Oh No, Don't Sneeze!


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"What?" shouted Eric at Sheldon. "You can't fire me!"

"I can and I just did," retorted Sheldon. "You've shown up drunk at too many shoots. I warned you that if you did that once more you'd be fired. Well, you chose to get drunk and ruin my last photo shoot, so now I'm firing you. I want off these premises by 5 at the latest."

"But what about that Michelangelo stage show I was set to do tomorrow? I'm supposed to be the famous statue David."

"I've already replaced you," Sheldon said.

"You can't replace me! That show was supposed to be my big break! I'd be in the same category of male models as Byron if all went well"

"I repeat myself, you were the one who got drunk. Besides, I've already replaced you on the stage show. Now please leave my office and please leave the building."

Outside Sheldon's door Eric seethed. "How dare he? How can he just replace me? He's ruined my career. I have to do something. I have to make him take me back. That stage show is mine. I know what to do, I'll ruin the show for them. I'll make Sheldon beg me to come back." Eric stormed out of the building. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he was going to do something.

Sheldon did have a replacement ready to step in and fill the void. He had asked his lusciously handsome brother-in-law Chris if he would like to earn a lot of money and get a first hand view of the modeling profession from the inside out. Chris, being a writer, readily agreed. He would use the experience gained to write a story or perhaps even a book. Besides, he was literally down to his last few cents and he needed the money.

Sheldon had helped him get his union card and other necessities associated with being a male model. Over the last few months Chris and Sheldon were actually starting to like each other, rather than just being two men tied to each other for their love of Andres. Chris adored his twin brother, and Andres returned his love ounce for ounce.

The next day Chris spent several hours in the makeup department being made to look like the famous David statue. Naturally his looks and physique were beyond compare. All that was needed was a wig and body paint to make Chris's olive toned skin seem statue white. As for the show, all Chris had to do was stand motionless on a pedestal and pose as the status David. In essence Chris was just an adornment, albeit a sublimely gorgeous one, for a stage show of other male models by the firm of McTate and Mann. But, it had the potential of making a star out of Eric if he were to get noticed by some of the other modeling agencies or talent scouts.

Eric had sneaked in the building earlier in the day. He looked in the makeup room and saw Chris being prepared.

"So that's how he replaced me so easily. He hired his own husband Andres to do the job." Eric, like most people could not differentiate Andres from Chris. 

"That son of a bitch! Well, Mr. Andres, lets just see how handsome and desirable you look to the scouts when I get through with you!" Eric stormed away like a spoiled brat.

Later that morning Byron looked in the makeup room. He, too, mistook Chris for Andres. Byron had no love for Andres, indeed the two men were hated rivals. Both men loved Sheldon, even though Sheldon had made it clear to Byron that he loved only Andres.

Show time finally arrived and the curtain went up. Chris stood on his pedestal in the center of the stage. He was posed as the statue, and he felt sure he could hold the pose for hours if needs must. He was beyond gorgeous. All of the females in the audience and some of the males gasped at the sight of such perfection. Almost everyone there thought that Chris was actually a statue rented for the occasion.

Byron stood off stage and watched the show. His part wouldn't be for another few minutes or so and he relaxed by watching others do the same job he would soon be doing, walking the catwalk. Just then he noticed Eric standing on the other side of the stage, also out of sight. He saw Eric blow a huge cloud of some powder out over the stage and in Chris's direction. The stage lights blocked the sight of the powder from anyone in the audience, but Byron had a clear view.

"That son of bitch!" thought Byron. He seemed to know immediately what Eric was up to. "He's going to make Andres sneeze and publicly humiliate himself."

Chris stood there looking as perfect as perfect can be. Just then he felt a faint tickle beginning at the edge of his nostrils. He sniffed very gently and tried to ignore it. Sniffing, however, was the worst thing he could do. All it did was bring more of Eric's homemade sneezing powder up into his nose. Chris felt the tickle begin to grow a bit bigger. He had to remain calm. He dared not move. All he could do was hope the tickle would not develop. He sniffed again. Big mistake! More of the sneezing powder was inhaled and attached itself to Chris's nose. 

