The Odd Couple, Part III
Ridiculous.
Stupid as fuck. Eddie climbed into
the shower, feeling instant relief as the hot water beat down upon his
naked skin like the tepid massage of liquid fingertips. Steam
gently aided in the renewed process of breathing freely and he
relished the clarity, for he knew that it was probably temporary.
Despite the respite from congestion, he sneezed once with a
resounding, "Hit-shuuuuuuh!” noting the way the sound
reverberated off the walls in the bathroom’s amplified acoustics.
Funny, he had never heard Craig sneeze in the shower. . .in fact, he
rarely let it go in front of Eddie at all, which was why he had been
so shocked by his friend’s rather blatant behavior, although he was
well aware that the other man was prone to sneezing a bit incessantly
in the morning at certain times, a trait that roused Eddie’s
curiosity to some degree. The opening of his
sinus passages elicited another echoing “ahshooooo!” from him as
he scrubbed at his hair with a handful of shampoo, lathering it into a
sopping pile atop of his head as he went to work soaping the rest of
his naked body until he looked like a frothing mass of walking
bubbles. The shower was a
quick one, for rarely did he linger as Craig often did and he stepped
out of the steaming bathroom, one towel wrapped turban style around
his head, the other around his waist. Sometime late in
the afternoon, Eddie had disappeared into the dark depths of his room,
leaving Craig to finish practicing his lines alone. At least
Lucy was with him. He delivered to her, finding speaking to an
audience much less embarrassing than to an empty room. He only
wished the people who auditioned him would be as intent on his words
as she seemed to be. Except for when she decided to clean her
stomach. He supposed it might break his concentration if they
were to suddenly spread their legs and begin licking themselves.
The image made him smirk. Something to remember if he were too
nervous. Which he would be, if the way he was feeling now were
any indication. Actually, he found
himself wishing Ed hadn’t left. At least with him there, he
could pretend to keep his mind on the words, instead of the waves of
fear that kept washing over him. And if he looked too somber, Ed
would tease the shit out of him. Which would make him angry, and
then the nerves would disappear. And there was something oddly
comforting about the singer’s presence. Instead, he swooped
down and grabbed Lucy, setting her on his lap. “So, Luce…
what do you think? Am I going to get this part or what?”
The cat gave him a dirty look, clearly put out at being coddled.
'You are infringing on my personal space,' her eyes told him and he
stuck his tongue out at her. “Watch it or no
Friskies for you,” he threatened, tapping her nose lightly with the
tip of his finger. Just then he caught sight of the clock.
Nearly seven. He knew Eddie’s band usually played at nine, but
liked to arrive early to warm up and get in tune. He hoped Eddie
was getting ready. He didn’t want to have to arbitrate any
further battles. Craig set Lucy on the floor, then padded to Eddie’s room. The door was closed, as usual. The man lived like a pig. It drove Craig crazy to see the piles of clothes and dirty dishes, the sheets of music and notebooks and scraps of paper strewn all over the room. To avoid battles over cleanliness, Eddie had agreed to keep his mess confined to his room, and Craig would ignore what he couldn’t see. He listened at the
door, but heard no movement from within. What was he doing?
Craig reached out and tapped at the door. “Eddie,” he
called. “Are you almost ready to go?” Receiving no
answer, he knocked louder. “Eddie!” he said a bit more
loudly this time. Was it possible
that the man was buried under a pile of his dirty underwear,
suffocating? Either that or he was jerking off. . . Not wanting to
invade Eddie’s privacy, yet also concerned for his well being, Craig
grasped the doorknob and turned it gingerly, peeking inside the
ominous dark of Eddie’s room. Sure enough, the singer
was curled up in a fetal ball beneath a mountain of blankets, snoring
away while the alarm blared incessantly from under a stack of pillows.
No wonder he had not heard it. . . “Eddie. . .”
Craig implored much louder this time from the doorway, allowing the
light from the hall to illuminate the dark room, highlighting various
pile of anonymous personal items. “What?!”
Eddie barked suddenly from his shelter. “It’s almost
seven, weirdo. You’re gonna be late,” Craig informed
him, planting his hands upon his hips in a most dissatisfied manner. “What?”
