of wine each, and we sat down to eat almost straight away. Win soon managed to relax, the stress of the journey melting away progressively with each swallow of the medium-dry in her glass. Wine and conversation flowed freely, and the chicken Rebecca had cooked was exquisite.

I found Rebecca a pleasant, vivacious woman, easy to talk to and even more easy to listen to. I couldn't stop thinking, though, about what Win had said about the way Rebecca sneezed. I was for a while thinking up a way to manufacture a situation to make Rebecca sneeze, but I abandoned this idea. I couldn't think of how to do it and I considered it to be immoral, no matter how much I wanted to her sneeze. Still, it looked like we were going to be together for a while and I considered that the odds were in my favour; chances were I'd get to witness a natural sneeze, in time.

I focused on the meal to divert my active imagination. As I'd said, the food was delicious, and I was very pleased to see Win recover so quickly and completely from the nightmare that was our journey back in the snow. I had been getting worried about her, but Rebecca told me at the dinner table that Win is a nervous passenger even when the weather's perfect, so my mind was set at ease.

When we'd finally finished eating, Win said, "Do you want to go into the lounge and watch TV for a bit while me and Rebecca do the washing up?"

"Oh I don't want to sit in the living room all on my own while you two stay in the kitchen. I want to come in and help!" I replied.

"Aw, poor baby!" said Win

"Yes, but more importantly," I joked, "if I help the washing up will be done that much quicker."

"Even if you don't know where anything goes?" asked Rebecca, calling my bluff with a smirk on her lovely open features.

"OK" I suggested to Win. "Since it's your house and you know where everything goes, how about if I wash and Rebecca dries and you put away?"

"Ooh! Isn't he organised?" said Rebecca, patting me on the neck for a laugh.

We put our plan into operation, but things did get a little bit frisky at first. Well... you know what it's like: the wine when it's red, the blood when it's young. At one stage, Rebecca tugged my T-shirt from out of the back of my jeans and put her hand up my back and said, "I think he's so sweet for offering to help with the washing up, I could just kiss him!"

"Go on then!" encouraged Win, assuming rightly that I wouldn't be opposed to the idea.

So I turned my face towards Rebecca and then we kissed.

"I should kiss him as well, then, shouldn't I?" said Win.

"Go on then" I said this time, and she obliged.

Win then turned to Rebecca and whispered, huskily, " I could just kiss you as well."

So they faced each other with one arm each around my waist and kissed in front of me, making a show of rubbing their breasts together.

(Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!)

Then we all broke apart and Win said, "Come on, let's get these dishes washed before things get out of hand."

So, we had to concentrate on the dishes, but with our little "production line" they were done in no time. Then, Rebecca went to the fridge and pulled out the champagne, which I'd completely forgotten about. Cost me 24.90 as well! Win produced a stainless steel bucket and some proper champagne glasses, while Rebecca deftly opened the bottle with a satisfying pop, wrapped the bottle in a towel, and then we all repaired to the lounge.

I sat on the couch and Win and Rebecca sat on either side of me. Rebecca poured us all a glass of champagne. I'd never bought champagne from a gas station before and, do you know, it wasn't half bad! The fun, though, started from Rebecca's first sip.

She rubbed her nose with her index finger and said in a lovely, squeaky little girl voice,"Ooh! The bubbles are tickling my nose!"

I felt Win move close to me as she put her hands on my waist.

Then Rebecca took another sip and went on, " Oooh... The bubbles... They're making me want to sneeze!"

I felt Win tighten her hold about my waist.

Then, Rebecca pressed her index finger under her nose and gave in to the urge: "AH.... TISH ....OOO! God, bless me!"

"Hey!" I laughed, "You can't bless yourself!"

Still in her little Shirley Temple voice she said, "I can! But I think Win needs some attention from you while I 'bless me' again!"

By this time I had turned so far to my left watching the wonderful performance being put on by Rebecca that Win was all but sat directly behind me. I turned to face her at Rebecca's words and Win's face was a stunningly beautiful picture of naked desire and lust, bless it! I put my face close to hers, her lips almost touching mine, my own libido rising to the extent that it was making my ears ring.

Then I heard Rebecca say from behind me, "Oh, dear I'm gonna 'tishoo' again. Oh... Ohhh.. AH"... AH-ha....!! TISHOOOO...!!!! Bless me!"

The Win pounced on me, kissing me hungrily and making desperate, hungry "mmmmm... mmmm" noises.

Then I heard again from behind me, "Oh...' atishoo' oh... AAH....! AAHH...!! TISHOO....!!!! Oh... bless me!"

Win was moaning and writhing at the side of me while we were kissing, and she brought my left hand up to her breast. She looked almost as if she were in the throes of an orgasm right there, sat beside me while we were kissing. Rebecca's face was picture of pure amusement.

