The End

Night Owl

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It started ominously enough. Jack and Jill were passionately intertwined. This was nothing new, of course, only this time they were on the couch, watching "Friends".

It had started moments before. During a commercial break, a commercial for allergy medicine came on. A cute judge sat behind her desk, blinking itchy eyes and fighting back the urge to sneeze as a lawyer droned on in front of her. Right as she reared her head back to cut loose, the picture froze on her, then faded to show the product. Jack became aroused by it, as he and Jill hadn't made love for several days and his cute blonde co-worker was suffering from a doozy of a cold, full of lots of stop and start sneezes.

Jill immediately felt a sneeze flare up, and she pinched her nose against the sensation. The commercial ended (the judge took a pill and lost her need to sneeze), and Jill's own tickle faded. She was relieved; sneezing was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment. She wasn't feeling particularly amorous, and besides, it was a new episode of "Friends".

Jack, however, wasn't giving up. He leaned over and nibbled on Jill's neck. She frowned. His hands began to caress her thighs. She slapped at them. He whispered in her ear, letting his hot breath tickle it.

"How's your nose?" he asked. "It must be tickling reeeeally badly, after watching that woman trying not to sneeze. She was just trying so hard to sneeze, to just let go... I bet it would feel great to let loose a great big sneeze right about now."

Jill angrily pushed him away, but her nose twitched visibly. She focused on the TV, ignoring the maddening itch. She knew Jack was watching her for any sign of a sneeze, and it made the insides of her nostrils tickle unbearably. His hand traced a line up her inner thigh, and her breath caught in her throat. She fought to keep her expression neutral even as the sneeze welled up inside of her.

As Chandler made some smart-ass comment, she lost her battle. So suddenly it made Jack jump, Jill grabbed the remote control and jabbed at a button, dropped it onto the floor, took in a huge breath, and unleashed a volley of wet sneezes. "HAH-Eschhhh-Oooo! Eh-Esccchhhhh-wheww! Eschhhhh-oo! Eschoo! E-Eschhh-ooo! Ha-ha-ha-haeschhhh-OOOie!"

It felt good, damn good, to get rid of the tickle, and she felt herself flood. Before they knew it, they had each pulled their pants far enough down to get into the act and were rocking the sofa madly.

After a half-hour, Jack exploded inside her and was rewarded with...nothing. Not even a sniffle. No flared nostrils, no spray of snot and saliva. He rose off of her and pulled up his underwear.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You didn't sneeze!"

"No, I didn't."

"So you didn't come?"

"No." She rewound the tape she had started when she knew the sneezes were unavoidable and began watching "Friends" again. On the TV, Chandler gave another smart-ass comment.

Jack sulked, and she ignored him. In two years, every act of lovemaking had been followed by (and preceded by, and interrupted by) Jill's violent sneezes. Later that night, she disappeared into the bathroom and gave four earth-shaking sneezes over fifteen minutes, the final sneeze instantly recognizable as an orgasm sneeze. Jack would have been even more upset had he heard the seven "Gmp-pwoo"s as she stifled as many sneezes as she could in order to hide her masturbatory deception.

He kept his distance over the next day, then came home early one day to surprise her once his anger had passed. But there's no surprise to what happened next, is there? Before he had his key in the lock, he heard explosive sneezes rattling the door. He found Jill and one of the bartenders from the Hill sweating on their bed, Jill sneezing passionately.

Of course, there was a fistfight between Jack and the bartender, a guy named Brad. Of course, a massive screaming match followed, interrupted by sneeze after sneeze from the unfulfilled Jill.

"Essscccchhhhh-OO! This has been going downhill for a long time, Jack," she shouted, pulling on a robe. "Don't tell me you didn't no-nuh - Uh-Essscccchhh- OOO! Dammit! Notice!"

"Well, I got a clue the other night on the couch, but you don't talk to me, Jill! Tell me what I'm doing wrong, and I can fix it. Just because you're not happy, that doesn't give you the right to just ignore me, shut me out, and fuck some other guy in our goddamn bed!"

