Once he had a handle on things, Jack started having fun. He and Jill got serious very quickly, and she had effects on him that he wouldn't have expected. For instance, he was grocery shopping one night about a month after they had first slept together when he heard a violent, wet, and decidedly feminine sneeze coming from the next aisle. He rounded the corner and found an adorable redheaded high schooler taking inventory in the spice section.
"Fu-fu-fuhuh-SSSSSHHH! -cking pepper," she muttered, the sneeze bending her double. She had just began the count again when she sprayed a sudden and messy "Huh-SSSSSHHHHH!" all over her clipboard and followed it up with an angry "Fuck!" before seeing Jack standing there.
"Oh, God, mister, I'm sorry I... I... huh-SSSSHHHHHHHHH! - I swore," she sniffled. "I didn't know you were there. I... I... huh-SSSSSSHHHHHHHH! - I'm sorry." Her sneezes were enormous, and she simply let them bend her in half rather than try to cover them.
Jack was surprised to find himself aroused. He realized that he now saw sneezing as something sexual, and he began to sweat as he watched her pretty nose twitch. "Pepper making you, uh, sneeze, huh?" he asked with a hearty (and rather fake) laugh.
"I hate this part of the job. This aisle and the... the... huh-SSSSSSSHHHHHHH! - detergent aisle just kill me!" Her sneeze had left a fine mist floating in the air, and Jack watched drift past him, gently reflected in the fluorescent light.
"Yeah. All those little crystals get in the air, and the smell... sm..." Her words drifted off, and she pressed an index finger against the side of her pert, upturned nose before regaining control. "Just talking about it... you know how it feels when you have to sneeze and it won't come out?"
"Well, I... I... huh-SSSSSHHHHHHH!" A large drop of snot plopped on the floor by her shoe. "I feel like that whenever I'm here." She looked at him for a moment before another sneeze overwhelmed her. "Huh-SSSSSSSSSHHHHHH! Mister, you okay? You look a little pale."
"No, I'm fine. I just need some garlic salt."
"Huh-SSSSSSHHHHHHHH! Here." She tossed it in his cart.
Jack smiled and nodded, keeping his shaking hands wrapped around the cart handle tightly. "Thanks. And good luck," he added as we walked away.
The girl was struggling to suppress another sneeze. Her eyelids fluttered and her mouth opened and closed repeatedly. "Thu... thu... huh - huh - huh --- Huh-SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!" She swallowed hard. "Thanks."
Jack finished getting groceries as he listened to her sneezes echo around him, drowning out the Musak. In the checkout lane, the girl ringing him up paused as her unlucky co-worker put together a string of six sneezes back to back before running by them towards the bathroom.
"Poor Jan," the checkout girl chuckled. "I keep telling her to stifle like I do, but she just sneezes too big."
"Yeah, I pinch my nose and hold my sneezes in."
Jack found himself unbearably aroused. "Why don't they let someone else count the spices?"
"Oh, we take turns. We all sneeze our butts off when we do it. She's just the loudest. What I do is make this little 'Hmp!' sound, and I'm done. Although for some reason I always whisper 'chooo' afterwards." She shrugged. "It just happens."
"I read somewhere that holding in sneezes is bad for you."
"Me too. But my sneezes are loud, too, and I don't like everyone looking at me." She gave him his total and he paid, running out the door to get to Jill's.
He recounted the experience to her, and she laughed. "So now I have to be jealous of every cute woman who sneezes around you?" she asked.
"No, of course not."
"Everyone doesn't get horny from sneezing, you know. Although everyone's nipples get hard when they sneeze."
"Yup, it's true. Check yourself next time you sneeze. Or give me about three seconds and check me." Her head had tilted back and her eyes were closing.
"You gonna sneeze?"
"No, I am sneezing. Right now. Uh-Esssschhhh-OOO!" So Jack checked. And she was right.