"Win," she said, "Did you just come then?"

"No," Win laughed, "Not quite... but sweetie, you know what sneezing does to me!"

I thought, "Well, I sure didn't!"

"Don't apologise!" exclaimed Rebecca, "I know exactly how you feel; It's the most erotic thing I've ever seen as well."

"Hear! Hear!" I added.

"Right, my lad," said Win, her pride reassured and restored, "it's your turn."

The she took another sip of champagne.

"Mmmm...It's good stuff, this. Now, lay on your back with... ooh... I see what you mean about the bubbles!" She rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. Her nose went on twitching as she tried to speak. "Put... put your head ih-.. in Rebecca's la-.... lap!"

I did as ordered but Win had to turn her head away with the index finger pressed under her nose as her sneeze took over. With my head in Rebecca's lap, I heard and felt her just fail to suppress a little giggle as Win eventually succumbed to the sneeze.


"Bless you," we said, our timing flawless.

She tried to speak again, " Right, I..... oooohh... ooooh. AAAAHHH.......!!! TNEUW!!!"

Rebecca giggled again.

We looked at her expectantly. Win said, "Finished now." (I thought, "Boo!") "Right, let's see what we've go to work with!"

With that she deftly undid the zip of my jeans and I stood proudly to attention.

"My! How you've grown!"

Then, like something out of my wildest fantasies, she pulled her skirt up and settled herself down on me. Her pussy was already soaking and felt unbearably tantalizing. I'd been turned on and put "on standby" so many times already that day that I felt like the TV set of fate.

"Win," I gasped, "I don't think I'm going to be very good. I'm so turned on, I don't think I'll be able to last very long at all!"

"Don't worry, baby," cooed Win while Rebecca stoked my forehead and my hair, "just let it come. Let Auntie Win look after you. You've been such a good lad today." Then, she looked up at our friend. "Oh, and Rebecca, your beautiful nose... it's twitching again, isn't it?"

I tried to look up at her but she was sat upright and her face was obscured by the under side of her heaving bosom. Not the worst sight I'd ever seen, though! I could feel her breathing become irregular, turning me on even more.

"I know," she replied, "But I'm not really gonna sdeeze agai-... agai-... Oh! AH... TISSH!... OOO!!"

Win was grinding up and down on me, and gasped, "Oh, God! I don't believe this! I'm gonna come!"

And then, something happened which I thought was only possible in the minds of porn film screenwriters. We both the exploded into earth shattering orgasms at the exact same time. "Christ!" I thought as my cock exploded into Win's furiously contracting sex, white hot spurts that seemed to go on until I didn't think they were ever going to stop. And yet, to my chagrin, stop they did, and I was utterly exhausted in the aftermath. Rebecca had been stroking my forehead all the time, as though I was wounded soldier.

"God," I gasped at length. "I'm too old for this stuff!"

"Well, look at it this way," Rebecca said. "You're safe and warm and not battling your way over that pass in this weather. Could be worse." Was that a twinkle I saw in her eye as she leaned over to fully savour my flushed cheeks and dazed expression?

"Oh damn," said Win. "We forgot to tell John what were doing!"

"I've not called my Dad either." I said, thinking "And I'm sure as hell not going to tell him what we're doing!"

"Give me your dad's number and I'll call them both from the extension upstairs, if you like," said Win.

I don't know why, but the way she said it seemed to suggest that she wanted me to be left alone with Rebecca. Though I was prepared for us to remain as a threesome, I was curious as to my feeling that there seemed to be a hidden agenda to get Rebecca and I alone. My motto in these situations is just to "play dumb" and do as I'm told. (You'd be surprised at how well this works in a variety of situations Eugene- though I don't think that'll be too much of a hard job for you mate, now will it?)

We all got up and went over to the table with our newly charged post coital glasses, and I wrote my Dad's phone number down while Win had another drink. This of course made her nose itch again. She didn't have any spare fingers to rub her nose with while she was holding down the paper where I was scribbling my Dad's name and number, so she tried wriggling her nose. It cut a very cute picture.

When I'd finished writing, she turned away with her back to us and held her finger under her tickling nose. Rebecca put her arm around my waist and I put my arm around hers and we smiled to each other knowingly. We waited, but no sneeze came. Win just sighed and the walked a few paces towards the door, before stopping again with her finger in an expectant sneeze-holding position.

Then she sneeze twice, " Atchh... NEU!!! AAHH... AHHH ATCH NEEUUUWWW!!"

With that, she was gone and Rebecca and I were left alone. I looked at her, "She's got the daftest sneeze," I said, "hasn't she?"

"I hope you don't think my sneezes are daft!" Rebecca chided.

"No, you've got me wrong. Listen, I love Win's sneezes, I think they're funny. And sweet."

"Well, what do you think about mine?"

