Back to Female Stories

***

Please note: While based on an actual sneezing episode, this is a work of FICTION and it intentionally characterises an individual I created who is NOT myself. I deliberately intended his lack of sensitivity to women and "Politikal Correctedness" as a tool for characterisation.

***

I always thought Trisha was a sneezy name.

Rarely have I met a Trish whose nose didn't require constant attention in one form or another from her hands; rubbing, blowing, pinching, fanning. And the Trish I am thinking about now was no exception. She fit the form...attractive, voluptuous, looking warm like you wanted to cuddle up to her, and with nostrils like perfect pink circles carved out of her nose. She looked a lot like Reese Witherspoon, as I recall, and she had what I would describe as an almost disgusting sneeziness about her because it was overwhelming in pride, if you can understand that. Stupid too. She was a dumb, hot piece-of-ass sneezing machine.

Trish's stupidity was the basis for all her sneezy beauty, as she imitated every cliché, falling for and adapting every single sneeze-custom.

She would announce her sneezes: "I'm going to sneeze!"

She would qualify them: "It's going to be a big one!"

She would wonder aloud what was making her sneeze: "There must be a lot of pollen in here!"

When she'd performed one of her big, splashy, intrusive sneezes, she would loudly bless herself...

And there was the way she had of waving her hand in front of her face to bring on a stubborn sneeze, or even holding the tip of her nose up with her finger to do the same. When she blew her nose, she would stick her fingers inside her nose with the tissue.

I watched her intently and noticed these things...how couldn't I? We sat next to each other in high school, a social studies class. She was pretty, blonde, popular, not infrequently loud, conceited and rich. There were lots of people who wanted to be her friend, including the teachers, in their own sort of way. No one wanted to be her enemy. She was the type who commanded attention and a fearful kind of respect and admiration from the other girls at school- your typical High School scenario, and Trish, in her dumb-blonde style, was at the head of it all.

Anyway, I'm telling you about this Trish (Even the name sounds like a sneeze--'ahh-trishhhh') because something happened one bright, late afternoon, summer day in class that I'll never forget...

She sneezed.

It was loud and wet, and sounded a lot like "hep- (pause) -puh-isshhhhew!"

I immediately turned to my right and looked at her with the sound of the sneeze still echoing through my mind, and my heart starting to beat fast.

I watched her cock her head back and looked right at her pre-sneezing face as she fell forward into another sprayed-out uncovered sneeze, directly forward and toward the back of the head of a girl who seated in front of her.

This girl- hearing, and perhaps feeling, the sneeze- turned her head around and said, "Bless you."

Other 'Bless You's' echoed as she pushed out another big sneeze...a sneeze with a loud 'Ahh' and an exaggerated and expressive "ewww" sound.

Purely indulgent and unashamed. It was sick- and I got a massive hard-on.

But the sneezing didn't stop...

She sat there like a cow. Just sneezing. The thing was, she lacked the instinct to cover or stifle her sneezes, like most people do, but she went even further. She indulged herself, it seemed to me. Each thick "ewww" which finished every immense, wet sneeze was an unashamed expression of herself. And she didn't care. It was HER sneeze, and she was going to present it.

I wonder now what the other people in the class thought of this display at the time, but to me it was beauty, and to herself it was her right...

But to our teacher it was a distraction.

Our teacher herself was a little sneezy. By this, I mean she would sometimes sneeze in front of us while lecturing, but would first announce her sneeze, and stand prone and silent while we all watched her do it. She liked to sneeze in front of other people. I can't remember her name....Ms. something or other. Who cares, though? She was young, blond, and was quite a bitch herself, actually. I hated her. She was cruel to the students at times, embarrassing them for not knowing an answer to some question she would pose, for instance. But she was sneezy, with little bursts of cute squeal-sneezes that would stop her monologue so we could all take a good look at her.