Eddie said again, his tone muddled and hazy this time. “Your gig. .
.tonight. . .nine o’clock. . .hellllloooo?” Craig said in
exasperation, knocking upon the wooden door as if it were a replica of
Eddie’s hard head. “My gig?
Oh, fuck!” Eddie groaned, smacking his hand against his
forehead. Practically
stumbling out of the bed, he snatched the nearest shirt from the heap
near the foot of the bed and pulled it over his head as he slipped a
pair of still-laced Sketchers over his sock covered feet. “Pants,”
Craig informed him with a chuckle. “Pants would be good here.
. .” “Oh shit, yeah. .
.my pants. . .” Eddie mumbled, jerking on a pair of jeans over
his shoes with far more effort than he really needed to exert. Leaning against the
doorframe, Craig watched with mild amusement as Eddie scrambled to get
ready, resisting the urge to inform him that if his room were kept in
a state other than utter disarray, he might actually be able to find
what he needed upon occasion. After several
intense minutes of mad scrabbling, Eddie managed to pull himself into
some semblance of order and sauntered to the door where Craig stood
waiting, doing very little to hid his mirth. “Don’t say it,
Parker. . .” Eddie muttered as he shoved past his friend with
a disgruntled scowl. Craig merely
shrugged innocently. “Say what?” Eddie paused and
glanced over his shoulder at the other man who was dressed in a pair
of perfectly pressed black pants and pin-striped dark blue shirt, hair
gelled into tousled perfection. “Parker, it’s a
shithole club. . .it’s not a goddamn wedding reception,”
Eddie told him rather curtly. “And your point
is…..?” “Never mind.” The throbbing in
his head had intensified since he had awoken and no amount of booze or
pills seemed to help matters. To make things even worse, the
scratch in his throat had blown into full blown pain from all of the
coughing he had endured and the persistent tickle that had plagued him
since the previous night refused to abate. Rather than try and
suppress the urge, he squinted at the light above him and coaxed into
being. “Etchiiisssshoooo!
Hehchiiissshooo!!” he sneezed, covering his mouth partially
with one hand out of courtesy for Craig’s health rather than
actually caring about the politeness of the action. “Bless you,”
Craig said automatically and then cringed, knowing full well that
Eddie despised the sentiment. “I mean, damn you,” he
corrected himself. “Damn you to hell!” Eddie scowled at
the blessing. There was little he hated more than someone
acknowledging his sneezing... especially with such a useless sentiment
as a blessing. Even if there was such a being as a God... why
would it waste its time with something so inane as offering blessings
to everyone who had a small sniffle. But then Craig completely
reversed his statement and Eddie found himself grinning, almost
against his will. He schooled his face back to the disgruntled expression, and turned toward Craig, who nearly stepped away. “You're a fuckwad, Parker,” he growled, glowering, but unable to keep the sparkle from his eyes. “But you crack me up.” Eddie chuckled, but it turned into a fit of coughing. He groaned. Craig shook his
head. “You sound...” “Like shit, I know,” Eddie couldn't deny it any longer. There was a problem. But he had sang through a cold before, and he could do it again. He would. “But I have to perform tonight. There's not another option.” “You're going to
fuck up your voice,” Craig warned. Actors were some of the few
people other than singers who understood the voice as an instrument. Eddie shook his head. “I have to do this. If I don't sing, there's nothing for me. It's the only time I can...” He shrugged, falling silent. “You should go into comedy,” he changed the topic abruptly as he locked the door behind them. Craig looked away
from Eddie for a moment. It was a rare person who knew about his
dream to be a comedian. His parents thought it was even less
likely for him to be successful as a comedian than it was to be a
successful actor. Not that they believed either was very likely.
How was it that Eddie knew so much about him? Suddenly Craig
sighed, Eddie's mood seemed to be more contagious than whatever
disease he had this time. He shrugged it off. He cocked an
eyebrow at his roommate then reached out and felt Eddie's forehead.
