The Conversation

Night Owl

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"Okay, let me get this right," Jack said with a smile. "You get turned on from sneezing."

"Right," Jill said.

"And you sneeze from having an orgasm."

"Right again." She shifted the covers around her. "It's called honeymoon rhinitis."

"Okay. And you've admitted all of this to me, we've made love, and yet you don't want to tell me the story behind it?"

She smiled and blushed. "They're embarrassing!"

"I'm sure they are. But, c'mon, I've never heard anything like this before. You can't leave me hanging!" He adjusted the covers around his own nakedness. "So to speak."

"Alright. I found out about this by accident. I mean, how else could I find out? When I was really young, I felt like I needed to pee when I sneezed. And if it was a stuck sneeze, one of those sneezes that won't come out? Well, I was afraid I'd wet my pants, but of course that never happened." She stopped for a second. "Just talking and thinking about this is making me all sneezy. That happens sometimes."

"Do you want the pepper?"

"N-no...gimme a kiss. A good one. This tickle is bad." She scrunched up her nose and snuffled as her eyes began to tear. Jack leaned over her and kissed her hard. He felt her breath go into fits and starts as the sneeze built. Suddenly, she pushed him away. "I'm - ah, jeez, here it...Haaaaaa-HUH-Escccchh-OOO!" she sneezed wetly, doubling over from the force. "Boy, thanks. You're a good kisser."

"Thanks. I've never had this effect on a woman before."

"I'm sure. Anyway, when I was sixteen, my friends kept talking about masturbation, but I had never tried it. It seemed gross to me back then, like something I would never do. Then, one winter, I was home with the worst cold. I kept starting to sneeze, then losing it, then starting again. I would sit in bed for, like, twenty minutes, with my sneeze face on, just waiting and waiting in agony. It was hell. And that's when I realized what I had been feeling...down below, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm somewhat familiar with down below."

"I could tell. So I'm trying to sneeze, and I'm going nuts with desire, so I just started... rubbing myself. And when I came... man, that was the best damn sneeze of my life."

"Wow." Jack put the pillow in his lap. "That's about the single sexiest thing anyone's ever told me."

"Just wait. And keep your lips on stand-by, 'cuz I'm getting all sneezy again. So, for the rest of high school, I was in hell. Everything makes me sneeze: pollen, animals, chalk dust, sunlight, spices, even seeing someone else sneeze...and every sneeze led to me getting all excited. Whether I was in class or cheerleading or at a swimming pool, every sneeze got me hot. Church was the worst. Every time I sat in a pew my nose just tickled like crazy. Holding the sneezes back or stifling them doesn't help any, so I just quit going. And when I started dating, I realized that getting too excited would make me sneeze, which would get me even more excited... it's a vicious cycle. I would have these sneezing fits in class, and there was nothing I could do. All the other kids would laugh, and bless me, and I'm just sitting there, sopping wet, wanting and needing to just make myself come, but unable to. It sounds sexy, I know, but there were times when I just wanted to cry."

"So how did you handle it?"

"Panty liners. A lot of squirming. One time, working at the bar, I hit rock bottom." She giggled and hid her face. "God, this is so embarrassing! You were even there that day!"

Jack was smiling, holding the pillow tightly against his crotch. His erection poked against it, and it was all he could do to keep from rocking his hips. "What happened?"

"Okay, this was about a year ago, and it was the Super Bowl. The place was packed, and when the second half started, this big group of guys all lit cigars. Cigarette smoke I'm fine with, and one or two cigars doesn't usually bother me, unless it goes right up my nose. But it was, like, thirty guys, all holding..." Jill trailed off and started waving a hand under her nose. Her ice-blue eyes narrowed, and she got a vaguely quizzical look on her face.

"Do you need me to kiss you?" Jack asked, leaning in.

"Naa-noo, but I d-do, ahhhh...I will need you m-make love to me soon, here. I'm ahhh-ahhh..." She took a huge breath, rearing her head back, and exploded into a "Huh-Eschhhhh!", spraying wetly across the bed and ending on a high pitched "EEEWW!"

"Good God," Jack sighed. "I need to make love to you just after watching that."

Jill smiled and wiped her nose. "Anyway, these guys lit up cigars, and I went into sneeze overdrive. I was just sneezing like mad. I have never sneezed that much in my life. It really sucked. They started to hurt my nose so badly, and I felt myself starting to come just from the sneezing, without any contact. So another waitress sent me back to the employee's washroom, which is private, to collect myself, and I just went nuts in there." She blushed and covered her face again.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, duh! I masturbated in the bathroom at work! I kept coming, which would make me sneeze, so I'd come again, and sneeze again... finally, it was stuck sneezes, which were just driving me insane with desire." Her face suddenly tightened up, and she sneezed twice. "Huh-ssssEW! Huh-KNP!" She stifled the second one, shook her head, and continued. "Anyway, when I got out, I just couldn't stop sneezing, from all the smoke. So they sent me home, and I did it in the car while driving -"

"Good Lord." Jack was sweating.