But Trish's sneezes were just too much for Ms. Bitch this time...a threat, maybe. At the very least, Trish's sneezing fit was justifiably a distraction from her lecture. I mean, here was a very pretty young girl, exploding a thick and wet sneeze like clockwork every minute and a half or so. And that was the thing... She would come out with a big sneeze and then we all left wondering, while she huffed and rubbed and sat there with her mouth open (I could see the gum she was chewing) if there would be another to follow. This show of hers was taking up the attention of the whole class, and so finally the teacher had to take control. I'd like to think she was jealous, and maybe she was.

Anyway, she decided to end this sneezing show after about eleven of them (actually, it was eleven, because I was counting) when she asked the class rather pointedly, "Does anyone have a tissue?"

A girl seated right behind Trish did and she proudly gave her one. Now, I love this memory because my sneezy little teacher obviously had it in mind, being a sneezy girl herself, that if Trish were to blow her nose, the sneezes would end. And Trish did blow her nose well, and I too expected it to be over.

But sure enough, a full minute later, Trish came at us again with even a fuller, more expulsive sneeze that ended with a long "chewwwwww" emphasis.

It was gorgeous. The 'blow your nose and you stop sneezing' theory didn't work, and I got the feeling that this was somehow really just Trish's will winning out over that of the teacher's. Hell, I could see the bitch teacher was surprised, and now she was at a loss.

I know none of this 'battle of the ego's through sneezing' probably doesn't make much sense, but the fact was that I was seated next to this hot young thing, who had captured the whole classes attention from her hugely demanding sneeze and foiled our bitch of a jealous teacher's plan to regain control, and who knew why it was happening.

I mean, she blew her nose! Everyone knows that when a girl blows her nose during a sneezing fit, she stops sneezing! No one expected her to sneeze again. Somehow the blowing is like a big sneeze, and it shoots the tickle out of the nose and into the tissue.

In any case, I had a front row seat. The best seat in the house, you might say! So the sneezes continued two more times as I unabashedly watched.

I had turned my head at a complete 90-degree angle and stared as she hitched her breath and flared her nostrils until they became hugely round. I could see a small stream of clear liquid that had run down from her near (left) nostril right up to where it met her lip. She dabbed at her upper lip and nose with the tissue and sniffed back really strongly- I noticed, from the sound of her sniff, that her nose was clear now.

And again she sneezed.

This time, Trish craned her head so far back in preparation that she was almost facing the ceiling as she waited for her new sneeze to come. I saw her moist nostrils flare and open as she waited, and most remarkably, I noted that her eyes had become watery and a tear was running down her left (visible to me) cheek. And then she sneezed for the fifteenth time.

Then, all of a sudden, she looked over at me. Right at me. I had been watching her, staring, actually, all this time (of course). Her eyes and nose looked red and wet.

"Why are you staring at me?" she suddenly asked.

I was shocked. The entire class heard her say it. An unbelievably intense wave of humiliation ran through me. Everybody turned to look at me and now I turned red. I didn't know what to do... I froze. I looked at her. Her nose was fat and red, nostrils flared, and a now perpetual pre-sneeze look was plastered on her face while she stared back at me.

Finally I said something dumb, like "Huh?... I wasn't staring at you."

But this was the perfect opportunity for the teacher to strike. She saw me 'talking' and I know she hated me anyway and so as a punishment for "disturbing her class" by 'talking' she told me to grab all my things, along with my chair, and come sit next to her in front of the class... my back to the chalkboard. Everybody stared. I sat there, frozen.

After a few minutes Trisha sneezed again, only this time it came out with a really high-pitched squeak that was surely unintentional, because it sounded sort of funny (but sexy to me). It made the whole class laugh and brought out the strongest and most sympathetic round of "Bless Yous" yet, but I could only try to force a laugh, given my circumstance, and felt even more alone and humiliated as I knew everyone was watching me. Even so, the sneeze was so beautiful, it struck me hard.

I think back and even now, and as humiliating as it all was, it still gets me off. Also, it has spawned in me such horrible, tickly, sneezy humiliation revenge fantasies for Trish as well as for our teacher, that I sometimes scare myself a bit, even though I'm actually glad it all actually happened- about twelve years ago, but I still think about it just about every other day.