The Perfect Sneeze


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Sheldon answered the telephone on the first ring.


The seductive voice on the other end responded with: "If you can answer one simple question you will win a free dance lesson from Professor Sergio."

"Andres, is that you?"

"I don't know anything about anyone named Andres. As I've said, my name is Professor Sergio. Answer this one question correctly and you will win a free dance lesson. Here is the question: In what year was the war of 1812 fought?"

Sheldon answered incredulously, "It was fought in 1812 of course!"

"Congratulations," answered the sultry voice on the other end of the line. "You've won a free dance lesson from me, Professor Sergio. I'll be over your house at 8 p.m. sharp to give you your lesson. Just give me your address and I'll be there."

Sheldon played along with Andres and gave out his address. After he had hung up the phone he realised what had just happened and, more importantly, what was about to happen. He started to shake with excitement. He began to sweat. He almost couldn't believe it. His fantasy was about to come true.

Many weeks ago, a slightly intoxicated Sheldon had mentioned to Andres that his ultimate fantasy, for as long as he could remember, was that a gorgeous dark man would swoop into his life, sneeze the perfect sneeze of all time for him, make passionate love to him and then disappear again forever. Sheldon was amazed that a slightly drunken Andres had even heard his fantasy, let alone remembered it. And now, tonight, Andres was going to give Sheldon exactly what he’d always dreamed of. It was almost too much to believe.

He finished his work for the day and hastily set off home. He had some important preparations to make.


The doorbell rang at exactly eight o'clock. An already overly excited Sheldon opened the door and gasped. There stood Andres looking impossibly gorgeous in a blue buttoned shirt, opened to the navel to expose his magnificent body. The shirt was tucked into a pair of cream white slacks that hugged his buns much too tightly. His jet black hair was pulled back in a severe pony tail, and on his nose was perched a pair of mirrored sunglasses.

Sheldon nearly fainted from this sight alone. It was only the thought of what was to come that kept him on his feet.

"Are you ready to learn how to dance from the world famous Sergio?" asked Andres.

"Oh boy, am I ever!" Sheldon whispered, playing along with the fantasy. He was going to enjoy this to the hilt – he just hoped he could survive all the excitement. "What dance will you be teaching me?"

"For you I have chosen to teach the Lambada"

Sheldon shivered in anticipation. The Lambada was a sexy dance from the early '90's that never quite caught on, but was renowned for it's sensuality. It was also known that any two people who danced the Lambada were expected to spend the night together. It was an unwritten, but well known, rule of the dance.

Andres proceeded to "teach" Sheldon the dance steps. He was playing his part to the hilt, pulling Sheldon in much too tightly and holding him much longer than need be. He started to rub his body against Sheldon. All this touching in the tight white slacks succeeded in giving Andres a terrific erection which showed wonderfully through the tight pants. Poor Sheldon also had a raging erection, and he didn't know if he would even last until the "best" part. At one point Andres pulled Sheldon into him so close that they were face to face. Sheldon couldn't help himself and he kissed his gorgeous lover. Andres, breaking out of character for the only time that evening, grabbed hold of Sheldon and the two men shared a long, sensual kiss.

"I love you baby," Sheldon said.

"I love you too babe," Andres replied softly.


Somehow the hour "lesson" passed. "I see our time is up. You have learned the dance very well, very well indeed," said Andres. "And now we come to the most important part of the Lambada." With that Andres began unbuttoning Sheldon's shirt, helping to remove his lover’s clothes, until Sheldon was stood there naked in front of him.

"You have been an excellent student. You shall now receive a reward from me." With that Andres kissed Sheldon and led him into the bedroom. Sheldon sat down on the edge of the bed as he watched Andres. He couldn't take his eyes off him. Not now for sure.

Andres was about to remove the rubber band from his pony tail while making small talk to his "student". Just then Andres sniffed deeply. There was a smell in the air that he knew only too well.

He looked over to the night table and sniffed again.

"What is that on your night table?" he asked, running a finger under his tingling nose.

"That? Oh that's mistletoe, left over from Christmas."

"Mistletoe!" exclaimed Andres desperately. "I'm allergic to *sniff* mistletoe!"

He breathed deeply, clamping a finger underneath his reddening nose. His breathing had begun to quicken and his shirt, already opened to the navel, had loosened further under the motion of his heaving chest.

Sheldon sat there, watching the scene as if in slow motion. He didn't know if he could survive much more of this exquisite torture.

Andres sniffed again. He pushed his sunglasses, which had slid down, back up the bridge of his nose. He then used the same finger to run it underneath his nose and held it there for a few moments.