“Huh. I thought so. Feverish. I think you're
delirious.” Eddie stepped away
from the touch, shivering as a brief chill shook him. “One of
these days you should learn how to take a compliment.” “Perhaps if you
learned how to give one...” Craig smirked. “Now get in the
car, or I'll leave without you.” “Sure... and
you'll have to sing for me. That would be really ....
interesting.” He smirked; Craig's inability to carry a tune
was practically legendary. "You don't want me to drive?”
Eddie asked, gazing rather longingly at his pick-up. “I do not ride in
rust buckets,” Craig said in a mockingly lordly tone, waving his
hand dismissively. “And besides, if you get hammered, I
don’t think you’d enjoy walking fifteen miles back to the
apartment.” “Jeff would drive
me. . .” Eddie grumbled crossly, folding his arms before him much in
the manner of a spoiled child as he sank into the Saturn’s plush
seat. “I don’t know
if even Jeff could stand you right now, Sunshine,” Craig
teased, ruffling Eddie’s hair affectionately with one hand as he
backed out of the parking lot. “I’ve got your
sunshine right here, asshole,” Eddie fired back, grabbing his
crotch lewdly. Craig giggled
almost boyishly. “You said sunshine and asshole in the same
sentence. Tell me, is there a light at the end of the asshole
tunnel, Eddie?” “Idiot,”
Eddie grunted, turning up the collar of his jacket with a cough
although mildly amused. The utter stupidity of Craig’s
observation was so ridiculous, it was almost funny. Such
was his friend, always finding the humor in the most inane of places
and pointing it out for all to see. And laugh about. At times, Eddie
wished he could borrow the cheerful vibrancy of his friend, for as
long as he had known Craig, he had rarely seen him depressed, let
alone pouting as he himself indulged in at the present moment.
Perhaps it was childish, but things had simply not gone as planned, a
fact which thoroughly irritated Eddie, for despite all of his
disorganization, keeping the schedule with the band was very important
to him. So important, in fact, that his life practically
revolved around it. “Mind if I
smoke?” Eddie asked. Craig shook his
head. “Nope. Just roll down the window a bit.” He resisted the urge to inform Eddie that smoking was probably the worst possible thing he could do for his voice at this point, but he was in no mood to cross the testy singer. Better to just let him have his way and possibly get a few drinks in him later. Then, at least, he would forget about his misery even if his voice did not last for the entire show. Eddie cracked the
window only enough to allow the smoke to flow outside, instead of
getting trapped in the car. Even that was enough to make
him shiver with chill. Fucking disease. At least he’d
have a couple of days before their next gig. He could hole up in
his room until the thing left him alone. The lighter popped
from the dashboard, loud in the silence. Eddie stuck a cigarette
in his mouth, lit it and took a long drag. Despite the coughs
that threatened, the smoke soothed him. He held it for a moment,
wishing he were smoking something else, then exhaled out the window in
a cloud. He glanced over at Craig, who was watching the road
unnecessarily carefully. He knew he was being childish, pouting over
something like this… but this knowledge only made it worse.
And for Craig to know… he crossed his arms over his chest, clutching
his notebook, and slouched down in his seat, scowling out the window. * * * * * * *
* * * * * As he pulled into
the small lot behind the club, he heard Eddie curse under his breath.
Mike’s Nissan and Jeff’s Honda were already there. Craig
checked his watch. 7:30. They were late. The
shit was going to hit the fan. Craig only hoped that some of it
would hit him first, the protectiveness rising with a flash of anger
on Eddie’s behalf surprising him. Eddie barely
acknowledged Craig’s presence as he strode toward the door, still
hunched into his jacket. The wind had picked up a sharp edge,
Craig realized. Winter was coming much faster than he would have
liked. The long months of cold, grey, bleakness sometimes got
him down. He followed Eddie into the warmth of the club.
Even without a crowd, the place smelled like old beer and stale sweat.