"Actually I suspect that your sneezes have the same effect on me as they do on Win," I said, striving for subtlety but falling, I suspected, quite short of it.

Rebecca played along. "I wonder what you mean," she said. "Guess I might find out, 'cos I want to have some more of this wonderful champagne. What to do? It does make my nose tickle so!"

So of course, she poured herself another glass and had a drink. "It makes me randy as well," she said, flirtatiousness dousing her tone as she turned tome me and put her arms around my waist.

We kissed, but very briefly, because then she said, "Oh, dear. I think I have to 'tishoo' again!"

I loved they way she announces her sneezes like this. She turned around in my arms with her back to me, pressing her wonderful bum into my groin. She put her middle finger to her nose and said, "'Atishoo'..., no....'Atishoo'... yes! AAHH...!! TISSSH oooo...!! Oh, bless me!"

I hardly had time to blink before she started up yet again. "Oh... I'm gonna..... 'Atishoo', agai-...aah. AAAHH! AAAAH!! TISH...EWWW!! Bless me!"

With each sneeze, she pressed her bum into my groin. And incredibly enough, she hadn't finished yet. Again, she said, " 'Atishoo, bless me'.... AAHH ....AHHH ...TICHT TISHOOOO!!! Bless me!!"

By this time my erection had returned full-force and was pressing against her bum. This is one very real advantage of having a fetish like this. Under such circumstances, it can look flatteringly impressive. And the older I get, the more impressive it becomes. It gives me the libido of a teenager.

She turned her head to face me. "You can't be ready for me yet - it's just not possible!" she exclaimed, "I thought you were old!"

(Get lost, cheeky sod!)

"Listen," I replied "a woman with a figure like yours could straighten a banana at fifty paces."

With that, I undid the button on her jeans and pulled down her zip. She turned round to me and took off her panties. She smiled, pleased, as I slid into her. She was well lubricated, presumably from either her sneezing or the action between Win and myself beforehand, and I had a great deal more confidence that I could bring us both off together. Having sex standing up has magic all of its own. I know Win and I had both come together, but this happened due to external influences. This time, I felt more in control. If it had happened once, could it not be made to happen again?

False optimism, as it turned out, because right in the middle of our frantic lovemaking, I heard from upstairs a most tremendous "CHOOOO!!!" followed by an even louder "HAH-NEEEUU!!!"

I'm afraid I exploded again at the sound of this, but then, so did Rebecca. I had her pinned to the wall and she groaned and dug her nails into my shoulder blades as she was rocked by her orgasm. I was certain that the sound of Win's sneezes from upstairs was the catalyst for Rebecca coming as well as me.

I then heard Win coming back towards us, and what a spectacle greeted her. Both Rebecca and I stood completely naked from the waist down. She walked up to us and put her arms around us and said,

"Oooh, I've been away too long!"

And that's when it happened. An unexpected turn of events which left us all momentarily speechless. There we were, Rebecca and I basking in post-coital afterglow and Win eager to get into some more mischief, when the house suddenly shook. It was rocked by an awful, ominous grinding, grating sound as all of us reflexively brought our arms up to protect our heads. I'm not too good at describing things. Try to imagine the "Millennium Eye" breaking loose from its moorings and rolling over the Houses of Parliament. Then you'll get some idea of the noise we heard.

Immediately after that, the security lighting came on. Both girls held onto each other, frightened, like women do in old black and white picture films.

"There must be someone outside!" whispered Win. Then, to me, she said "go and see what it is!"

"Oh, goody!" I thought, as I tentatively opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was that it had stopped snowing. The next thing I noticed was that, bathed in the light of the security lamp against a backdrop of pure, virgin white snow, there was a beautiful little red vixen.

"Hello, baby," I whispered to it, making a clucking noise with my tongue to catch her attention.

I don't think I expected her to come trotting up to me with her tail up begging to be stroked but neither did I expect her to glower at me with such frightening intensity. And here I'd been, thinking only women scorned could affix human males with looks of such utter hatred and contempt!

"Well, if you don't like me, why don't you run away?" I stammered, quite intimidated.

She didn't deign to answer despite my obviously cowed countenance. It was then that I noticed that her attention was drawn to something above me.

So, I turned my head up to see what she was looking at, and...


The grinding noise we'd heard was about half a ton of snow sliding from the apex of the roof, only to be caught at the edge by the guttering until the right time arrived for it to fall on me! Up to my armpits it was, and I head a white dunces cap of snow on my head. I also had a face like a well-smacked bum. I don't know how it was possible, and I'm sure I didn't imagine it, but that little red vixen was now positively grinning at me.

At this point, Rebecca and Win swung open the door to see what the noise was. The vixen gave a distinct smirk and ran off before either of them could see her.

Now I'm not going to say anything sexist about the female sense of humour.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!