The Revelation

Night Owl

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Jack and Jill were making out. Seriously making out. It was their third date, and they were camped out on the couch in Jill's living room. Jack's arms were wrapped around Jill, and she had her hands tangled up in his hair. They were kissing hard, breathing heavily, and both extremely aroused.

Jack's hand slowly slid to Jill's breast, and she moaned in return and arched her back. He felt her nipple through the soft sweater she was wearing and knew there was only so much more he could take. He slowly disentangled himself from her and looked into her piercing blue eyes.

"Look, do you think we should take this somewhere else?" He smiled mischievously. "I mean, I'm having trouble getting comfortable."

Jill smiled sweetly, and then opened her mouth. Jack was expecting her to say something along the lines of "Oh, God, take me now, you big, strong man!" but instead she held a finger in the air, narrowed her eyes, took a deep breath and sneezed wetly. "Uh-eschhhh-SHEWW!"

"Bless you," Jack smiled.

He felt nuts being this wrapped up in her, since they had only been on three dates, but he had known her for much longer. She was a waitress at The Hill, a sports bar he and his buddies frequented, and he had always admired her long, jet-black hair, ice-blue eyes, and figure that defied definition. But at first he had been with Kathy, his fiancée; then, after the break-up, he had been too depressed and filled with self-doubt to do much more than drink himself silly and stare blearily at her chest. Then, once he was feeling more like himself (and damned tired of waking up hung-over), he had been afraid to ask out a cocktail waitress. Let's face it, he had thought, drunks hit on them hourly. He remembered his blurry gazes at her cleavage and knew he would get rejected in a heartbeat. But fate found him running into her in a 7-11 after a night spent at the movies (alone), and, feeling almost majestically sorry for himself, he took the plunge, vowing that he would never return to The Hill again should she say no.

She had even looked amazing then, wearing glasses, no make-up, and baggy gray sweats, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had smiled and agreed over an armful of Evian, allergy medicine, and a Sun-Times. Their first two dates had been solid, fun, and exciting, the first kiss having come on her porch two nights ago. It had been soft and sweet, the soft summer night filled with the sound of cicadas, until she had abruptly pulled away. While he looked on, confused, she had squeezed her eyes shut and taken a deep breath, the inhalation forcing her breasts into his abdomen. He felt the air shoot out of her as she had sneezed explosively, turning her head to the right. Her arms had been wrapped tightly around his waist, so her sneeze was not blocked as it rang into the night: "Eh-ssssccchhh-WHEW!" She had laughed then, saying, "I am so sorry! I haven't been kissed like that in a very long time!"

"And it made you sneeze?" he had asked, with a puzzled grin.

She had been flustered for a long moment until she laughed unconvincingly and said, "I guess so." The next kiss had been without incident, although, standing on her porch after she had gone inside and enjoying the memory of the contact, he had heard three loud sneezes, muffled behind her door. "Ehshhhhh-OOO! At-katchoo! Esch-WHEW!"

Now, she sat with one finger under her nose and a smile on her face. The finger seemed held there in thought, but he could see some white on the skin around it; she was actually pressing it hard. He was wondering if she was allergic to his cologne when she said, "Yes. Yes, you're right. This is going to the bedroom." Laughing, she grabbed his hand and led him in, flipping the light on, flopping on the bed, and then, as quick as a cat, muffling a sneeze into the crook of her arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked, standing by the bed and frowning. "I think I'm making you sneeze."

She sat there for a second before leaning forward seductively and pulling him down with her. "In a way, you are. But not from allergies. Just kiss me."

Having her on the bed made him forget any concerns, and he obliged, rolling her shirt over her head and removing his own as well. The shedding followed, pants and underwear hitting the floor, until they were naked together under the sheets. His index finger had slipped into her, and he was licking a nipple when she all but shouted out:

"Eh-eh-eh--escchhhh-WHEW!" Her private parts clenched his finger and he emerged from under the blanket, matching her watery gaze with his.

"Are you sick? I mean, I want this more than you know, but if my cologne is bothering you or you have a cold, we can postpone this until-"

"Honeymoon rhinitis."

"I'm sorry?"

She sighed. "I have honeymoon rhinitis."

He sat there, his erection dwindling as he thought about it. Rhinitis meant nose, right? But the honeymoon nose? No, that just sounded wrong, and a little too kinky as well. "Alright," he said, "I'll bite. What is honeymoon rhinitis?"

"A pain in the ass," she laughed, pulling the cover up over an exposed breast. "No, it's a... condition."

He had watched her cover her breast warily, fearing that it meant playtime was over.

"What does it entail? I mean, I've got condoms."

"No, no, no," she laughed again, and the breast slipped free again. This time she left it out, the dark brown nipple staring at the ceiling. "It causes sneezing. If I'm aroused, I sneeze. If I have an, um, an orgasm, y'know, I'll shatter your eardrums. But the worst part is..."


She blushed. "Sneezing gets me excited. You know, aroused."

"Colds must be hell for you."

"That would be bad enough, but I have monster allergies as well. There's nothing worse than sneezing in public, right?"

"I guess it can be embarrassing. I'm a stifler, myself. Only in public, when I'm out and I sneeze, I hold it in. At home, I just let 'em rip." He was annoyed at the interruption, but fascinated by the topic.