He shuddered. Eddie was right, the place was a shithole. As Eddie blinked in
the dimness of the club, he rubbed his forehead, wishing the headache
would let up. Or at least that someone would unpack the cotton
from his brain. How he was going to be able to remember his
lyrics was beyond him. Then he caught the sound of scales,
Mike’s guitar, up and down, loosening up. Eddie crossed into
the main room. They were all there. Mike, Jeff, Stone and
Matt. Fuck. He would have to be last. And there was
no one to blame but himself. Double fuck. Hoping to
avoid the rest of the band for a moment, he headed over to the
bartender instead and ordered a mug of tea. With a couple of
shots of whiskey. The warmth would soothe his throat, and
hopefully the whiskey would obliterate the headache. Just as he finished
ordering, Mike glanced up and noticed him. “Hey Vedder, thanks
for gracing us with your presence.” Eddie ground his
teeth together, biting back a sarcastically irritable response.
He was lucky to be here at all, the way the he felt, but he wasn’t
going to give Mike the satisfaction of that knowledge. “Fuck off,
McCready,” Eddie grumbled, which was the only reply he could
muster. Leave it to Mike to shit a golden brick over a half of
an hour. But then again, he would probably do the same if Mike
had been in his place. Perhaps he deserved
to be berated. After all, the rest of the band had played sick
on many occasions, so why couldn’t he ever seem to conjure the
energy to make it through the night with just a damn cold?
Pathetic, that’s what he was. Letting the guys down.
Letting his fans down. And. . .letting himself down. A gentle hand
descended upon his shoulder, interrupting his tirade of
self-belittlement. Craig stood beside him, giving Mike a less
than friendly stare, his expression politely yet firmly conveying that
McCready knock it off. . . and now. “Hey, Parker. . .
don’t even start with me,” Mike warned him, lighting a smoke
with shaky hand. “This isn’t your business. It’s
band business. Get it?” Craig’s eyes
never left those of the other man as his hand slid from Eddie’s
shoulder and onto the bar’s worn surface. Ever so casually, he
reached out to pluck the cigarette from between Mike’s lips,
bringing it to his own and taking a long drag. Smirking, he
puffed several rings of smoke in the guitarist’s direction which
settled about his head like a demonic wreath, all the while saying
nothing. “Prick,”
Mike muttered, fanning away the halo of smoke. “If we
weren’t at a gig, I’d kick your preppy ass.” Craig snorted a
laugh, stubbing the cigarette out in one of the overflowing ashtrays
with a grimace. Menthol. Ugh. “I’m
shaking in my Calvin Klein’s.” “You should
be,” Mike growled. But he did not hold Craig’s gaze, and he
quickly retreated back to the stage with the rest of the band. Craig crossed his
arms over his chest, observing how the band stepped together, facing
the singer. Closing ranks. Four against one, not exactly
winning odds. But Craig would not allow anyone to hurt Eddie.
The man did that well enough all by himself. He leaned back
against the bar, watching with a steady gaze as Eddie followed Mike to
the stage. He was walking carefully, as though he would break if
he made one misstep. He should have cancelled, though Craig knew
well the drive to perform. Hopefully once he started he would be
able to ride the adrenaline through the show. Eddie bent his
head, his hair curtaining his face. He nodded and behind him
Matt began a driving beat. Craig leaned against the bar with a sigh and motioned for the bartender, ordering a bottle of Corona with extra lime. He just prayed that Eddie made it through the gig without passing out and from the looks of his current state, the hope could prove to be a long shot. * * * * * * The time to perform
came all too soon for Eddie, who could have definitely used a bit more
of a buzz before facing the packed club’s eager patrons. Too
late to consider his alcohol consumption right now with Mike giving
him the evil eye from the stage. He sauntered onto the stage as
the lights dimmed, mic in hand, head hung low as if in a depressive
slump. Tensing, Craig
leaned forward in his seat, desperately hoping that Eddie wasn’t
passing out as Matt clicked his drumsticks together to establish the
tempo of the certainly raucous tune. Eddie’s head bobbed to
the rhythm until the song burst into being. Craig watched in
mild amazement as the music began to transform Eddie from a sullen
singer into a veritable firecracker of energy, the charge of the
thumping rhythm seeming to lift the veil of darkness from his face and
replacing it with determined euphoria. Eddie’s powerful
baritone reverberated through the smoke infested bar, reaching into
every crevice and filling it with the ferocity of his music
convictions. No matter how many
times Craig had seen the band perform, Eddie’s stage presence never
failed to floor him completely. The singer cavorted about the
stage, spinning and dancing like a maniac, working the crowd into a
bouncing frenzy of noisy whoops and shouts. Had Craig been with
a date and not alone, he probably would have joined in the masses, but
he preferred to watch from a reserved standpoint this evening. Remarkably, Eddie
managed the entire set without a hitch, a feat which truly surprised
Craig, for he knew the singer wasn’t up to par. Given his
enthusiastic antics, Craig was tempted to suggest that he perform ill
more often! As the band
disappeared into a back room for the short break between sets, Craig
pushed his way through the milling crowd, trying to reach Eddie.