"What f-f-fool keeps *sniff* mistl… Huhhhhh Huhhhhhh *sniff* mistletoe?" Andres asked in character, as he again pushed his sliding sunglasses back up his red, quivering nose.

"You! *sniff* Huh HUUUUUUUUUHHH Now I'm gonna … *sniff* "

With that, Andres swallowed hard. His nose could stand it no more. Mistletoe was mightier than the hunk. He gasped deeply and exploded.


Andres released sneeze after sneeze, the force sending out a fine spray into the air which he directed towards Sheldon's erection.

"HATCHOOOO!" His sunglasses went sailing across the air and landed in bed next to Sheldon. "HUH-CHOOOOO! *sniff* HAAAASSSHHHOOOO!"

In the end he sneezed so fiercely that he split his slacks right down the seam to the zipper, allowing his own massive erection to come out in all it's glory. He shivered with anticipation. He was almost spent. There was just one last, massive sneeze, "HASHHHHOOOOO!” which he sneezed over Sheldon's aching manhood.

Andres fell on top of Sheldon and the two strangers, student and teacher, spent the night making exquisite love.


Sheldon woke at his usual hour. He was still tingling. He could still feel the spot where Andres had sneezed on his naked body. He had never known such happiness as he had at that moment. He reached over to his left to caress Andres, only to find he wasn't there. That's odd, thought Sheldon to himself, Andres usually sleeps later than I do.

He then casually laid his hand on Andres' side of the bed. It was cold, as if it had been empty for some hours.

I wonder where Andres could be?

Sheldon didn't find him in the shower or the kitchen. He sat down with a cup of coffee wondering what could’ve happened to him. And then a horrific thought occurred to him. How did his fantasy go? A great dark man would swoop into his life, sneeze the perfect sneeze, make mad passion to him and then swoop out of his life forever.

Sheldon yelled at the top of his lungs: "ANDRES! NO!"

Andres couldn't take his entire fantasy literally could he? Was last night Andres' and Sheldon’s real last night? Andres wouldn't just disappear out of Sheldon's life forever, would he?

Sheldon sat at the table on the verge of tears. "Damn my fantasy!" he thought. "My fondest dream has turned into my worst nightmare. I've lost Andres."

Just then Sheldon heard the key turning in the lock. Andres opened the door.

"ANDRES!" screamed Sheldon, running over and embracing him in a bear hug.

"Hey babe. I just went down to get some fresh rolls for our breakfast. What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing," lied Sheldon, as he tried to get his heart to return to a normal beat.

"How was last night then? Sorry I had to be away on business. I hope you were okay all by yourself." Andres was going to play this fantasy out all the way for Sheldon it seemed.

"What do you mean? Don't you remember last night? You were glorious! You gave me the sneeze of a lifetime!" stammered Sheldon.

"Sneeze of a lifetime?" Andres asked, feigning complete ignorance. "Babe, I was away in Chicago on business last night."

Sheldon was totally confused. Andres was so convincing an actor that he had indeed begun to question whether last night had actually happened or if it were just one long, wonderful dream.

"I'm going to take a shower," said Andres after he had finished breakfast and he proceeded to walk toward the bathroom. He looked back at Sheldon sitting there perplexed and laughed to himself at Sheldon's discomfort.

As Andres was showering, Sheldon began to get dressed for the day ahead. "Son of a bitch!" he exclaimed as he looked at his bed. There was the mistletoe, exactly where it had been left from the night before. He walked straight to the bathroom and right into the shower next to Andres.

"Hi Shell! What a pleasant surprise. We haven't showered together for a while."

"You were in Chicago, huh?"

"That's right. On business."

"Well then, did you bring this back with you from Chicago?" Sheldon demanded, producing the mistletoe from his wet pocket and holding it right under Andres' already trembling nose.

"Huhhhh … you son of a- Huhhhh... HUHHHHHH... HUUUHHHH..."

And then Sheldon saw a sight to equal that of last night. Andres was stood right in front of him, covered in soap, with a massive tickle attacking his sinuses. Sheldon quickly put his finger under Andres' nose, holding back the sneeze until he could get himself undressed. Once he was naked he removed his finger, immediately releasing all the pent-up force of the irritation.


Sheldon grabbed the soap and worked it into a thick lather, gently starting to stroke Andres' penis.


They were locked together, Sheldon working his hand in time to the sneezes until Andres orgasmed powerfully against him.

"From now on Andres no more fantasies. You are my fantasy. I don't need anything else," Sheldon whispered into Andres’ ear.