After a year, he knew what sneezes meant what. Her cold or allergy sneezes were announced by long, drawn-out intakes of breath as she fought to get them out, while spice, sunlight, and dust sneezes were sudden explosions. One sneeze from her was enough to get him hot just thinking about what was happening to her body.
Her nursed her through cold after cold, and had sex three of four times a day after (and during) violent sneezing fits brought on by the illnesses. A spring picnic in the park inevitably wound up with mad dashes to the car as Jill's body spasmed with sneezes. Once, he took a cigar to The Hill and blew smoke her way as she worked. After jumping on him in the employee bathroom, she bitched him out and he never tried it again.
Unfortunately, he was also surprised by uncomfortable erections whenever a woman sneezed around him. At the office, his adorable blonde co-worker would stifle delicate "Shewwwws" into hankies and he would have to stay behind his desk. A violent, sharp "Hahtchoo!" from his best friend's wife would lead to several long, uncomfortable moments for him. And the random and varied sneezes from attractive passers-by would leave him hunched over and horny. Still, it was Jill and her honeymoon rhinitis that truly drove him mad with passion, drove him to do things he sometimes couldn't believe he was doing.
One night, at the movies, he heard Jill's breath hitching painfully and looked over to see her face wrinkled up in full sneeze mode. Her hand was waving frantically under her nose, and her nostrils were flaring wildly. He began to fear she would hyperventilate as she fought bravely against the maddening itch seated deep within her nose.
"Huh-huh-huh...' she would gasp, then pause in expectation. Nothing would happen, and she again lost control of her breathing. "Ahhhh... uh-uh-uh-ahhhh.... -AH!" A sudden intake, but still no sneeze.
After five full minutes of fighting, she looked over at him helplessly through watery eyes and mouthed the word "Help." She took his right hand and put it on her lap, under her coat. She pulled her button fly open, giving him freedom to work. His fingers snaked their way under her jeans, feeling the wet spot forming on her panties, then sliding under the moist, sticky satin. As he wriggled them, her breathing became more tortured, as the sneeze got closer to coming out. He slid his index and middle fingers in and out of her, lightly tickling her hair and clit with his thumb.
"Ah God," she moaned. "Ahhh... ahhhhh.... ahhhchhhh..." Her expression remained tormented as the urge to sneeze overwhelmed her. Her hand wound up in his lap as well as her sneeze came closer and closer. He circled her clit, increasing pressure, rubbing all around it. Finally, her breaths became sharp and quick as some audience members glanced over. Her hand curled around his cock tighter, rubbing in spasmodic jerks that matched her hitching breaths. He slid his fingers as far in her as he could get them, wiggling the tips ever so slightly as he rubbed his thumb directly on her swollen clit. Jack pretended to look at the screen as Jill sneezed passionately.
"Ah!-uh-uh-AH!-uh-uh-Ah-ah-AH- AHESSSCCCCCCCCHHHHH - EEEEEWWWWW! God, yes! Escccccccccchhhhh-oooooo! EschewEschew!Eh-eh-eh-ESSSSSSCCCCCHHHHHH---OOOOOOOOO!"
They came together as she sneezed violently into her right hand, her left twisting in his lap. She blew her nose wetly when she was done to laughter and a smattering of applause from other moviegoers. Jack sat back, the fingers on his right hand soaked, his body exhausted and happy.
It finally reached the point where his libido couldn't keep up with her nose. One hot summer night, after going to a county fair where the pollen, sawdust, and farm animals ran her out of tissues, they wound up making out frantically behind the tilt-a-whirl.
"Oh, God... Huh-Esssccccchhhhhh - OOO! Shit!" she moaned as he kissed her neck and rubbed the seam of her jeans with his fingers. "Jack, please - Huh-Essssssstch-chooo! -please come into me, r-right - Essssshhhhhhhhooo! - right now!"
She fought valiantly to hold the sneezes back, her nostrils flaring and her mouth working. It opened and closed like a fish stranded on shore, but her battles were fruitless. She started stifling the explosions, pinching her nose.
