In the Dead of Night


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In the dead of night, I walk these lonely streets. It's approximately zero degrees; the dry air chills my lips, ears, cheeks. There's no sound but the steps of my own feet and the distant crashing of waves on the beach.

Everyone but me is asleep, dreaming of places out of reach, lessons no one can teach, appointments they cannot fail to keep.

I cross the road, heading for the hill that overlooks the sea. There's a little mist; the orange light of street lamps shows it clearly. You don't get much frost down here on the coast, but the ground beneath is hard and dry. I try to step lightly, don't want to wake anyone or let them know I'm passing by.

I'm a thief in the shadows, a ripple on the water, an angel watching you from afar. 

I don't know exactly why I'm here. I don't know who you are. I'm looking for you as I've looked for so long now. I'm listening out for any sound that you might make, some clue to lead me to you, any kind of lead that I could follow.

Don't be afraid. I wouldn't hurt you. I couldn't bear to.

There's only one thing that I want, one thing that turns me on. There's only one thing that I need to make me feel alive like you. I'll give you anything I can, do anything, be anyone. Tie you up, lay you down, kiss you from head to toe. Bite you, tickle you, touch you in places that don't show. I have skilful fingers, a long tongue, a good heart. The giving of pleasure is a talent, a science, an art. I have whatever you want and I'm begging you to let me please you. I'm down on bended knees, but you don't have to like me; I'd be anything you choose if you would only sneeze. Sexily, beautifully, happily, repeatedly, sneeze for me.

And I hear a sound upon the breeze. A tiny sniff, half-concealed, a little cough; you are revealed.

I reach the top of the hill, the viewpoint that overlooks the sea. It's after midnight now, the witching hour, the time of magic and dreams. I see you sitting nearby, a huddled form in a dark raincoat, another lonely soul, waiting, waiting for this moment.

You stand.

I do not see your face.

You have a tissue in your hand. You turn and slowly walk away. After a few steps you pause, waiting, waiting for me to follow, as I do, of course.

You lead me quietly through the darkness and the winter cold. Across to the other side of town, along narrow streets, anxious heartbeats, past empty shops and memories once proud, now tired and old. Knowingly undersold. Is this your home or just a place you call your own? It doesn't matter; these are only temporary things of iron, wood and stone. What we seek is heat, life, passion in our blood, flesh and bone.

We reach our destination. A doorway, you open it, light and warmth is within. You enter and hold the door to let me in. There's a smell of incense in the room, lingering. You take a deep breath, taking the scent up through your perfect nose. I close the door behind me, watch as you take off your coat. You turn to look at me and suggest that we remove our clothes.

I should be nervous, you should too; this kind of thing is dangerous and taboo. I could be anyone, but so could you.

Can we promise to be nice, to share this moment, no demands, no ties, no sacrifice?

Of course we can, we are agreed, there's only one thing that we need. We've both been waiting for this, let's enjoy it, we deserve it, honey, let's just do it!

You cross the room and take a small container from a little case. You open it up, sniff the contents, put it back in place. My heart begins to race. You raise your hand and hold it to your face...


Your lips slightly parted, your eyes half-closed, that little wrinkle above your nose...


You lie back on the couch, you smile, breathe deeply, sniffle for a while...

"HA-ISH" (sniff) "HA-CHOO" (sniff) "E-HISHOO, ESCHOO, HA-TSCHOOO."

And you hold out your hand, draw me closer, guide me to you. In between each sneeze you start to moan, the pleasure grows in the soles of your feet, your stomach, chest, groin and nose...

And you pass me the special feather you've been hiding here, maybe forever. It's coated in some kind of dust, you lie back, one hand is in my hair, the other touches my lust, oh my god, right there...

I caress you, I undress you, I bless you.

And gently, gently, push that magic feather up inside you, tickles, tickles, you can feel the impulse growing, body tingles, skin is glowing, body trembles, you are going, going, going to...


Sneeze. Ecstatic, fantastic, mystic, orgasmic... again and again and again.

It's going to be a great night.