On his way past the bar, he asked the bartender for another tea with
whiskey. Nauseating drink, in his opinion, but Eddie seemed to
drink it every time he was sick. He claimed it was an old remedy
his grandmother gave him as a kid. With slightly less whiskey,
of course. This from the man who also claimed his grandmother
made hallucinogenic jam. Either he had the world's most
interesting grandmother, or he knew how to spin a good yarn.
Craig was betting on the latter... though, considering the depths of
his friend's weirdness, perhaps he should give more credence to the
former. Craig managed to
make his way to the back room, through the still raucous crowd,
without dumping more than a few slops of the tea on himself. As
he brushed past another linebacker sized guy without a shirt, dripping
with sweat, Craig began to think Eddie was right to criticize him for
his choice of clothing. He may have to burn his outfit once he
got home. He wasn't sure he'd ever get the eau de frat-boy out
of them. He slipped into the
room, completely unnoticed by the others in the band. Mike and
Stone were gathered in a tight circle, laughing and talking about some
chick in the crowd in loud voices. Matt and Jeff were dribbling
a basket ball between themselves, intent on a discussion on which was
a better team... the Bulls or the Knicks. Craig wasn't sure where
either team was from. For a moment, he hesitated in the doorway,
unsure if Eddie was even in the room. Then he caught sight of
him, sitting on an old folding chair in the corner of the room.
He was glaring down at his feet, chin on one hand, looking vaguely
lost. Craig crossed the
room quietly, standing by Eddie and laid a careful hand on his
shoulder. “Hey, Vedder,” he said softly, holding out the mug
of tea in offering. Eddie glanced up at
him, blue eyes shining with some indefinable emotion. Craig
squeezed his shoulder. “Good set,” he said. “Thanks,” Eddie
mumbled, accepting the steaming cup gratefully. “Feeling. . .?”
Craig began. “Like shit?
Yeah,” Eddie grumbled, his voice suddenly hoarse and congested as he
sipped the hot liquid. Truthfully, he felt
worse than shit. More like shit that had been baking in the sun
for five days and then trampled into the dry earth by a herd of four
hundred pound Jenny Craig rejects eager for the taste of some
forbidden cookie. Now that his
singing had ceased, the persistent tickle that plagued him had arisen
with a vengeance. Struggling valiantly to suppress the urge, he
pressed a hand beneath his nose, but touching it had apparently been a
most devastating mistake. “Hehmmpphsshh!”
he sneezed, trying desperately to squelch the sound, lest the other
band members overhear what may very well turn out to be a small fit.
“Hitchhsst!!” Craig eyed him
warily. “That doesn’t sound too good,” he noted,
immediately wishing he had not voiced the observation, for he was
certain Eddie would bite his head off given the mood he was in. Instead, the singer
sighed wearily, taking another long swallow of the god-awful
concoction without so much as a grimace. “Yeah, I know.” He knew?
Well, this was a surprise. Eddie must be feeling horrid to even
conceive of admitting that he felt as such. Not wanting to add
to his apparent suffering, Craig attempted a smile. “Well, look on
the bright side. If the guys get on your nerves, you can always
hock a chunky one in their drink,” he said with a wink. Eddie smirked.