Chris felt the tickle getting larger. He felt the need to inhale, but he fought to keep his chest from heaving. Another short sniff. "Oh no!" he thought. "The tickly feeling is getting bigger!" Despite his Herculean efforts, he felt his chest start to heave as the tickle grew. He hoped he would be able to keep his eyes opened, but he was sure he couldn't for much longer. Again he foolishly sniffed and again he sniffed up more sneezing powder, increasing the tickling sensation even more. 

At this point Chris was just hoping that he wouldn't make any noises as he tried to hold himself still at all costs. As of yet no one in the audience had any idea that the figure of male perfection on the stage in front of them had a massive tickle in his nose and was fighting mightily to hold it in.

"Oh, poor Andres," thought Byron. I've got to do something. Just then he saw Sheldon coming down from his office to watch the stage show.

"Sheldon. Sheldon - you've got to do something. You've got to help Andres."

"What do you mean 'help Andres'," replied Sheldon. "Andres is right here behind me" 

Indeed he was, as he wrapped his arms around Sheldon's waist and kissed him as if to prove a point to Byron that he had Sheldon and Byron didn't.

"You're Andres! Well, whoever is out there on stage is in deep trouble. Eric blew a huge cloud of sneezing powder over them and I don't think they can hold off from sneezing much longer. What can we do?" Byron pleaded.

They looked out on the stage. Chris was growing weak. His sneeze was now monstrously big, yet he was managing to hold himself steady. Byron looked as he saw a bead of perspiration run down Chris perfect neck to his chest and settle on his abdomen. Chris was starting to lose the battle with his nose. Despite himself his chest started to heave. Slowly at first, but then it began to get heavier. His nose was so red that it was a wonder that it didn't show through the body paint. 

Then it happened. Chris's nose could take it no more. Chris began to quiver as his entire body began to wind up for a monstrous sneeze.

Just then Sheldon got an idea. He calmly reached over and shut off the electrical power to the stage. The entire house went black. Chris took the opportunity and released the last bit of hold he had on his tortured, quivering nose.


Sneeze after sneeze was released. Sheldon was dying as he counted better than thirty-five sneezes.

"Chris is out there dressed barely in a diaper and sneezing and I can't see it! Damn!"

Finally, when it became evident that Chris' sneezing fit had ended, Sheldon turned back on the power. The lights went on and Chris was back in his pose as the statue David. He looked none the worse for wear and no one suspected that he was the man from whom all those sneezes had emanated.

Sheldon went out on stage and made a brief apology about the power outage and the show went on from there without further problems.

After the show Andres approached Byron. "Byron, I'd like to thank you for what you did today."

"It was nothing," replied Byron.

"Oh yes it was something. For all you knew that was me out there on stage and despite our differences you tried to help me to keep from sneezing. That means a lot to me. Perhaps I've misjudged you all this time. I know Sheldon loves me and you've never tried to steal him away from me, so I'd like to say I'm sorry for misjudging you and I hope that maybe one day we might be friends." Andres extended his hand to Byron who accepted it and shook his hand back.

Chris, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, came over to Byron after Andres had gone away.

"You and my brother were enemies, yet you tried to help him? That means a lot to me. Anyone who helps my brother is okay as far as I'm concerned."

"You really love your brother a lot don't you? " asked Byron.

"You have no idea how much," said Chris. "Are you doing anything tonight? Can we go somewhere and get a drink?" Chris was obviously highly attracted to the ravishing Byron. Byron, for his part, found himself very excited at the sight of a desperate Andres fighting with all his might to hold in his sneeze. Perhaps he might have some fun with Andres twin. He didn't seem like a bad guy. In fact he seemed very sweet.

At home that night Andres grabbed Sheldon in a hug and began kissing him passionately. Whenever Andres felt something, he felt it passionately. Perhaps it was his Latin blood.

"I want to thank you for what you did for Chris tonight."

"Oh well, you know I had to do something," answered Sheldon. 

"No, you didn't. You took a chance of completely ruining your show. by turning off the lights."

"Oh yes I did have to help Chris, Andres. Nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated. Besides Chris deserved my help if for no other reason than because you love him so much. Besides, I kind of like the big guy. After all, he's family "

Andres could stand it no longer. His erection was enormous. He swooped Sheldon up in his arms and began kissing him as he carried him to their bed.