"Yuh- yuh- yu- esssschhhhhooo! Shit!" Her sneezes were driving her nuts. She wanted to talk, not sneeze every two seconds, but as soon as one came out, the next started to build. Besides, they were exciting her as well, making it harder and harder to keep a clear head. "Look, Jack, you're right. I'm wrong. I know that, and I'm sorry. But I duh- duh-" she fought for a minute and regained control. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry, but you haven't fulfilled me lately," her words sped up as the sneeze returned, "and I needed to- ESSSSSCHHHHHH! Damn!"

"Oh, no, you and some other guy in bed together doesn't hurt at all! Thanks for thinking of me!"

She started to speak, but was overwhelmed by the urge to sneeze. She tried to form syllables as the sneeze built, her breath speeding and her chest heaving in torment.

"Juh- juh-jaa- j--- Huh-huh-ehhhh... ehhhh... EH-EESSSSCCCCCCHHHHH-OOO! God! Jack, I said I was suh- suh- sorry, and I... I.... ESSSSCHHHH-EEW! - I am. But I... I... oh, man... huh- huh- huh-huhesssccchhhooo! Huh-ESSSSccchhhh-ah! Esch! Esch! Huh-huh-eeh-ESSSSSCHHH-OOO!" Her hips rocked as she sneezed with abandon, spraying the room. "I wish..." she moaned, her breath heaving, "I... could stop... sneezing... for t-two... two... se- se- Huhhhh-Essscccchhh-OOOO!"

She collapsed on the bed in helpless agony, her hands pressed tightly against her crotch.

"So what does this mean, Jill?" he asked quietly, sitting on bed beside her and taking her hand. He knew he loved her, and that he would forgive her eventually, and watching her sneeze in an open robe, her body pink with desire, was weakening him.

"It means it's over, Jack. I never wanted to hurt you, but I can't stay where I'm not huh- happy... Huh-EEEEESCCCCCCCHH!" The sneeze flopped her into a sitting position briefly before slamming her back onto the bed.

Of course, she moved out two days later, after arguments that were a great deal less sneezy, and of course Jack spent the next eight months depressed to a point he had never been before by the loss of love.

We all know what it's like to go through a break-up: we are constantly hurt again and again by things that remind of us of our lost love: movies, songs, certain special dates... they all pop up to undo any healing that is going on. For Jack, of course, every female sneeze was a shot through the heart. Every time he heard a woman sneeze, he thought of Jill, and what he had lost.

After about eight months of moping and feeling sorry for himself, he found himself working late with Amanda, his cute blonde co-worker. They were busily studying data when she excused herself to use the bathroom. He noticed that her nose was red when she returned.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Oh, I think I'm getting sick."

"That sucks."

"Tell me a-aaahhh-" she folded her hands in a tent over her nose and her shoulders shook as she released two tiny "Ah-chew! Ah-chew!"s.

Jack blessed her and stayed behind his desk out of necessity. Fifteen minutes later, he saw her set her pen down and place her hands in a tent over her nose again. Her eyes squeezed shut and her shoulders lifted, but nothing happened. She sighed angrily and waited. He watched her small breasts hitch occasionally as the sneeze teased and retreated. Finally, she lowered her hands and approached his desk.

"Cad I use your fluorescent lighd?" she asked stuffily. "This damb sdeeze won'd comb oud, and id's killing be."

He smiled and gestured towards the desk light, and she craned the adjustable neck to a point where she could stare at it by bending slightly. Her eyes narrowed immediately, and her hands flew to cover her nose. "Ah-CHEW! Ah-CHEW!" she sneezed squeakily, and Jack grabbed her and kissed her. She pushed him away.

"Jack! What are you... Ah-CHEW!... doing?"

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I don't know what came over me. It's been so long since Jill left, and I guess I just.... I'm really sorry."

"Uh-CHEW! Jack, I think we should go home," she said angrily. "I don't feel very good, and I also don't want to be looking at you right now."