“Parker. . .remember when I said you should go into comedy? I
take it back.” Craig laughed,
wincing as a rather well-endowed woman winked suggestively in his
direction. Eddie’s eyes followed Craig’s look of slight
disgust and chuckled. “What’s the
matter, Parker? Afraid she might fuck your brains out?” he
teased. Craig arched one
eyebrow. “I’m afraid she might bite my dick off,” he
said with a shudder. Gripping the collar of Eddie’s shirt he
feigned a swoon. “I’m too young to die!” “And far too
beautiful,” Eddie added. “You know it,”
Craig struck a pose and Eddie finally grinned... even though it looked
more like a grimace. Suddenly a voice
interrupted them. “The fuck was that, Vedder?”
McCready, of course. Craig glanced at him and winced slightly.
This was not going to be Eddie stood to face
his bandmate. “Look. You know I'm sick. It's
fucking obvious. And I'm tired of you acting like it's some
crime against humanity. I'm doing the best I can out there.
So if I slip in here... just let me.” “But it's not
going to be just in here, is it? You made it though the first
set and that's great; wonderful even. But look at yourself.
Listen to yourself. You sound like shit. I don't care what
you think of me or my actions. I care about the audience. Do
they really deserve to have you at less than your best?” “What the hell do
you want of him?” Craig burst out suddenly, unable to stay
silent. “He is doing the best he can right now.” Mike whirled to
glare at Craig. “Oh, look who's opened his big mouth.
Parker... Eddie's ever-present defender. The roommate.”
Somehow the word was dirty “What's that
supposed to mean?” Craig asked, voice dangerously quiet. “You know damn
well what it means. It means quit trying to hitch a ride on our
rising star. Go find your own fame. Fucking Ed won't make
you any more than the nothing you already are.” Craig's stomach
clenched, anger burning through him. “What gives you the right...”
He stepped forward, poking Mike in the chest with one finger.
“You know Mike grabbed
Craig's finger with one hand and began to twist. “Don't you
fucking touch me...” Suddenly Eddie
stepped in between them, eyes glittering with anger and fever.
Chills shook him, but he ignored it, clenching his teeth to keep them
from chattering. “Stop it. Right now. What the
hell do you think you're going? Just leave me alone, all right?
Both of you.” It was too much all
at once. The noise of the crowd from outside the door... the
conflict between his best friend and his bandmate... the fact that he
thought Craig shot Mike a
look that could have melted the ice in his drink. “Fine. .
.” he said, “I’ll be waiting by the bar in case you need me to
call an ambulance.” * * * * * The second set was
blur of fever and alcohol that Eddie could not recall . . . nor did he
want to. Although he usually lingered to assist in loading up
the equipment, he knew that in his weakened state, he would be of
little use to the band and regretfully took a sullen leave. Once inside the
warm confines of Craig’s car, he hunkered down into the seat once
more, bundled in his thick jacket, saying nothing other than the
occasional cough or sniffle. His roommate said nothing in
return, apparently having had his fill of Eddie’s shenanigans for
the evening. Eddie could hardly
blame him. It wasn’t as if he tried to be a sulky jerk. . .it
just happened at times. Just why Craig even put up with him was
beyond his comprehension. Perhaps he was growing tired of it.
Perhaps, tired of him. Stop it, he berated
himself internally. Craig had seen him in far worse states than
this before yet he had never abandoned their friendship, although at
times, Eddie failed to see why. He didn’t know if he could
stand himself for much longer given the foul disposition he radiated,
which was utterly disappointing. Usually, after a gig, he was
full of life. . .on a high, even. But not tonight. He was
just too sick and far too tired to even consider doing anything other
than sleeping. Thankfully, he had a good four days in between
club dates and was grateful for the chance to actually rest. Craig remained
silent until they reached to the apartment, announcing to Eddie that
he was going to study his lines. In his room. Alone.
Well, he hadn’t actually said that last part, but he might as well
have. It was painfully obvious to the singer that he did not
wish to be in the company of his misery any longer. And who
could blame him? Feeling far worse
than he had earlier that day, Eddie called Bijou to him and trudged to
the confines of his darkened room, flopping onto the bed with a sigh,
not bothering to shed his smoke and sweat drenched clothing, sleep
claiming his senses the instant his head made contact with the pillow.
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