Getting Ready

You laugh at yourself sometimes for being such a creature of habit. You wake up, careful not to disturb your wife who only get up an hour later since your work schedules are so different. You head to the bathroom, do your business, brush your teeth and take a five minute shower. You get dressed, comb your hair, make sure everything is where it should be. You pass through the kitchen, grab some toast and head for the computer.

This is your favourite morning ritual: checking emails before you go to work. It's like an addiction which keeps you coming back again and again, every morning around this time. Junk mail, boring news and sometimes, like a small present from a faceless stranger, you get a pleasant surprise.

Oh, look at that. You've got a mail from her waiting for you. Smiling wide and wondering what it will contain this time, you click on the link and open the message. Hmmm...its another wav file from her, your favourite e-friend. The first one she sent about a week ago was pretty good, so you feel compelled to take the time to check it out before work. Lets see. Your hold on the mouse tightens with the excitement you are feeling.

Click, virus check (you can never be too careful), unzip, play. Her voice fills the earphones you have cautiously slipped on to avoid rousing suspicion, low, congested, unbelievably sexy. You picture her as she must have been whilst making the wav and you see her, hunched over her mic, feeling silly yet enjoying the whole thing, thoughts of you filling her mind. Or so you hope.

Whoa, this one is a little different from the last ones she sent. Her voice is more whispery; it is huskier, sexier. She's describing exactly how the "tissue method" is affecting her, sending anticipatory shivers down your spine, making your slowly rising erection gain momentum.You hear a shuddery breath and then it comes: "Ahhhchoo-ah...achoooo-ah...".

"Now that is a cute sneeze", you think - and it really is. Explosive yet feminine, loud but not obnoxiously so. You wonder if she sneezes like this in public or if she is just making a show of it for your benefit. You feel a tingling warmth in your sex and can't help thinking how great this is that she... Your train of thought suddenly grinds to a halt. What was that? That little "ohhhh" just before the sneeze. It came and went so fast that you wonder if you heard it in the first place. It's the same kind of sound your partner would make in the midst of foreplay; it is a soft sigh, halfway between a breath and a moan, unbelievably sexual and incredibly arousing. It only takes that one sound to turn your erection into a hard-on of almost painful intensity.

You check the clock, remembering you have to be getting to work soon. You think that maybe there's time to play it through just once more. Ok, maybe twice. You know you really shouldn't, but you can't quite help yourself. Did she really moan like that? You press the play button again, listening intently.

There it is again, that sexy, soft "ohhhh". You cant explain it, but it sends something akin to an electric shock into your loins. You're not sure whether it's those moans or the sneezes that get you going more; they are both delicious, complimentary and intertwined, erotic music to your ears.

You know you shouldn't, but all of a sudden it's just too much. You tell yourself: "just one more time". You fumble with your music program until you find that auto-repeat button which has become your favourite feature since you discovered these wav's.

Mmmmmmm....theres that "ohhh" again, at sixteen and thirty seconds, each time followed by that cute little sneeze, and you laugh as you find that this file isn't the only thing youve unzipped this morning. The wav goes on and on like Kerouac's Mexacali Blues, all one hudred fifteen verses worth. You feel your rigid member, eager and sensitive, practically spring into your rough calloused palm as the wav gets to that sixteen second mark. You find yourself almost reeling at how sexy that sound is, followed as it is by a quick gasp and then "achooo-ah". Gasp - sneeze - gasp; it makes goose bumps appear on your forearms as you feel a pleased grin slide across your face.

You pick up the pace at thirty seconds as you hear that halting inhalation, the erotic little "ohhhh" and here she pauses like the sneeze maybe passed. You know things will get better though; a couple of seconds later, she does it again. You can see her in your mind's eye, her head snapping forward, long hair (you guess) streaming, as the sneeze returns full force: "achooo-ah..."

Is the room always this hot? You fleetingly think that perhaps opening a window might have been a good idea, but you don't want to do so now. In the state you're in, getting up would be too much trouble. Besided, you've got more important matters to attend to.

Uh-huh... that's it...a little faster now. For some strange reason, this isn't like just hearing someone sneeeze on the street is it? It has a certain tinge of difference to it that you can't quite put your finger on. Is it because it's being done solely for (your) pleasure, or perhaps of the obvious enjoyement (you hope) of the artist? Looking at it from a darker perspective, you wonder if you don't also get off on the fact that the woman sneezing is invading her own body with a foreign object to produce an involuntary, explosive reaction. How Freudian is that? You almost laugh at this reflexion on the nature of auto nasal rape. Ordinarily, you would, but right now there are more pressing needs to attend to.

You increase the speed of your right hand's motion. Whatever the explanation, it has touched a nerve within you. You know your face is flushed and your breathing is now coming fast, heavy and irregular. One more time through the wav and youre going to be somewhat less frustrated ...for about twenty minutes anyhow. You feel your pleasure building as your member spasms in your hand, hungry and demanding. You're only too happy to accomodate it and speed up even more.

Ahhhh.... There you go... Release, finally. It feels like this has gone on forever, though you know it has only been a few minutes in reality. You groan, expell some of your built up tension, as your grip tightens and you arch your hips rising as you reach your climax. At the last minute, you remember not to arch back in your chair too hard or you'll tip it over. You have to smile at the things that pop through your head at moments like these; sometimes you tell your wife after sex and have a laugh about it together. You debate whether to tell her about this incident, but decide that you won't. You never know; she might ask for an explanation as to why you were having these kinds of thought in front of your computer at this hour of the morning in the first place!

You feel better now. You clean up, as much yourself as the chair arm you have inadvertently splashed onto, and hurry out of the house. You thank the Lord for small favours; solitary pleasure can be just as short or long as you want it to be. Which is wonderful at times like these, because you'd never be able to explain being late this morning, or at least not with a straight face.

Rushing down the driveway to hop in your car, you decide on the spur of the moment to stop at the enormous lilac bush on the side of your front lawn. You reach up and snap off a few branches of blossoms for the secretary; you're sure she'd appreciate such a small kindness, what with her allergies acting up the way they have been lately. You smile wryly as you think perhaps, who knows, if she's too busy to thank you right then and there, she might just flash you a smile and "wav".