The Evening Speaks
Something's always wrong, but not tonight. With a long weekend ahead of us, we jumped on the chance for some quiet time together. Or perhaps it is true that something's always wrong, but so far I don't know what it could be. The evening has been perfect; we went for a fun dinner, had a laugh together, caught up with each other's lives. We are young, we sparkle, we are in love.
I look at Joanna now and think how lucky I am to have been going out with this woman for nearly half a year. The South American blood in her veins is responsible for her tanned skin, flowing black locks and intense amber eyes. The grace with which she moves her long limbs, however, is all her own. There is something of the jungle cat in her; it's in the way she moves; slowly, lazy, sexy. She tosses her head and throws a sly, predatory smile my way, a tigress biding her time before she pounces. I know she will given time; it feels that way.
I am still looking at her in wonder, about to speak, when all of a sudden, she closes her eyes and brings a hand to her mouth. Before I have time to breathe, the world comes to a standstill. Three small explosions takes place: Joanna sneezes quickly, quietly, an embarrassed cat's sneeze: "hhh-cssh! huh-chss! heh-cshoo!". She always sneezes in threes. Starlight is reflected on the gold hoops in her ears as her head bends down with each sneeze and this last detail for some reason sets me off. I want her so much at that moment I can actually feel an ache in my loins.
Nothing's so cold as closing the heart when all we need is to free the soul. I want to tell her about this fetish I have, but I couldn't be that brave I know. The air outside is so soft, the moment so intense, I feel like confessing everything. All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel this safe. I am aching to tell her about it, about what it does to me, about what she does to me when she sneezes.
I am such a coward. I reach out and point at the stars.
"They're beautiful, aren't they" I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling with the intensity of the wanting I feel for her.
All I want is to feel this way. The evening speaks, I feel it say....
"They are," she whispers back, sniffling discreetly.
I know she's embarrassed about her allergies; she says they make her sneeze in embarrassing situations. I know this, in her mind, qualifies as just such a situation. The truth is not kind; Joanna doesn't like to sneeze. I wonder if she would change her mind if I told her how I feel.
We lose ourselves in the stars and our separate thoughts, the wine having a curious effect of combined exhilaration and languour on both of us. I reach out and takes her hand. She takes it and holds it to her chest. I can feel her soft breast through her thin cotton shirt, soft and warm. I place my fingers so they are on one beautiful mocha nipple and stare upwards as I feel it harden under my touch.
She sneezes again, quickly, discreetly: "huh-cshh! hhh-cshh! hhh-cshoo!". Her chest ripples under my fingers and it makes goosebumps appear on my forearms. I am so aroused I can barely stop my hands from shaking.
Oh, but the air outside... I am drunk on wine and on the splendour of the evening. Joanna is so soft, so desirable; I feel like saying everything. All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel this safe. I think back to the time when I first realized I'd fallen in love with her; we'd been in a club, dancing. She had sneezed, thrice, and then smiled at me in that naughty way of hers. I'd realized, all at once, that I had to have her. I probably wouldn't have been so daring if I hadn't had all those Tia Maria & cokes, but I just leaned over and kissed her full on the lips. I think she knew that I'd been thinking "that way" about her for some time. She just put her arms around me and kissed me back, running her brown hand through my long blond hair.
Wine mingling with my hot blood, the evening speaks. I feel it telling me to say everything. I've been trying to get my nerve up and do it for weeks now. Instinctively, I've decided tonight is the night. It won't matter now; whatever happens will be. I feel like a diver poised on a board a hundred metres above the surface of a pool of water. Though the air speaks of all we might never be as a result of this admission, it won't trouble me. I take the plunge.
"Joanna," I begin, and my voice catches. I swallow dryly.
"What is it love?" she asks, her voice low, her eyes wide as she turns her head to look at me. "Why are you so red?"
I suddenly smile wryly; my pale blond's skin has always betrayed me by turning red at the slightest hint of embarrassement. I know Joanna thinks this is cute.
"I have to tell you something, but I'm sort of shy," I begin anew. I feel like I am coming out all over again, for some reason. Then, I realize how silly I am being; there is nothing wrong or revolting in what I am about to say. I see Joanna raising her well defined eyebrows at me and I want her more than ever.
"Well?" she says, and draws my hand over her breast again, smiling.
The dam breaks.
"I love the way you sneeze. It's very sexy. It just really, totally turns me on." I pause and, unable to sustain her stare, my eyes dance back up to stars who, for the first time that evening, seem cold.
What was I thinking earlier, about how something's always wrong? Her smile fades and I can feel her hold on my hand relax. I can feel time slowing around me and my stomach sinking. I feel regret rushing over me in a black wave and I want to take it all back. I don't want to feel this way, alone, a million miles away though we are touching. My eyes dart back to hers and she is looking at me pensively. I begin to regret having downed so much wine; what was I thinking?
As I look at her, I suddenly feel the urge to laugh. I'm often rash and say things I regret later. This won't be the first time, of course, and thinking about this, I break out in a smile despite the chill I am suddenly feeling. This is, it turns out, the right thing to do. Joanna smiles back, white teeth catching the light of the moon. It seems we meet again in this silence and time resumes it's normal course.
"You do?" asked Joanna, her voice sounding uncharacteristically young and innocent. She asks this like I have just made some unfathomable and amazing revelation.
Perhaps I have.
"I do," I whisper, still smiling. I guess this wasn't a mistake after all.
"That is so sweet," she laughs, almost a purr. I've always found her laugh to be a sexy part of her. It's funny how I felt no qualms about telling her that at all.
"You really like the way I sneeze? That's a good thing, actually, since I really need to..."
Joanna trails off, her eyes getting that blank look they always do just before she sneezes. I love it. She raises her hand to cover her mouth as always, a tigress with good manners. I catch her hand and hold it while the sneezes take hold of her. One, two, three, they come. All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel her sneeze. She does, and I can feel the spray lightly on my chest: "hhh... huh-cssh! huh-cssh! heh-chssh". It feels incredible.
Before Joanna has time to feel embarrassed, I pull her close and kiss her. Joanna laughs, sniffs, and then that kiss turns into another one which turns into a longer one still. I'm not sure where that one would have led if Joanna had not urgently whispered that she needed to sneeze again.
"Actually, it's good that you find this sexy. You wouldn't believe how hard I'm always trying not to sneeze in front of you," She laughs again until the tickle is strong enough to make her stop.
All I want is to be hold her close, to feel her sneeze. She can tell this by the way I am hungrily staring at her and takes hold of my arms. I let her take me in and hold me so that we are lying pressed together; we are so close that I can hear her breathing becoming shallow. Her body stiffens against mine as she sneezes again: "heh-cssh!... hhh-cshhh!... *sniff* heh... huh-cshh!"
With one sneeze, I can feel fine mist settling on my bare shoulder. My eyes are closed as I enjoy my girlfriend's sneezes to the fullest, each one more exciting than the last. I feel completely alive and aroused, the experience putting fire in my blood. I hug her tighly under the stars and kiss her deeply again.
All I want is to feel this way; it is a magical evening, full of surprises and revelations. As I kiss her, thoughts of how wonderful it is that she took my avowal so well rocket through my mind. I wonder what we will do with this new, shared secret. The possibilities are endless.
The evening speaks, I feel it say...