"-and again like five times when I got home." She smiled wearily. "Every guy I date finds this such a turn-on, but it's really a hassle. It's not as much fun as it seems."

Jack felt guilty and hoped the pillow hid his excitement. "Obviously." He paused. "I won't lie and say it's not a turn-on to me, but I can imagine how old it must get for you."

"Well, it can be fun, too. If I'm feeling horny, I can tease myself with spices and dust when I'm alone, and it makes it much more fun. There's more sensation involved when I bring myself to the brink of sneezing and pull myself back. I have a lot of practice at that."


"But I sneeze at least nine times a day, and that's on a good day, in the winter when there's no pollen around and I'm not sick. One sneeze isn't gonna do more than make me a little wet, but if I sneeze, say, ten times in an eight-hour shift at work, I'm a wreck." She tilted her head at him and let the cover drop from her breasts. "You wanna see?"

"See what?"

"What a sneezing fit does to me."

"Look, I don't want to force you -"

"With a new guy, especially one I like, it's fun to experiment. Besides, I have you here in case I get too excited." She smiled teasingly. "Which I will." She sniffled and wrinkled up her nose. "Man, my nose tickles already. Are you ready?"

"S-sure." Jack felt his head throbbing. "Okay."

Jill slid her hand slowly down her belly, her fingers winding up tangled in her jet-black pubic hair. She flashed a sultry look at Jack, who was unable to do more than stare. His pillow fell away, revealing his cock. She smiled and let her hand trail down between her legs, where it slowly parted her lips, still moist from the last couple of sneezes. Her fingers rubbed in a circular motion, occasionally sliding deep into her. She found her clit, already swelling, and tickled it. Her breath increased in speed, both from the excitement she felt and from the growing need to sneeze.

She increased her rhythm, her body responding in kind. As she played with herself, lightly and gently teasing her hungry pussy, her hips began to roll, her toes clenching and releasing, her back arching. Her nipples swelled up, pointing their way towards release. And then, finally, the sneezes began to come.

Jill's eyelids fluttered, and her nose twitched. A drop of clear liquid hung from one of her nostrils briefly before landing in her lap. Her breath hitched, and tears began streaming from her eyes. Her mouth hung open in anticipation, and she furrowed her brow. The tip of her tongue protruded slightly. Both nostrils were blazing and burning, nearly spasming in their desire to let go, but she fought against them. These were the moments that got her the most riled up, when she needed to sneeze desperately but either couldn't get them out or held them back intentionally. Her crotch began to tickle in rhythm with her nose, and she let her hand stop it's motion, letting her nose do the rest of the work.

"You-AH! - see," she said haltingly, "I'm really... turned on,... and..." She held her index finger underneath her nose, fighting to keep the sneezes in. "And... the longer I... hold out... the... more excited I... g-get." Against her will, she began to breathe hard, taking desperate gasps. "Ah-ah... it t-tickles, and... ah-AH-oooo, that was close..." Her eyes were now closed, her nostrils flaring in time with her breaths, her nose red and running. "And if... Ahhhh... Ahhhh... I just... just... hold... out... ahhhhh... ahhhh..." Her eyes blinked open for one second, a flash of blue fixing on him. "Nope, can't hold-"

Her face scrunched up mightily, and she gave up all pretense of fighting. As Jack watched, slack-jawed, she erupted into a massive fit.

"Huuuuhhh-HaEsssschhhhh-OOOO! Ah-ah-ahesssschhhh-ahhh! Essschh! Essssssch!"

She blew the sneezes out loudly, a mist of saliva coating the bedspread.


Her face froze, fighting to sneeze, both hands waving the air.

"Huuuhhhhhh-ESSSSSCHHHH-SHT! Ah, God-- Esssscchhh-EWWW!" Her sneezes ended on a high-pitched sound of relief.

Suddenly, given a moment's respite, she rolled on top of him. He was as aroused as she was, and he slid into her easily. Their lovemaking was frantic, animal-like, interrupted only by grunts and the occasional wet sneeze. He stared up her nose, watching it flare as each sneeze built, then watching her lips curl back, then purse together as she showered him with spray. After twenty minutes, he felt himself slipping away.

"God, Jill, I can't hold it..."

She held up a finger, a sneeze building. "One... more.... secon...."

Again, she began to sneeze, not even trying to fight it. Her breasts heaved, her face contorted, and she cut loose with a sneeze then made Jack jump even as he exploded.


They separated, sweating and sniffling. Jack rolled to face her.

"Did that mean you..."

"Oh, yeah."

He smiled. "I can't wait 'til allergy season."

"It's already here. Now gimme a tissue."