His erection was returning, thinking of all the time he'd spent "on The Hill", as he and his friends put it. Listening to her, he was struggling to remember if he'd ever seen her sneeze, getting excited at the thought of her dark bush growing wet under her short cocktail waitress's skirt. Then his mind flashed to all the sneezes she had released during kissing sessions. The way those icy eyes had gone to slits, her nostrils flaring out, her mouth dropping partially open, air rushing in and out as the sneezes built in that adorable nose. And then the sneezes themselves, huge wet "Schhhhhh" sounds, followed by a "CHOO!" exclamation. From Jill, he thought, even a simple sneeze is pretty damn sexy.

"Well, imagine if that same sneeze also made you horny! It's horrible! All those cigars at the bar...they tickle my nose, which makes it worse. Sometimes I sneeze so damn much that..."


She smiled, that sweet face parted by the grin. "Not yet. Later, after I know you better. But right now, I think all this talk has kinda dried me up. Would you like to get me going again?"

"Just a sec."

He jumped up, her confused gaze watching him as he dashed naked out of the room, bent at the waist from his excitement. He dashed to the darkened kitchen, bare feet slapping across the linoleum. He thought about turning on the light, but his condition made it better to stay in the dark, and he found what he was looking for on the stove anyway.

When Jack returned, Jill rolled her eyes to see what he held. The pepper shaker, white with a large black "P" emblazoned on it, was clutched tightly in his right hand. She smiled, knowing already what was coming. He slipped under the covers and placed his fingers on her vaginal lips, rubbing lightly while holding the pepper to her face and grinning.

"And what am I supposed to do here?" she asked.

"Show me. I want to see this. And, uh, feel it, too."

Although Jill would never tell Jack this now, he was not her first lover to enter the bedroom with a peppershaker. One fellow, now long gone, would subtly blow sneezing powder in her direction at parties, trying to get her so worked up that they would sneak into the host's bedroom and make love with the party around them. She had resisted through all the sneezing, and eventually dumped him for it. Another lover had gone to her dresser, bent under it, and returned with a finger coated with dust, begging her to, in his romantic and irresistible phrase, "Sniff this." The sneezing she could have handled. The implication that her house was dirty... well, that guy wound up hitting the bricks about seven minutes later.

So she leaned forward and sniffed lightly, knowing full well how much would trigger a sneeze or two and how much would send her into a debilitating fit of choos. Her head jerked back, eyes misting and closing, nose blazing, her mouth half open.

"God damn, it ti...ittaahh..." she sucked in a deep breath and struggled to choke out the word "tickles" before two sneezes erupted heavily. "Eh...ha...EHscitahOOO! Hah-Ehh-Essssh-ooooo!" She knew what he was feeling; her nipples were tightening as they always did after a good sneeze, and her pussy was spreading with moisture as a third sneeze beckoned. Jack beckoned as well, unaware of the struggle in her nostrils, and she held him back lightly with one hand, the other waving under her flaring nostrils like a fan. He felt her open with excitement, his fingers suddenly slipping around in the wetness.

"Just... hold aaaaahh... hold on, I haaahhh... I have another snaaa... won't come out..."

She tilted her head toward the bedside lamp, forcing her eyes to look at the light as the tickle grew unbearable. It was lodged in her right nostril, harshly burning. She could imagine the tiny grain of pepper up there, twisting in her nostril, and the tickle grew to bursting point. She wrinkled her nose, dropped her mouth wide open, and clamped her eyes shut as she sucked in a lungful of air and "AHHHHH--ESSSSSSSCH-EEEEWWWWW!!"ed a spraying sneeze into the air.

Jack had been driven mad by the display, and he rolled her back towards him, kissing her hard and feeling that her nose and mouth were still wet from the sneezes. He slid into and lost himself in the wonder, rolling and thrusting in a way he'd never imagined before. She responded in kind, moaning and twisting and rubbing her hands up and down his back between sniffles and sneezes. She was polite about it, turning her head to the right or aiming them over his shoulder. Still, he felt fine mist, expelled from her tortured nose, settle on his back and rear every now and again.

Jill's eyes were swollen and itchy from the force inside her, pounding away. She snuffled wetly after each sneeze, trying to control the flow from her nose. Jack watched her face as she built up, each sneeze slowly coming to the surface, and he realized that it, in many ways, resembled a face overcome by orgasmic sensation. Her eyes became cloudy, a faraway look deliberately passing over them. Her nose would wrinkle up, the nostrils flaring with each intake of breath. Her mouth would drop open, a tormented, helpless expression on her face, and her breathing became loud, speeding up as the sneeze came closer. Finally, she would take sudden "Hup-" and follow it up with one of those wet "Hessssccchhhh-ooooo!"'s that satisfied her nose and her crotch in unison.

After twenty minutes, he felt himself, now on the bottom, lose control as she rode him madly. He gasped a warning then exploded inside her, erupting with a force previously unknown in even his most private and filthy masturbatory fantasies. Jill had sped up, and now she slowly wound down, riding him gently until his limp member slipped out of her. Even then, she continued to move her hips for a moment, dragging her lips over his cock, before she collapsed on the bed next to him.

In the silence afterward, broken only by their gasping breaths, Jack remembered something she'd said about orgasms. She'd promised to break his eardrums, and he had not heard a thing at the end; she had not sneezed when he had come.

"You didn't..."

"No," she replied, "but don't worry. My first time with a lover, I usually don't. That's the catch with honeymoon rhinitis; you'll know for sure if I come or not."

"So tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"What you said you'd tell me when we knew each other better. I think this is a good time."

"All right," she smiled. "But it's pretty embarrassing..."