"Dammit...Kchmp! Huh-huh - KCHMP! Guh-guh-hah-KAMP-ooo...Huheschhhooooo!"
"Okay," he had grunted. But no sooner had he unzipped his fly than a carnival worker overheard Jill's sneezes and chased them away. They coupled frantically in the car before leaving, then again on a county road as her sneezes cleared the last of the carnival dust from her aching, helpless nostrils, nostrils as sore as their genitals.
Only rarely would she let him play with her sensitive nose, and Jack was disappointed by this. One night Jill worked until 10 p.m., and when she got home, he led her into his bedroom and showed her the assortment laid out on his dresser. There was pepper, that fine old standby, as well as sneezing powder, some dust (gathered from the top of his entertainment center) in a small pile, a feather, a box of Kleenex, and a can of hairspray. Jill looked at it, looked at his smirking reflection in the mirror, and rolled her eyes.
"Lemme guess what you had in mind for tonight," she said.
"Oh, c'mon," Jack smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and resting his head on her shoulder, meeting her gaze in the mirror. "It's Friday night and we can sleep in tomorrow. I missed you, and I thought we could play."
"Yeah, well, go play with yourself. You're right, it is Friday, and The Hill was busier than hell, so I don't feel particularly amorous tonight." She disengaged herself from his arms and turned to face him. "I just want to put on some sweats, cuddle, and get some sleep. I thought you were gonna rent a movie."
"This sounded like more fun." He gently turned her around and began kissing her neck from behind her, running his hands over her breasts. Against her will, she responded to the soft lips on her neck and around her ear and arched her back, pushing lightly into him. She sniffled once, reaching over her shoulder and running a hand through his hair. His hands slid up her stockings then teasingly over her crotch. She felt his pelvis pushing against her buttocks, and her nose and pussy flared in response. She tilted her head back and up, and they met in a passionate kiss, their tongues flicking in and out of each other's mouths frantically.
Jack's hands left her body and found the zipper at the back of her skirt. It fell in a swish of satin, and he slowly turned her around, kneeled, and tongued at her pubic hair through the nylons that hid it. His hot breath swelled her lips as he tasted her, and she erupted with a "Huh-ESSSCCHHOOOO!" that nearly brought her to orgasm right then and there. Her legs grew weak, and she put a hand on the dresser to steady herself. Jack's cock felt tightly constrained as it swelled in his jeans.
At the sound of her sneeze, Jack stood and shook his head soundlessly, placing one finger under her trembling nostrils. Her desire to sneeze quelled, he removed his digit and finished undressing her. He laid her gently on the bed, then stripped down himself, his erection pushing angrily at his underwear. Turning to the dresser, he selected the feather, then dimmed the lights. He crawled onto the bed on all fours, and hovered over her. Despite the fact they were not touching, their hips both began to roll slightly in anticipation. Jack was hoping he could make it through this without losing control, and he thought about baseball even as he brought the feather closer to her flaring, eager nostrils.
The head of his penis rested at the lips of her pussy, spreading her wetness over its tip and into the dark triangle of her pubic hair as they moved together. He ran the feather around the rim of her nostrils, and her eyes snapped shut from the unbearable ripples that spread through her. She knew what to do as well, and she resisted the urge to sneeze that left her breathless. She could not remember ever being so wildly aroused, and Jack felt like a fourteen-year-old finally seeing his first adult magazine.
He leaned in and kissed her softly, letting her taste herself on his lips. Jill turned her face to the pillow and released a quick, soundless sneeze that went nowhere towards satisfying her. Jack placed his finger under her nose again and kissed her harder. The tickle muted by the pressure, they made out for a while, basking in the excitement of the moment as well as their love for each other. Jack finally pulled away and removed his finger, causing her nose to flare with a sudden tickle. He picked up the feather, rolling it between his fingers, and smiled down at her.