"You're right. I'm sorry, Amanda, I've never done anything like that before, and it was wrong. I am so sorry."

They left, and the next day Jack found out she had transferred to accounting. He felt horrible for her and angry with himself for getting carried away by something as silly as a sneeze. He also knew that he needed to get out and start dating again, to find a girl he genuinely cared for rather than getting uncontrollably riled up whenever an attractive woman's nose itched in his vicinity.

He started hitting the bars the next week, and met a cute woman named Kelly. She had dark brown hair and glasses, and they saw each other three times over the following two weeks. After the third date, he told her couldn't see her anymore, that he would like to be friends (yeah, right) but that it was just too soon after his previous relationship. The real reason, of course, was that she had sneezed in front of him for the first time that night, a string of eight cat-like coughs that did nothing for him.

Despair hit him after dropping poor Kelly off at her apartment, and he started hating Jill and her sensitive nose all over again for cursing him this way. Now not only do I have to like the woman, he thought, but I also have to like the way she sneezes? Jesus Christ!

The answer, when it finally arrived a month later, came from his best friend and his friend's sharply sneezing wife. They set him up with Rebecca, a co-worker of the wife. She was tall and blonde, with long hair, a curvy figure, and a deep, throaty voice. Jack forgot Jill, and for the first time in many years, sneezing never entered his head. They began seeing each other steadily.

On their fifth date, Rebecca spent the night. The following morning, as Jack was shaving in the bathroom, he heard a loud wet sneeze come from the bedroom, where Rebecca was dressing. He shouted a bless you, and got a thanks back. He took his time shaving, to give his excitement time to die down, and found himself looking forward to her next sneeze.

On an overcast day several days later, she was driving them to dinner when she suddenly turned the dome light on inside her car and tilted her head back to try and look at it while she continued to drive.

"What are you doing?" Jack laughed.

"I have to sneeze," she replied calmly. "I'm looking at a light."

His hands began to sweat and his mouth dried up. "Is that bright enough? And shouldn't you be looking at the road?" He studied her closely, but her face showed no signs of pre-sneeze agony.

"I can see the road. Besides, I can't concentrate on driving if I feel like sneezing." After a long moment, she shook her head, turned the interior light off, and turned back to the road. "It's gone," she said. Jack's stomach dropped with disappointment.

He didn't see her sneeze for several more weeks. Every time he sneezed and she blessed him, he resented her nose for not tickling and wondered what it would take. Finally, they were at his place watching TV when she went to the kitchen to pour some drinks. He heard a gasp, followed by an "Ah-SSSSSSH!". He whipped his head her way and saw her back to him, her head buried in the crook of her arm. Her head tilted back, another gasp, and another wonderfully wet "Hur-RSSSSSSSSH!" into her sweater. She turned and walked back with the two glasses.

"God bless you," he said, as she handed him his and sat back down on the couch.

"Thank you."

"Why did you sneeze on your shirt?"

"At the doctor's office, they say that's the best place to sneeze. If you sneeze in your hands and touch something, like a pencil, you might as well have sneezed on the pencil itself. Handkerchiefs are kind of gross; I mean, I don't want to carry my germs and snot around with me. Tissues are okay if you only use them once and then toss them, but I didn't have one just now. So I sneeze into my elbow or into the air."

"Oh. Makes sense, I guess. But it was just a random sneeze, probably no germs there."

She laughed. "Honey, I work in a doctor's office. I get, like, a cold every two months."

She stopped talking and held up a finger. He watched her nose wrinkle and her lips curl back, her eyelids fluttering. She took in a huge gasp of air, her jaw dropping, and sprayed another enormous sneeze into her elbow. "Heh!--- Hu-SSSSSSSSSSHHH! Oh, excuse me!"

Jack smiled. Her sneezes were perfect, wonderfully full and wild. So wonderful, in fact, that he was unable to keep himself from leaning and giving her a long, slow kiss, hardening his already excited cock. Her nipples were already hard from the sneezes as well, but his fingers drew them out further, just as they slowly spread her legs and slid under her panties. The love they made that night was slow and long, her first orgasm with him, and he was relieved that she didn't sneeze once as they enjoyed themselves.

But, miracle of miracles, she called him the next day at work to cancel that evening's movie. "I ab so sorry, hodey," she said over the phone, "Bud I was ride. Dose sdeezes were...were.... scuze be...HuhSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!...frob a code."

He assured her it was okay, and showed up at her door that night with chicken soup, Vapo-Rub, two boxes of tissues, and a smile. She answered in sweats and quickly returned the smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, the stuffiness controlled by medicine. "You'll get sick!"

"Tonight, I am your doctor, my dear," he responded, entering her apartment. "I won't get sick."

"Yeah, but secretaries in the... the... Hup-SSSSSSSSSSHHHH... peds section sure do. This is a doozy."

"Bless you. Get back on the couch and lay down. I am going to take care of you."

"Boy, you sure know how to win a girl over." Her face sagged as a sneeze came, and she hurried to the window, staring out at the setting sun. "Eh- eh- Huh-SSSSSSHHHHHHH!" She sneezed explosively, not covering her face, her head bowing down heavily with each release. The late afternoon sunlight highlighted the spray from her nose and mouth. As he watched, her head tilted back, eyes squinting at the sun. "Huh-SSSSSSSSHHHH!" And again she stared out the window, trying to coax each maddeningly stuck sneeze out. She would take a sudden breath in, but nothing would follow. Jack admired the way she kept her mouth hanging open, her lips curling back as the sneeze threatened. On many women, this would not be a good look, but Rebecca pulled it off well. "Huh.... huh... huh-huh- huh- AH-SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH! Man!" she exclaimed as the third sneeze escaped.

She curled up with him on the couch and let him baby her. The best part was, she let him put the Vapo-Rub on her chest.

They started falling in love over the next couple of days as he nursed her through her cold. As time passed, her sneezes became nothing more then just sneezes to him. He occasionally felt a twinge when he saw an attractive woman sneeze or watched Rebecca stare out the window at the sun with her mouth hanging open, a twinge that reminded him of Jill. With increasing rarity over the years, he pleasured himself thinking about how those sneezes had ravaged her, driving her mad with ecstasy even as they mercilessly tortured her nose. But he didn't need her anymore; his life was now complete.

Jill stayed with the bartender Jack had caught her with. She always felt horrible about what she had done to Jack (much as he felt badly about the Amanda situation), and always thought of him warmly. They never saw each other again, but she kept tabs on his progress for several years from mutual acquaintances. The day Jack and Rebecca were married, she thought about sending them a card but ultimately decided it would be a bad idea. Still, she smiled when she received the news of his upcoming wedding, and was glad that he had moved on and found someone to share his life with.

Her sneezes continued to torture her for the rest of her life. In fact, she sometimes thought her honeymoon rhinitis had gotten worse over the years. The dual tickling in her nose and crotch sometimes reached unbearable levels as the build-ups got longer and more dramatic. Her sneezes got stronger and stronger; a fit could leave her exhausted and hoarse, her head spinning. Eventually, the smoke at the bar started making her sneeze incessantly, and she had to take a position as a secretary to avoid it. Even there, her sneezes, loud, powerful, and almost unstifleable, became legendary with her co-workers. But hidden behind a desk, she could sneakily relieve herself of the tension by bringing herself to orgasm subtly, one hand under her skirt.

In the beginning, Brad got as much pleasure out of her sneezes as Jack had, but as time went on they lost their luster for him. His love, unlike Jack's, was based in something more than just the carnal, and he and Jill were very happy together.

Even Amanda and her squeaky sneezes found a partner with her new supervisor in accounting. She always thought Jack was kind of odd, since he had kissed her only when she had sneezed. She could never put it together all the way, and eventually forgot about it. Which, as Jack would have said, was for the best.