The feather made another round, and it was all Jill could do not to sneeze. Her eyes became red and inflamed, tears of agony and desire rolling down her cheeks to the pillow beneath her. She wanted to shake her head, to free herself of the torture and sneeze, but the burning between her legs was too pleasurable to resist. She could feel the head of Jack's cock throb every time she moved, and this increased her own desire and need to sneeze. Jack let the feather slide lightly into her right nostril, and she took a deep, sudden breath. The sneeze was there; it was flaring wildly, pushed along by the tiny little pieces of feather that broke loose and were sucked into her aching nose. She took her hand from his rear and pushed hard at her nose, eyes squeezed shut, mouth closed tightly in defiance. She regained control, and he let the feather twist slowly in her left nostril. It was rapidly becoming wet as her nose flooded, but each slow turn sent chills through her, starting at her nose and ending in her feet. Her nipples became painfully hard; each time they brushed against Jack's chest was a mix of joy and torture. Finally she could stand it no longer. She tilted her hips, and Jack found himself deep inside of her. She let the sneeze build, and it took its painful time reaching a peak. Her own sex was also peaking, and she felt the orgasm beginning just as the sneeze began to emerge.
"Huuuh.... huuuhh.... haahhhh..." Her breathing intensified. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut. Her nose, the feather still delicately tickling it, began its sweet release. Her mouth dropped open, lips curled back from her teeth, veins standing out in her neck. She took a loud "HHHUUUUUUUUHH-" of a breath, and...
Her eyes opened suddenly. The sneeze was there, but not coming. Her hips bucked in frustration, and it was all Jack could do to keep from coming with the sudden motion. Her eyes met his frantically, and he rolled over suddenly, putting her on top. The feather jutted from her nose, fluttering wildly with every breath she took. She rode him hard and fast, as wet as she'd ever been, and Jack moaned as he fought his own desire for release. After several minutes that seemed to stretch into an eternity, her eyes bugged out and her nose wrinkled up painfully. Jack felt himself begin to let go as he watched from below. The sodden feather fell heavily onto his cheek, but he was unwilling and unable to brush it from where it was stuck.
"Huh-uhhhh... Huh!-Uhhhhh..." Her breathing built in intensity and strength as the sneeze finally came to her. Her left nostril was burning, tickling madly, anxious to dispel the bits of feather that were trapped there. "Hit! - Gaaaahh... ahhh... huh-ahhhhh... Huh!" Jill's head flipped back suddenly and her mouth dropped open so wide Jack feared her jaw would unhinge. She snapped forward, her juices flooding him as she came, his own orgasm exploding inside her as she found the release she so desperately needed. "Huh - Resch - ESCH - SSSSHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEW!"
A mixture of saliva, mucous, and feather sprayed the headboard and rained on Jack's forehead as they both cried out. As her orgasm flooded her body, she sneezed again and again, soaking their sweaty bodies and sheets with the force. Her nose tickled wildly, and she found she had absolutely no control over the sneezes; they burst out of her as they never had before as she came a second time, then a third. "ESSCHHHHHHH!" she sneezed wetly. "Uh-SSSSSSSHHHHT! SSSSSSSHHHHHH! Hur-hur-HUR - ESCHHHHHA! Hur-EEESCSCCHHHOOOO! ESCHOOO! ESCHOOO! Hah-hah-HAH-GSSSSSSHHHHH! Huh... huh.... hup ---- ESSSCHHHH-OOOOO!"
Spent, exhausted, their legs and arms weak and heads swimming, they collapsed in a pile. Within minutes they were curled together in sleep, sneezes and sweat rapidly drying on their bodies, a lone, wet feather crusted to Jack's face.
After two years of dating Jill, he fell more in love with her every time she gave one of those enormously sexy sneezes of hers. He was ready to propose, ready to spend the rest of his life waiting to hear her sneeze from the kitchen, where she was putting pepper in the soup or on the salad, so he could rush in and ravish her. He was ready to wake up every morning to the sound of her sneezes, her face turned towards the light shining in the bedroom window, her body awaiting his touch. The one thing he was not ready for, of course, was the one he got.